 Photo Credit: National Cancer Institute on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you chop up veggies for a salad! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience. Ya know, I wouldn't mind feeding my kids if they would just stay full. But no matter how much love I put into a meal, how much effort or energy or planning... they're hungry again in just a few hours. Over the couple of decades that I've been studying motherhood, I've determined that if I can make homemade meals less complicated, the more committed I’ll be to the work involved, and our whole family can bask in the many benefits: health, financial, and familial. I now have happy meal planning sessions because I just focus on including three elements in each meal: a protein (plant-based more often than not), a grain (ideally a whole one), and a fruit or veggie (bonus points for fresh produce!). I have removed some pressure from myself by teaching these elements to my kids, and having them do a mental checklist as they feed themselves breakfast or pack their school lunches. We have a list posted on the inside of a cabinet door so they can choose from things that are generally part of each week’s grocery trip. Oh, how I'd love to have a week's worth of dinners neatly typed up every Sunday night, but that's a battle I have only won periodically. Instead, I aim to know by 10am what we'll have for dinner that night -- and that has been a more victorious way for me to meal-plan! One way I thin-out the myriad possibilities is by assigning a theme to each night and finding a recipe that fits the genre. International night! Pasta night! Chicken night! Beans & rice night! Potatoes night! Seafood night! Leftovers night! I don't *really* want my kiddos to stop eating. I know it might keep my kitchen cleaner, but I've observed that kids with full tummies behave better, not to mention the obvious gains in physical growth. So, these simplified systems help me stay committed to healthful home-based meals and endure with confidence my family’s continual need for nourishment. Mom, what are some ways you can simplify this task that takes place at least 21 times each week? Increase how often you eat meals at home by brainstorming ways to meet the challenges inherent in this duty. Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!
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 Photo Credit: Brytny on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you rock your newborn to sleep! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
NEWSFLASH: Babies cry. They cry for all sorts of reasons. My job is to try to figure out why they're crying, and then do what I can to resolve the problem or at least offer a little comfort. They might still cry, even when I'm doin' my darndest to make it stop. Sometimes, I notice that I'm singing to them not because it calms them, but because it calms me! (It only just now occurred to me that possibly my singing makes them cry worse). Amidst the various and sundry cry-fests daily, I don’t see a need to purposely add more crying nightly! Our American culture is so steeped in the cry-it-out method for bedtime that precious little info is out there for moms who want to do it differently. I recommend a book called "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. The author recognizes that some of us just don't want sleep-time to be cry-time. She has experience both co-sleeping (which I enjoy), and crib-sleeping. The trick she teaches is the importance of a routine, good options to include in a sleep routine, and how to successfully establish a routine so that bedtime is better all around. So, baby and I follow a solid routine both for naps and nighttime. I have it posted in our bedroom to help myself remember the steps *in order* -- because babies are so tuned in to structure. Repetitively doing the routine wires baby’s brain so that each element serves as a sleep-signal. As we go through each step, baby winds down and gets sleepier and sleepier eventually drifting peacefully off... to... sleeeee... honk,shoooo… Moms, institute a bedtime routine with your little ones -- it’s never too late! -- then share if this practice elevates your mothering! Here's our routine in detail, plus a few extra notes from the book! Change diaper (smile calmly and tell her it's sleep time) close door & turn off light turn on white-noise wrap in blankie; offer lovey-doll (keep smiling calmly so she has positive feelings about sleep) dance together while singing until she's very drowsy shhhh in her ear while I put her down keep shushing as I leave the room If she wakes up and fusses for more than ten seconds or so, go back in and do the routine again (starting at the blankie/lovey part). Chart how it goes over the course of ten days, and you'll see a difference as both you and baby get accustomed to the routine. Keep up the ten-day increments to keep seeing progress. Keep in mind that baby's body has to adjust to lots of changes as she grows, such as teething, learning new skills from grasping with hands to walking, and these can disrupt sleep patterns. The routine will rescue you and create a calm, bonding bedtime ritual each time.  Photo by Tamar Waskey on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you take a bubble bath while your husband does bedtime with the kids! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
