 Photo Credit: Kevin Gent on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you help your child put their shoes on! Hi, I’m Regan from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
My three-year-old's favorite PBS show is called Dinosaur Train. Yesterday I walked in as the show was ending and Dr. Scott the Paleontologist announced that it was now time to turn off the TV, go outside, and "make your own discoveries!" I borrowed a little of Dr. Scott's enthusiasm and repeated the same invitation as I flicked the off button. I braced for the usual protest -- "Just one more show!!!" but instead, my little guy looked at me with excitement in his eyes and said, "Yeah! Let's go make our own discoveries!" Then as an afterthought, he asked, "Mom, what's a discovery?" "Oh, child," I said with awe in my voice as I grabbed his pudgy little hands, as we walked to the back door. "Discovery is looking around with eyes wide open. You see things you’ve already seen AND you notice brand new things. Then... Then..." I paused to build his anticipation. We sat down to put on his shoes. "Then..." "You think and you wonder and you ask questions and you want to know and learn and -- " (using my best mysterious voice, I continued) -- " you solve mysteries and expose secrets!" His verbal response: “Awesome” was accompanied by a non-verbal response that was even better. He took hold of his one-year old sister's pudgy little hand, led her out the door, and with gentle joy, showed her a lady bug. Mom, try exemplifying enthusiasm to spark the curiosity about real life as you limit screen time today, then share if this practice elevates your mothering!
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 Photo Credit: Brytny on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you rock your newborn to sleep! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
NEWSFLASH: Babies cry. They cry for all sorts of reasons. My job is to try to figure out why they're crying, and then do what I can to resolve the problem or at least offer a little comfort. They might still cry, even when I'm doin' my darndest to make it stop. Sometimes, I notice that I'm singing to them not because it calms them, but because it calms me! (It only just now occurred to me that possibly my singing makes them cry worse). Amidst the various and sundry cry-fests daily, I don’t see a need to purposely add more crying nightly! Our American culture is so steeped in the cry-it-out method for bedtime that precious little info is out there for moms who want to do it differently. I recommend a book called "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. The author recognizes that some of us just don't want sleep-time to be cry-time. She has experience both co-sleeping (which I enjoy), and crib-sleeping. The trick she teaches is the importance of a routine, good options to include in a sleep routine, and how to successfully establish a routine so that bedtime is better all around. So, baby and I follow a solid routine both for naps and nighttime. I have it posted in our bedroom to help myself remember the steps *in order* -- because babies are so tuned in to structure. Repetitively doing the routine wires baby’s brain so that each element serves as a sleep-signal. As we go through each step, baby winds down and gets sleepier and sleepier eventually drifting peacefully off... to... sleeeee... honk,shoooo… Moms, institute a bedtime routine with your little ones -- it’s never too late! -- then share if this practice elevates your mothering! Here's our routine in detail, plus a few extra notes from the book! Change diaper (smile calmly and tell her it's sleep time) close door & turn off light turn on white-noise wrap in blankie; offer lovey-doll (keep smiling calmly so she has positive feelings about sleep) dance together while singing until she's very drowsy shhhh in her ear while I put her down keep shushing as I leave the room If she wakes up and fusses for more than ten seconds or so, go back in and do the routine again (starting at the blankie/lovey part). Chart how it goes over the course of ten days, and you'll see a difference as both you and baby get accustomed to the routine. Keep up the ten-day increments to keep seeing progress. Keep in mind that baby's body has to adjust to lots of changes as she grows, such as teething, learning new skills from grasping with hands to walking, and these can disrupt sleep patterns. The routine will rescue you and create a calm, bonding bedtime ritual each time.  Photo Credit: Jarek Ceborski on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you clean out the junk drawer. Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
I have limited energy, Mamas, so I have to choose wisely what to spend it on. I choose to NOT waste energy on complaining about chores, 'cuz they gotta get done so we might as well use our energy to work rather than whine. Chores aren't a punishment! They aren't slave labor devised to build character, as my children believe! They are simply what needs to be done as a result of something else being done first. And so I present to you… The Parable of the Open Drawers In our family, we like to eat. It's a silly little thing, I know, but something about growling tummies, and boom, we're in the brand-spankin'-clean kitchen lookin' for somethin' to put down the ol' cake-hole. I don't know if this happens in your house, but alluvasudden, the kitchen ain't so clean anymore. So the conversation goes something like this: MOM: Hey, kiddos, now that we’ve eaten, let's clean up! KIDDOS (in unison): But Mah-ahm, we didn't do anything wrong. We just had a snack. Don't punish us! Seeing the need for a demonstration, I open all the drawers in the kitchen, leaving them out. Then I try to dance through the kitchen, dramatically banging into the open drawers... MOM: Children, chores are like closing a drawer. You close it because you opened it, and because a closed drawer clears the way for more fun. In an area with open drawers, ya can't have as much fun. Taking the time to close drawers ...or do chores... gives you space to be free. I see the lights go on in my oldest child's eyes. Whew! Once I have him helping me, together we can convince the others of the cleverness of this perspective! Moms, try Dancing among Open Drawers this week, illustrating the necessity and blessing of chores to your kiddos! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: The Creative Exchange on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you shampoo the kids' hair as they bathe! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
