 Photo Credit: Kevin Gent on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you help your child put their shoes on! Hi, I’m Regan from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
My three-year-old's favorite PBS show is called Dinosaur Train. Yesterday I walked in as the show was ending and Dr. Scott the Paleontologist announced that it was now time to turn off the TV, go outside, and "make your own discoveries!" I borrowed a little of Dr. Scott's enthusiasm and repeated the same invitation as I flicked the off button. I braced for the usual protest -- "Just one more show!!!" but instead, my little guy looked at me with excitement in his eyes and said, "Yeah! Let's go make our own discoveries!" Then as an afterthought, he asked, "Mom, what's a discovery?" "Oh, child," I said with awe in my voice as I grabbed his pudgy little hands, as we walked to the back door. "Discovery is looking around with eyes wide open. You see things you’ve already seen AND you notice brand new things. Then... Then..." I paused to build his anticipation. We sat down to put on his shoes. "Then..." "You think and you wonder and you ask questions and you want to know and learn and -- " (using my best mysterious voice, I continued) -- " you solve mysteries and expose secrets!" His verbal response: “Awesome” was accompanied by a non-verbal response that was even better. He took hold of his one-year old sister's pudgy little hand, led her out the door, and with gentle joy, showed her a lady bug. Mom, try exemplifying enthusiasm to spark the curiosity about real life as you limit screen time today, then share if this practice elevates your mothering!
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 Photo Credit: Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you eat chocolate! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
I was asked to speak in church on Mother's Day a few years ago. I'd heard so many women say that they avoid church on Mother's Day because they can't stand the guilt as the speakers dish about their perfect moms. Since my mom really is perfect, and talking about her would definitely make other mothers feel guilty, I spoke about Mary, the mother of Jesus, instead. No, that didn’t help the guilt, but it let me illustrate how each of our children is also one of God's children and even though we’re merely - and severely - mortal, He still allowed us to mother them. The key to accepting our imperfect selves is knowing, while incredibly sweet and adorable, our children aren't perfect either. They need to see how we handle missteps so they can handle their own! (Mary, the mother of Jesus, couldn't have that line of reasoning, since her son was, indeed, perfect. Oh well.) Instead of wallowing in guilt, I choose to wallow in gratitude -- and I mean really roll around and get myself covered in it!!! I am so very thankful to BE a mom, even though it humbles me every minute of every day. Gratitude goes to God for giving me eight children to teach and learn from and practice forgiveness with (both asking and giving). Gratitude goes to my mom for setting a beautiful example of dedicated motherhood. Gratitude to my husband for supporting me in so many ways, and loving me, even though I yell at his quiver full of kids every once in a while. And Gratitude goes to my children for loving me in spite of me. Mom, when feelings of guilt get you down, let gratitude lift you back up! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: Christopher Johnson on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you wipe the counters! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
As my 12-year old son paced around the kitchen shaking his hands, he explained his frenetic movements by declaring: “I just drank half an energy drink!” Our family tries to avoid caffeine in general, but rather than scold or be judgemental, I kept the conversation going by showing a little curiosity: "I've heard they don't taste very good -- what did you think?" "I thought it tasted good, but so did Josie and she drank the rest of it." I continued drawing out more info, using an even tone of voice. Not wanting to cause alarm and have him feel defensive... "Hmmm. How many hours ago was this? Have you experienced a crash yet?" "Um, I don't think so. See how I'm all jittery? I think it's still affecting me, making me want to keep moving. Crash would mean I'd go to sleep, right?" "Well, son, honestly, I don't know cuz I’ve never tried one. I've just seen advertising claiming one product is better because of a lesser-crash-factor." "Oh, yeah, I've seen those commercials too." I could see something in his eyes start processing his own body and how being "under the influence" was affecting him. Self-awareness is so important in situations like this -- where he can draw his own conclusions guided by light mom-pressure. "I think that's why energy drinks are considered addictive,” I kept talking nonchalantly while wiping down the countertops. “The drinker enjoys the high so much they don't want to experience the coming down, so they keep on drinking the product!" I wanted to enable him to think things through, while slipping in some kindly insights from his ever-lovin' Mama. I hope that my love, shown through calm conversation, will inspire my child to want the best for himself. If he still chooses to take on the caffeine dependence, my love will empower him when he’s ready to face the struggle of breaking free from it. I won’t be saying, “I told you so” -- I’ll be saying “I know you can do it!” Mom, try having a low-key conversation about a concern you have with your child -- in your head, first, so you can visualize a calm connection, realizing that consistent, calm, repetitive conversations likely have a longer-term, more positive impact than heated, rare discussions. Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: Brytny on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you rock your newborn to sleep! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