Aahhhh, bedtime! We all look forward to it, don't we? At least, we look forward to the time when those energetic little ones finally rest, so we can too. Luckily, I've been blessed to get to look forward to the actual getting-ready-for-bed rigamarole also! For some reason, it isn't a huge struggle in our family... in fact, it's a lovely bonding time! I guess I'm making it sound like the "some reason" is unbeknownst to me and we've just had this beautiful fate befall us out of nowhere. To tell the truth, though, I do know the reason. It's called: Daddy! Let me tell you about the conversation I had with an attractive member of the male species back in college days. He mentioned that he planned to take the advice of one of his professors who suggested a secret to success in marriage and parenthood: Daddy does bedtime. I decided to marry said male right then and there! Mommy is so worn out from making decisions and refereeing and cleaning up messes and her patience has worn thin and she just wants to go to bed herself, not try to convince and connive and coerce. Daddy, on the other hand, hasn't yet gotten to spend quality time with his offspring and he brings a different kind of energy to the experience. The kids are excited to get to spend time with him, even if it means they end up asleep -- at least they're dreaming sweet dreams. We post a bedtime list so the kids can keep Daddy focused, from baths and jammies to teeth brushing and saying prayers and reading books, the kids usually cooperate but if they don’t, Daddy gets to deal with the discipline instead of Mom having to again (an important dynamic to include him in that part of parenting.) All-in-all, from the time Daddy sends them off to put on pajamas to when their eyelids are finally closed for the night, it's a good hour of his time, but he doesn't seem to mind at all. It’s an hour of connecting, redirecting, bonding and blessing these precious children of his, and the effects last more than an hour and expand to more than just good sleep. And Mommy has been relaxing (aka recovering) in the other room... So when Dad comes to do bedtime with her, they can reconnect successfully in their own special way! Moms, try giving the bedtime responsibility to Daddy, helping him see the potential fatherly benefits of such an arrangement, then share if this practice elevates your mothering!
Dry Bones Song - The foot bone connected to the ankle bone - songs for kids by Alina Celeste
Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you pick up your kids' backpacks off the floor! (Just kidding -- you'll get the joke as you listen, though)
Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
As moms, we often notice family dynamics that aren’t necessarily positive. As moms, we often feel like we need to take charge and change up those dynamics -- and if we can do so in a positive, non-threatening manner and tone, it’s easier to be patient as the dynamic generally requires time to be adjusted. One situation we have had to work on in our family is when the kids come home from school... They're so happy and relieved to be home, and of course, they need their hands free so they can hug me! So they drop their coat and backpack on the floor right in front of the door. Then they go about getting a snack … and the coat and backpack are left to be booby-traps, ready to trip the poor unassuming person who happens to come home next. I decided that my kids’ brains need to be connected to their hands, so that when their hands are ready to let go of any given object, their brains send out a red alert, "Wait! Don't let go until the item is where it belongs!!!" Now, I tend to think that my children’s brains, although not fully-formed, really do know where things belong. It's just that their brains aren't aware of what's happening down at the end of the arms. So that's when we put our hands on our heads and say in the spirit of that old folk song, "Brain bones connected to the hand bones!" To hear Alina Celeste's version of this silly song -- since she's a professional singer and likely more fun to listen to -- pop onto our Momivate.org website and it'll be under Two-Minute Mom Tips in the Blog section! Moms, try being silly with your kids to help them learn a new habit, then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you paint rocks for fun! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience. Are you familiar with Chris Van Allsburg, the author of children’s books? He’s probably most famous for The Polar Express since a movie was made from it -- and the truth holds: the book is better!! But the one I’d like to highlight today is called The Wretched Stone. It’s written as a ship captain’s log and it details the discovery of a large shining stone which captivates his sailors and turns them into monkeys! I believe Chris Van Allsburg was making some social commentary with this story! Our screens are like this wretched stone, stealing the childhood from our children in various ways: they don’t get as much fresh air, have fewer opportunities to build their work ethic or people skills, and regardless of the content being viewed, just the amount of time is linked to anxiety, depression, and can exacerbate autism, so there’s an unidentified force coming through the screen as well. In the past, "Screen Time" as our family calls it -- was a privilege the child had to earn. However, I struggled with this system because I felt like I was rewarding them with something that has little-to-no value, but by calling it a reward, I was inadvertently sending the message that it is valuable. So now our family is trying out a different system. We have assigned the hour before dinner to be the only time they are allowed to use the various wretched stones. Oh, they still have to have their homework done and be done with their chores, so, in that sense, we're teaching them prioritization. However, we no longer consider Screen Time a privilege -- we call it Techno-Mush-Brain Hour, a carefully chosen name that includes a warning to our children, hopefully discouraging overuse. So far, I think it's working pretty well. It helps them hurry to finish their homework and chores so they don’t drag those out all evening. It also means that the rest of the evening after dinner, they just find something else to do -- and it's a beautiful thing to see how they get creative with their free time -- like writing and performing plays, singing karaoke, doing yoga, drawing, and playing games with their siblings. Moms, how can you teach your family the disadvantages of screen time as you make an effort to decrease it? Share if this practice elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: Rodion Kutsaev on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you scrub grime off the countertop. Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