I confess: I hate the word "chores." I'll bet most people do. It's just filled with drudgery that weighs you down the moment you think it. Ugh. And so, in our house, we try really hard never to do chores. Instead, we take FLYLady's advice and we "Bless Our Home." We have gone through various chore charts and systems -- what I've figured out is, no system works unless I do! Yup, that's MY job as the mom, is to execute whatever system is posted on the fridge at the moment. I have to be the one to rally the troops... On regular weekdays, I aim for Sloppy Success rather than Perfect Failure... got that one from Hannah Keeley). I leave the "be thorough" expectation for Saturday's BIG Bless Our Home. I try to set a good example for my kiddos by whistlin' while I work -- although, really, I can't whistle, so instead I make up silly songs about whatever chore, errr, whatever way I'm blessing the house at the moment. Imagine what kinds of silly rhymes I have to come up with for "garbage" or "dishwasher?" Recently, I created a parody of the Beauty and The Beast song “Be Our Guest” replacing those words with “Bless Our Home!” Of course, there are times when I can't bring myself to sing, maybe I’m just having a low energy day or I’m a little overwhelmed by the repetition and magnitude of the task of keeping a home even just somewhat tidy. I usually can still manage to ward off the grumpiness by turning my voice robotic. We all would love to have a robot do our chores, right?! Fellow Mom, are you willing to give up chores and try “Blessing Your Home” this week, maybe even singing as you go? Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: Matteo Vistocco on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you scrub the kitchen sink! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience. Is it a coincidence that mobile phones are also called CELL phones, like a JAIL CELL?! If you worry that your children are doomed to be prisoners locked in a phone-sized dungeon of potentially damaging perplexities, consider a cell phone contract. I first heard this concept back in 2009. JoAnn Hamilton, while reporting about the National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families, presented a Cell Phone Safe Use Agreement. The words “Safe” and “Protection” inspired me to clip that newspaper article and, when a child of mine reaches the age of 14 and shows a certain degree of responsibility, they are allowed to purchase a cell phone and pay the monthly service fee AFTER they sign this agreement: 1: My communication will be true, helpful, and kind, NEVER rude or bullying. I will never use vulgar or sexual language, and will block anyone who uses such language with me. 2: I recognize that there is no such thing as privacy with regards to the internet. Whether I intend it or not, any of my texts, images, or posts can end up anywhere in the world, whether I know it or not. 3: I acknowledge that people can use the internet to be deceptive about themselves and their intentions. It is fully impossible to know whether the people I'm communicating with are or aren't who they say they are. For my safety, I will not share any personal information, including my date of birth, address, or specifics about places I frequent such as school, church or work. 4: My parents will have full access to my phone at any time, knowing all my passwords. They can read texts and see my social networking posts. I will respect their input and feedback about what I post. My parents will set up hours and places of use/non-use, such as not using it in a bedroom or bathroom, during school, etc. I will accept whatever consequences I earn, and will work to earn and keep the trust that my parents need to have in me. Mama, if you’ve been harboring a prisoner of a cell phone, set them free through this contract! Print it out, read and discuss it together, sign it and post it where you can both refer to it often! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  No children were harmed in the making of this photo. Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you brush your teeth! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience. I used to get all tense when one of my children would ask if they could spend some time on the computer or watching TV. I suppose I envisioned them singing as they ran up a mountain wearing matching clothes made from curtains. Alas, they're normal when it comes to desiring the more modern method of relaxing, indoors in front of some sort of technological toy. So they would ask, and I felt like I held a heavy two edged Sword of Decision: saying NO would make me the Mean Mom who never lets her children do anything fun… and saying YES would make me the Irresponsible Mom who just asks them not to drool on the keyboard! I just wanted to Knight my offspring as “Wise Users of Time,” but I worried I would wield that Sword of Decision so arbitrarily that I’d cut their heads off instead. Luckily, I was introduced to the Yes=Yes Principle (which can also be referred to as the No=No Principle), where Screen Time is designated as a Privilege earned proportionate to time spent on a Priority, such as homework or chores or athletics or artwork. When my child asks for Screen Time, I simply ask about the priority that we’ve tied it to. If they answer Yes, then I answer Yes! Here's a sample situation: "Hey, Mom, can I play Wizards 101 for 20 minutes?" "Hi, son, thanks for asking. Have you played Piano for 20 minutes today?" "Yes..." "Okay, then, Yes!!" As my children have developed an understanding of the principle, the conversation sometimes goes like this: "Hey, Mom, I wanna watch the football game." "Oh, well, are your chores done?" "Uhhhh, hold on..." (TIME PASSES) "Hey, Mom, my chores are done!" "Great! Then enjoy the football game!" Aaaahhh, it's such a relief to hand the Sword of Decision back to the child! Mom, make a list of priorities and privileges that you can link to one another using the Yes=Yes Principle! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: Mahir Uysal on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you change the baby's diaper! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
Every family needs systems! We need systems that help our household run smoothly;
I think one of the obstacles to setting up a system is worrying that it won't take... that the rest of the family team won't follow the system. That's where tweaking comes in handy. Please note, I said TWEAKING, NOT TWERKING! There was a time when twerking was a very uncomfortable dance move. So I just want to make sure that other than the discomfort associated with both, tweaking and twerking are very different things. A successful system needs tweaking! Once the initial scaffolding has been erected, it is helpful to step back and observe and acknowledge weaknesses, and then TWEAK! This can help the family agree to the initial structure attempt, if they know you're willing to tweak. Make sure your family knows you’re saying TWEAK, Not twerk! Once a structure has been in place a long time, tweaking might be a little more uncomfortable -- but when it's necessary, do it anyway! You’re the mom! What needs structure in your home management, Mom? Visit the Momivate website for ideas that you can TWEAK to make them work for your family. Then share if this practice elevates your mothering! |