NEWSFLASH: Babies cry. They cry for all sorts of reasons. My job is to try to figure out why they're crying, and then do what I can to resolve the problem or at least offer a little comfort. They might still cry, even when I'm doin' my darndest to make it stop. Sometimes, I notice that I'm singing to them not because it calms them, but because it calms me! (It only just now occurred to me that possibly my singing makes them cry worse). Amidst the various and sundry cry-fests daily, I don’t see a need to purposely add more crying nightly! Our American culture is so steeped in the cry-it-out method for bedtime that precious little info is out there for moms who want to do it differently. I recommend a book called "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. The author recognizes that some of us just don't want sleep-time to be cry-time. She has experience both co-sleeping (which I enjoy), and crib-sleeping. The trick she teaches is the importance of a routine, good options to include in a sleep routine, and how to successfully establish a routine so that bedtime is better all around. So, baby and I follow a solid routine both for naps and nighttime. I have it posted in our bedroom to help myself remember the steps *in order* -- because babies are so tuned in to structure. Repetitively doing the routine wires baby’s brain so that each element serves as a sleep-signal. As we go through each step, baby winds down and gets sleepier and sleepier eventually drifting peacefully off... to... sleeeee... honk,shoooo… Moms, institute a bedtime routine with your little ones -- it’s never too late! -- then share if this practice elevates your mothering! Here's our routine in detail, plus a few extra notes from the book! Change diaper (smile calmly and tell her it's sleep time) close door & turn off light turn on white-noise wrap in blankie; offer lovey-doll (keep smiling calmly so she has positive feelings about sleep) dance together while singing until she's very drowsy shhhh in her ear while I put her down keep shushing as I leave the room If she wakes up and fusses for more than ten seconds or so, go back in and do the routine again (starting at the blankie/lovey part). Chart how it goes over the course of ten days, and you'll see a difference as both you and baby get accustomed to the routine. Keep up the ten-day increments to keep seeing progress. Keep in mind that baby's body has to adjust to lots of changes as she grows, such as teething, learning new skills from grasping with hands to walking, and these can disrupt sleep patterns. The routine will rescue you and create a calm, bonding bedtime ritual each time.
Dry Bones Song - The foot bone connected to the ankle bone - songs for kids by Alina Celeste
Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you pick up your kids' backpacks off the floor! (Just kidding -- you'll get the joke as you listen, though)
Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
As moms, we often notice family dynamics that aren’t necessarily positive. As moms, we often feel like we need to take charge and change up those dynamics -- and if we can do so in a positive, non-threatening manner and tone, it’s easier to be patient as the dynamic generally requires time to be adjusted. One situation we have had to work on in our family is when the kids come home from school... They're so happy and relieved to be home, and of course, they need their hands free so they can hug me! So they drop their coat and backpack on the floor right in front of the door. Then they go about getting a snack … and the coat and backpack are left to be booby-traps, ready to trip the poor unassuming person who happens to come home next. I decided that my kids’ brains need to be connected to their hands, so that when their hands are ready to let go of any given object, their brains send out a red alert, "Wait! Don't let go until the item is where it belongs!!!" Now, I tend to think that my children’s brains, although not fully-formed, really do know where things belong. It's just that their brains aren't aware of what's happening down at the end of the arms. So that's when we put our hands on our heads and say in the spirit of that old folk song, "Brain bones connected to the hand bones!" To hear Alina Celeste's version of this silly song -- since she's a professional singer and likely more fun to listen to -- pop onto our Momivate.org website and it'll be under Two-Minute Mom Tips in the Blog section! Moms, try being silly with your kids to help them learn a new habit, then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you wipe fingerprints off the mirror! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience. One day, my 12 year old son came to me, telling me he was tired of getting reprimanded. Now, he's a good kid with a great sense of humor. He has excellent work ethic and is very thorough *when* he does his chores. This particular day, he hadn't yet done his chores even after several reminders... and as he voiced his concern, I had to agree that I had indeed been getting on him quite a bit for his annoying actions towards his siblings. I never intended to be the kind of mother who points out everything my child is doing wrong. I also regretted focusing on his faults, since I buy into the concept that what you focus on increases! I took a deep breath and hugged him and suggested we have a chat, assuring him that I knew one of his talents is his willingness to talk things over! We discussed what kinds of actions were