Stealthy Eating... if you were a kid, wouldn't this sound intriguing?! Well, that's my goal... intrigue my kids into better behavior. I've tried nagging. Doesn't work. So any guesses on what Stealthy Eating might be?! This concept was inspired by The Mary Poppins Mentality -- "Snap! The Job's a Game!" -- as well as the fact that some of my kiddos are old enough to help themselves in the kitchen. When their tummies have the teensiest bit of space open up, they ask themselves, "Why wait for Mom? I can reach the graham crackers and milk by myself!" Fellow mothers, have you ever cleaned up graham cracker crumbs soaked in milk that got spilled on the counter and then dried? If anyone wants to develop an adhesive to compete against Elmer’s Glue, start here! And so, I approached my children with this message: Children, (with the Mission Impossible theme song playing in the background), your mission, and you need to accept it so Mom won't self-destruct, is to CLEAN UP AFTER YOUR SNACK! If you can reach the graham crackers and milk, you can also reach the sink and the washcloth! Stealthy Eating is: “Eating so that Mom can't tell you were ever in the kitchen!” Yes, you CAN do it! Just like the Stealth Bombers that fly in the sky unnoticed! Moms, try teaching your children Stealthy Eating skills… then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: Jarek Ceborski on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you clean out the junk drawer. Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
I have limited energy, Mamas, so I have to choose wisely what to spend it on. I choose to NOT waste energy on complaining about chores, 'cuz they gotta get done so we might as well use our energy to work rather than whine. Chores aren't a punishment! They aren't slave labor devised to build character, as my children believe! They are simply what needs to be done as a result of something else being done first. And so I present to you… The Parable of the Open Drawers In our family, we like to eat. It's a silly little thing, I know, but something about growling tummies, and boom, we're in the brand-spankin'-clean kitchen lookin' for somethin' to put down the ol' cake-hole. I don't know if this happens in your house, but alluvasudden, the kitchen ain't so clean anymore. So the conversation goes something like this: MOM: Hey, kiddos, now that we’ve eaten, let's clean up! KIDDOS (in unison): But Mah-ahm, we didn't do anything wrong. We just had a snack. Don't punish us! Seeing the need for a demonstration, I open all the drawers in the kitchen, leaving them out. Then I try to dance through the kitchen, dramatically banging into the open drawers... MOM: Children, chores are like closing a drawer. You close it because you opened it, and because a closed drawer clears the way for more fun. In an area with open drawers, ya can't have as much fun. Taking the time to close drawers ...or do chores... gives you space to be free. I see the lights go on in my oldest child's eyes. Whew! Once I have him helping me, together we can convince the others of the cleverness of this perspective! Moms, try Dancing among Open Drawers this week, illustrating the necessity and blessing of chores to your kiddos! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: The Creative Exchange on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you shampoo the kids' hair as they bathe! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
I confess: I hate the word "chores." I'll bet most people do. It's just filled with drudgery that weighs you down the moment you think it. Ugh. And so, in our house, we try really hard never to do chores. Instead, we take FLYLady's advice and we "Bless Our Home." We have gone through various chore charts and systems -- what I've figured out is, no system works unless I do! Yup, that's MY job as the mom, is to execute whatever system is posted on the fridge at the moment. I have to be the one to rally the troops... On regular weekdays, I aim for Sloppy Success rather than Perfect Failure... got that one from Hannah Keeley). I leave the "be thorough" expectation for Saturday's BIG Bless Our Home. I try to set a good example for my kiddos by whistlin' while I work -- although, really, I can't whistle, so instead I make up silly songs about whatever chore, errr, whatever way I'm blessing the house at the moment. Imagine what kinds of silly rhymes I have to come up with for "garbage" or "dishwasher?" Recently, I created a parody of the Beauty and The Beast song “Be Our Guest” replacing those words with “Bless Our Home!” Of course, there are times when I can't bring myself to sing, maybe I’m just having a low energy day or I’m a little overwhelmed by the repetition and magnitude of the task of keeping a home even just somewhat tidy. I usually can still manage to ward off the grumpiness by turning my voice robotic. We all would love to have a robot do our chores, right?! Fellow Mom, are you willing to give up chores and try “Blessing Your Home” this week, maybe even singing as you go? Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: Matteo Vistocco on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you scrub the kitchen sink! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience. Is it a coincidence that mobile phones are also called CELL phones, like a JAIL CELL?! If you worry that your children are doomed to be prisoners locked in a phone-sized dungeon of potentially damaging perplexities, consider a cell phone contract. I first heard this concept back in 2009. JoAnn Hamilton, while reporting about the National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families, presented a Cell Phone Safe Use Agreement. The words “Safe” and “Protection” inspired me to clip that newspaper article and, when a child of mine reaches the age of 14 and shows a certain degree of responsibility, they are allowed to purchase a cell phone and pay the monthly service fee AFTER they sign this agreement: 1: My communication will be true, helpful, and kind, NEVER rude or bullying. I will never use vulgar or sexual language, and will block anyone who uses such language with me. 2: I recognize that there is no such thing as privacy with regards to the internet. Whether I intend it or not, any of my texts, images, or posts can end up anywhere in the world, whether I know it or not. 3: I acknowledge that people can use the internet to be deceptive about themselves and their intentions. It is fully impossible to know whether the people I'm communicating with are or aren't who they say they are. For my safety, I will not share any personal information, including my date of birth, address, or specifics about places I frequent such as school, church or work. 4: My parents will have full access to my phone at any time, knowing all my passwords. They can read texts and see my social networking posts. I will respect their input and feedback about what I post. My parents will set up hours and places of use/non-use, such as not using it in a bedroom or bathroom, during school, etc. I will accept whatever consequences I earn, and will work to earn and keep the trust that my parents need to have in me. Mama, if you’ve been harboring a prisoner of a cell phone, set them free through this contract! Print it out, read and discuss it together, sign it and post it where you can both refer to it often! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  No children were harmed in the making of this photo. Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you brush your teeth! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience. I used to get all tense when one of my children would ask if they could spend some time on the computer or watching TV. I suppose I envisioned them singing as they ran up a mountain wearing matching clothes made from curtains. Alas, they're normal when it comes to desiring the more modern method of relaxing, indoors in front of some sort of technological toy. So they would ask, and I felt like I held a heavy two edged Sword of Decision: saying NO would make me the Mean Mom who never lets her children do anything fun… and saying YES would make me the Irresponsible Mom who just asks them not to drool on the keyboard! I just wanted to Knight my offspring as “Wise Users of Time,” but I worried I would wield that Sword of Decision so arbitrarily that I’d cut their heads off instead. Luckily, I was introduced to the Yes=Yes Principle (which can also be referred to as the No=No Principle), where Screen Time is designated as a Privilege earned proportionate to time spent on a Priority, such as homework or chores or athletics or artwork. When my child asks for Screen Time, I simply ask about the priority that we’ve tied it to. If they answer Yes, then I answer Yes! Here's a sample situation: "Hey, Mom, can I play Wizards 101 for 20 minutes?" "Hi, son, thanks for asking. Have you played Piano for 20 minutes today?" "Yes..." "Okay, then, Yes!!" As my children have developed an understanding of the principle, the conversation sometimes goes like this: "Hey, Mom, I wanna watch the football game." "Oh, well, are your chores done?" "Uhhhh, hold on..." (TIME PASSES) "Hey, Mom, my chores are done!" "Great! Then enjoy the football game!" Aaaahhh, it's such a relief to hand the Sword of Decision back to the child! Mom, make a list of priorities and privileges that you can link to one another using the Yes=Yes Principle! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: Mahir Uysal on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you change the baby's diaper! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
Every family needs systems! We need systems that help our household run smoothly;
I think one of the obstacles to setting up a system is worrying that it won't take... that the rest of the family team won't follow the system. That's where tweaking comes in handy. Please note, I said TWEAKING, NOT TWERKING! There was a time when twerking was a very uncomfortable dance move. So I just want to make sure that other than the discomfort associated with both, tweaking and twerking are very different things. A successful system needs tweaking! Once the initial scaffolding has been erected, it is helpful to step back and observe and acknowledge weaknesses, and then TWEAK! This can help the family agree to the initial structure attempt, if they know you're willing to tweak. Make sure your family knows you’re saying TWEAK, Not twerk! Once a structure has been in place a long time, tweaking might be a little more uncomfortable -- but when it's necessary, do it anyway! You’re the mom! What needs structure in your home management, Mom? Visit the Momivate website for ideas that you can TWEAK to make them work for your family. Then share if this practice elevates your mothering! |