getting him into trouble. As our conversation continued, it became clear that he had been so busy bugging his brothers and sisters that he ran out of time to do his chores. I decided to take what we were learning and phrase it more positively: When you're busy doing the things you're supposed to be doing, you won't have time to get in trouble! I can think of all sorts of ways this applies to life! Not just the life of a sweet 12 year old who is feeling worn down, but to all of us who struggle with guilt. Sometimes I’m so aware of my imperfections and basically reprimand myself all day -- that it sucks away my energy to accomplish the good stuff. So I'm going to start taking my own advice and flip that dynamic to my benefit. I'm going to be so busy with the good stuff that the bad stuff will naturally get cut out of my time-limited day. I won't have time to scowl, yell, and complain, because I’ll be too busy being grateful, giving compliments and encouragement, and smiling instead. Mom, try replacing the things that get you in trouble with good things that you’re supposed to be doing! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  The author and her voluminous eyebrows. Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you pluck your eyebrows. Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience. I once attended the funeral of a mother of many children even though I didn’t know her personally, but because I knew a few of her children and wanted to show my support to them. I listened intently as her daughter praised her mother's disciplinary methods, which must have been effective considering how those of her adult children that I knew were kind, loving, solid people. The most memorable quip that I still remember several years later was: "She Raised Us with her Eyebrow" I happen to have plentiful eyebrows. I have to pluck them so they don't grow into one big eyebrow. I’ll include a photo of myself if you promise not to covet my natural beauty.
In spite of my God-given eyebrows, I do not feel like they give me any sort of edge when it comes to raising my children... in fact, I have to watch myself and make sure these eyebrows of mine are not constantly scowling. Aha! Maybe that's a clue! Maybe making sure *my* eyebrows are raised -- raised in delight, or in a welcome-home smile, or gratitude… or perhaps just silly quizzical goofiness! The more I think about it, the more I realize how important the raising of my eyebrows can be in contrast to raising my voice. Raising an eyebrow to show concern, like "Do you really want to continue making that mistake?" Raising an eyebrow of warning, "Try to think ahead about where your current actions may lead..." I’ve decided that even though I never met that mother, I want to be like her. It seems that being at her funeral ultimately allowed me to be uplifted -- or shall we say raised?! -- by her eyebrows, too! Mom, what signals are your facial expressions sending to your children? Try raising your eyebrows or the corners of your mouth more often! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: Viktor Nikolaienko on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you fill up the dog's food and water. Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
I took a child psychology class in college. My professor was strongly opinionated, biased towards his own published research which claimed that the only effective form of discipline is a system of rewards and punishments, that our children are basically like Pavlov’s dogs. Well, now that I'm a mom, I hereby declare this professor's viewpoints as over-simplified and incomplete. Instead, I feel that the concepts of Positive Discipline are much more thorough in covering a broader scope of our children’s emotions. That's not to say I never use rewards or punishments. I use them a lot -- specifically the rewards! And that’s where the two theories coincide, which is a good clue as to the validity of that concept. Over the years of integrating “rewards” into real-life motherhood, I’ve come to realize that high-fives are about all the reward a child really ever needs. Oh, and otter-pops for going pee all by themselves. Tee hee! Really, though, rather than invest in cavity-causing candy, or in a supply of little toys that later become stifling clutter, I just offer that awesome kid with the good behavior a high-five. And he's happy, and I'm happy! And I'm not ashamed to mention another compelling fact: slippin' skin is free. Palm patting is universally accepted as very valuable -- even though it costs nothing. And because it’s free, I can give it freely. As Positive Discipline teaches us: the more, the better. Other similar rewards include a cheer! a hug! a thumbs-up! a pat on the back! the "A-OK" sign! capturing the moment on the camera! offering to call Daddy or Grandma to report the success! The KIND of positive interaction isn’t nearly as important as how OFTEN it’s offered. The genuine joy my child sees on my face as we celebrate their victory is infectious -- one of the few infections we want to spread. Moms, try increasing these simple rewards in the lives of your children, then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: Matteo Vistocco on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you scrub the kitchen sink! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience. Is it a coincidence that mobile phones are also called CELL phones, like a JAIL CELL?! If you worry that your children are doomed to be prisoners locked in a phone-sized dungeon of potentially damaging perplexities, consider a cell phone contract. I first heard this concept back in 2009. JoAnn Hamilton, while reporting about the National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families, presented a Cell Phone Safe Use Agreement. The words “Safe” and “Protection” inspired me to clip that newspaper article and, when a child of mine reaches the age of 14 and shows a certain degree of responsibility, they are allowed to purchase a cell phone and pay the monthly service fee AFTER they sign this agreement: 1: My communication will be true, helpful, and kind, NEVER rude or bullying. I will never use vulgar or sexual language, and will block anyone who uses such language with me. 2: I recognize that there is no such thing as privacy with regards to the internet. Whether I intend it or not, any of my texts, images, or posts can end up anywhere in the world, whether I know it or not. 3: I acknowledge that people can use the internet to be deceptive about themselves and their intentions. It is fully impossible to know whether the people I'm communicating with are or aren't who they say they are. For my safety, I will not share any personal information, including my date of birth, address, or specifics about places I frequent such as school, church or work. 4: My parents will have full access to my phone at any time, knowing all my passwords. They can read texts and see my social networking posts. I will respect their input and feedback about what I post. My parents will set up hours and places of use/non-use, such as not using it in a bedroom or bathroom, during school, etc. I will accept whatever consequences I earn, and will work to earn and keep the trust that my parents need to have in me. Mama, if you’ve been harboring a prisoner of a cell phone, set them free through this contract! Print it out, read and discuss it together, sign it and post it where you can both refer to it often! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  No children were harmed in the making of this photo. Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you brush your teeth! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience. I used to get all tense when one of my children would ask if they could spend some time on the computer or watching TV. I suppose I envisioned them singing as they ran up a mountain wearing matching clothes made from curtains. Alas, they're normal when it comes to desiring the more modern method of relaxing, indoors in front of some sort of technological toy. So they would ask, and I felt like I held a heavy two edged Sword of Decision: saying NO would make me the Mean Mom who never lets her children do anything fun… and saying YES would make me the Irresponsible Mom who just asks them not to drool on the keyboard! I just wanted to Knight my offspring as “Wise Users of Time,” but I worried I would wield that Sword of Decision so arbitrarily that I’d cut their heads off instead. Luckily, I was introduced to the Yes=Yes Principle (which can also be referred to as the No=No Principle), where Screen Time is designated as a Privilege earned proportionate to time spent on a Priority, such as homework or chores or athletics or artwork. When my child asks for Screen Time, I simply ask about the priority that we’ve tied it to. If they answer Yes, then I answer Yes! Here's a sample situation: "Hey, Mom, can I play Wizards 101 for 20 minutes?" "Hi, son, thanks for asking. Have you played Piano for 20 minutes today?" "Yes..." "Okay, then, Yes!!" As my children have developed an understanding of the principle, the conversation sometimes goes like this: "Hey, Mom, I wanna watch the football game." "Oh, well, are your chores done?" "Uhhhh, hold on..." (TIME PASSES) "Hey, Mom, my chores are done!" "Great! Then enjoy the football game!" Aaaahhh, it's such a relief to hand the Sword of Decision back to the child! Mom, make a list of priorities and privileges that you can link to one another using the Yes=Yes Principle! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: Timon Studler on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you stir the simmering stove top supper! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
Our families are like TEAMS, and in general, teams have a goal: to WIN! But we're not competing against other families so what does this mean, to win as a family? Our family decided it means to LOVE GOD and LOVE ONE ANOTHER, no matter what, and to make sure each family member feels that love based on how we interact with each other. Now, this plan for victory requires a LOT of PRACTICE -- like, DAILY -- just like sports teams practice daily! So, this indicates that we need to spend TIME with our family on a DAILY basis -- not just living in the same house watching the same TV, but actually interacting! Conversing! Playing! Eating Meals together… Supporting one another in various endeavors! ... and praying and laughing and crying and hugging and high-fiving and working and hobby-ing together... We also determined that some areas of behavior are like games of varying importance. Yeah, yeah, we want to win them all, but even the best coaches choose to let a team play less-than-their best sometimes so they can use their energy more wisely in higher-stakes games. Can we stand to "lose" a little in low-stakes games like scrimmages? Yes... but when it comes to things like loyalty, selflessness, and forgiveness -- these are like the Play-offs! The World Series! The Super Bowl! -- so we need to be playing with all our energy, effort, and fortitude. Yeah, fortitude -- isn’t that an awesome word? I often encourage my kids to upgrade their attitudes, and from now on, I'm going to suggest they try Fortitude!!!) Mama, what are the high stakes games in your family? What are the areas that you can minimize efforts in order to have the energy to win at the high stakes games? Share with us if practicing winning from this perspective elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: Kaylee Garrett on Unsplash Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip, empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
Lately, our family has been discussing, “what does it mean to be a Family Team?” Initially, the question of "Who is the Coach of the Family Team?" seemed to have an obvious answer: Mom and Dad! But, thinking about the role of Coach more specifically, we decided that Heavenly Father better fits that description. For one thing, Mom and Dad are out on the playing field of Life right along with our kiddos. We're figuring out the Game as we go, too. We might have been on the field a little longer than the children, kind of like being Seniors in High School versus the Little Leaguers. Heavenly Father, on the other hand, is so knowledgeable about the Game -- being that He is omniscient, and all! He has studied the opposition and knows their tactics… and in the case of the Family Team, we don't compete against other families, but rather against those forces that are trying to break down our family. These forces come in all shapes and sizes: scary things like immorality and addictions; ugly things like vulgarity and violence; things that disguise themselves as good, like over-scheduling or over-indulgence; sneaky things like selfishness and pride. Heavenly Father asks a lot of us, just like any good coach would. He requires us to build our muscles individually, in preparation, long before we compete in games. He wants us to workout on our own as well as show up to practice day in and day out, and scrimmage a bit. He knows what our individual challenges are and sets up situations to help us develop the skills we need to overcome those weaknesses. He has developed the Ultimate PlayBook, aka the Scriptures! Mama, try hiring God as your coach -- the only salary he requires is Love! Love God, Mama! He’ll fill your heart with even greater love! Share with us if this practice elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: Rojan Maharjan on Unsplash.com Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip, empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
Have you thought of your family as a team? It’s a fun way to look at how our family interacts. Just as sports teams have different positions to be played, we can define those roles for our family team. If I got to pick the team Captain, it would be Jesus Christ! He sets the example. He calls the shots. He takes the heat for us when we fail, and he encourages us to get up and try again. Our family team Cheerleader is ME, as the Mom! Okay, that might be a little gender-typing going on ... but for real, I LOVE cheering my kids on! What about the Waterboy? Could that be... Dad?! Ha, just kidding... although, in our family, he does a good job of making sure we have the Living Water in our lives. Who’s the Referee or Umpire? Hmmmm... in our family, that’s definitely our oldest child... He has already discovered the right way to do everything, so he makes sure everyone else lives up to that! Other position titles are sport specific, like quarterback, pitcher, goalie, scrum half (that's a rugby term!), attacker (lacrosse!), or chaser (quidditch). I'm sure each of us can think of ways our individual children fit into these various roles... and interestingly, we can mix sports metaphors on our family teams, because of the way WINNING is defined differently! Mama, take some time today to think about each of your children’s contributions to the family team. Offer them positive feedback about how they’re playing the game of life! High fives and fist pumps go a long way in cheering on our family teammates, and they play the game better when they know we’re their number one fans. Share if this cheerleading practice elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: Helena Lopes on Unsplash Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip, empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
We usually END our tip with a challenge, but I’m going to START that way today: Gather your family and have a discussion about how your family is a TEAM... Have everyone close their eyes and visualize whatever comes to their mind when they hear the word TEAM. Then have everyone share! Maybe your discussion will go a little like our family’s did... My oldest child pictured his favorite football team, the Broncos. Specifically, the logo since he was wearing Peyton Manning’s jersey. This taught us that there are individual team members and that teams are identified by certain artwork. I wondered if our family team has a logo of sorts? Next, my husband brought up the Red Sox and how they finally won the World Series after decades of not… Talk about team solidarity, and keeping on attempting to win no matter how many losses precede the final victory! My twins had the same thing in mind -- they are, after all, identical -- they had our favorite university playing against its rival. Upon further questioning, though, it turns out one of them was picturing a basketball game while the other had football in mind. That brought up the fact that there are different sports, and that there are competitions and rivalries… My brain kept trying to figure out how this applies to our family team. My four year old’s one-word contribution was, "Winning!" He also noted that winning is followed up with partying! My second oldest, Truman, pictured a team of people playing Dungeons and Dragons. This brought up the fact that not all teams are sports teams -- a perfect way for me to introduce the idea that our FAMILY is a TEAM, and that we want to WIN! Moms, try having this discussion about viewing your family as a TEAM -- then share with us on Facebook if practicing this new family vision elevates your mothering! |
