 Photo Credit: Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you eat chocolate! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
I was asked to speak in church on Mother's Day a few years ago. I'd heard so many women say that they avoid church on Mother's Day because they can't stand the guilt as the speakers dish about their perfect moms. Since my mom really is perfect, and talking about her would definitely make other mothers feel guilty, I spoke about Mary, the mother of Jesus, instead. No, that didn’t help the guilt, but it let me illustrate how each of our children is also one of God's children and even though we’re merely - and severely - mortal, He still allowed us to mother them. The key to accepting our imperfect selves is knowing, while incredibly sweet and adorable, our children aren't perfect either. They need to see how we handle missteps so they can handle their own! (Mary, the mother of Jesus, couldn't have that line of reasoning, since her son was, indeed, perfect. Oh well.) Instead of wallowing in guilt, I choose to wallow in gratitude -- and I mean really roll around and get myself covered in it!!! I am so very thankful to BE a mom, even though it humbles me every minute of every day. Gratitude goes to God for giving me eight children to teach and learn from and practice forgiveness with (both asking and giving). Gratitude goes to my mom for setting a beautiful example of dedicated motherhood. Gratitude to my husband for supporting me in so many ways, and loving me, even though I yell at his quiver full of kids every once in a while. And Gratitude goes to my children for loving me in spite of me. Mom, when feelings of guilt get you down, let gratitude lift you back up! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!
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 Photo Credit: Christopher Johnson on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you wipe the counters! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
As my 12-year old son paced around the kitchen shaking his hands, he explained his frenetic movements by declaring: “I just drank half an energy drink!” Our family tries to avoid caffeine in general, but rather than scold or be judgemental, I kept the conversation going by showing a little curiosity: "I've heard they don't taste very good -- what did you think?" "I thought it tasted good, but so did Josie and she drank the rest of it." I continued drawing out more info, using an even tone of voice. Not wanting to cause alarm and have him feel defensive... "Hmmm. How many hours ago was this? Have you experienced a crash yet?" "Um, I don't think so. See how I'm all jittery? I think it's still affecting me, making me want to keep moving. Crash would mean I'd go to sleep, right?" "Well, son, honestly, I don't know cuz I’ve never tried one. I've just seen advertising claiming one product is better because of a lesser-crash-factor." "Oh, yeah, I've seen those commercials too." I could see something in his eyes start processing his own body and how being "under the influence" was affecting him. Self-awareness is so important in situations like this -- where he can draw his own conclusions guided by light mom-pressure. "I think that's why energy drinks are considered addictive,” I kept talking nonchalantly while wiping down the countertops. “The drinker enjoys the high so much they don't want to experience the coming down, so they keep on drinking the product!" I wanted to enable him to think things through, while slipping in some kindly insights from his ever-lovin' Mama. I hope that my love, shown through calm conversation, will inspire my child to want the best for himself. If he still chooses to take on the caffeine dependence, my love will empower him when he’s ready to face the struggle of breaking free from it. I won’t be saying, “I told you so” -- I’ll be saying “I know you can do it!” Mom, try having a low-key conversation about a concern you have with your child -- in your head, first, so you can visualize a calm connection, realizing that consistent, calm, repetitive conversations likely have a longer-term, more positive impact than heated, rare discussions. Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  The author and her voluminous eyebrows. Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you pluck your eyebrows. Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience. I once attended the funeral of a mother of many children even though I didn’t know her personally, but because I knew a few of her children and wanted to show my support to them. I listened intently as her daughter praised her mother's disciplinary methods, which must have been effective considering how those of her adult children that I knew were kind, loving, solid people. The most memorable quip that I still remember several years later was: "She Raised Us with her Eyebrow" I happen to have plentiful eyebrows. I have to pluck them so they don't grow into one big eyebrow. I’ll include a photo of myself if you promise not to covet my natural beauty.
In spite of my God-given eyebrows, I do not feel like they give me any sort of edge when it comes to raising my children... in fact, I have to watch myself and make sure these eyebrows of mine are not constantly scowling. Aha! Maybe that's a clue! Maybe making sure *my* eyebrows are raised -- raised in delight, or in a welcome-home smile, or gratitude… or perhaps just silly quizzical goofiness! The more I think about it, the more I realize how important the raising of my eyebrows can be in contrast to raising my voice. Raising an eyebrow to show concern, like "Do you really want to continue making that mistake?" Raising an eyebrow of warning, "Try to think ahead about where your current actions may lead..." I’ve decided that even though I never met that mother, I want to be like her. It seems that being at her funeral ultimately allowed me to be uplifted -- or shall we say raised?! -- by her eyebrows, too! Mom, what signals are your facial expressions sending to your children? Try raising your eyebrows or the corners of your mouth more often! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: Timon Studler on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you stir the simmering stove top supper! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
Our families are like TEAMS, and in general, teams have a goal: to WIN! But we're not competing against other families so what does this mean, to win as a family? Our family decided it means to LOVE GOD and LOVE ONE ANOTHER, no matter what, and to make sure each family member feels that love based on how we interact with each other. Now, this plan for victory requires a LOT of PRACTICE -- like, DAILY -- just like sports teams practice daily! So, this indicates that we need to spend TIME with our family on a DAILY basis -- not just living in the same house watching the same TV, but actually interacting! Conversing! Playing! Eating Meals together… Supporting one another in various endeavors! ... and praying and laughing and crying and hugging and high-fiving and working and hobby-ing together... We also determined that some areas of behavior are like games of varying importance. Yeah, yeah, we want to win them all, but even the best coaches choose to let a team play less-than-their best sometimes so they can use their energy more wisely in higher-stakes games. Can we stand to "lose" a little in low-stakes games like scrimmages? Yes... but when it comes to things like loyalty, selflessness, and forgiveness -- these are like the Play-offs! The World Series! The Super Bowl! -- so we need to be playing with all our energy, effort, and fortitude. Yeah, fortitude -- isn’t that an awesome word? I often encourage my kids to upgrade their attitudes, and from now on, I'm going to suggest they try Fortitude!!!) Mama, what are the high stakes games in your family? What are the areas that you can minimize efforts in order to have the energy to win at the high stakes games? Share with us if practicing winning from this perspective elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: Kaylee Garrett on Unsplash Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip, empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
Lately, our family has been discussing, “what does it mean to be a Family Team?” Initially, the question of "Who is the Coach of the Family Team?" seemed to have an obvious answer: Mom and Dad! But, thinking about the role of Coach more specifically, we decided that Heavenly Father better fits that description. For one thing, Mom and Dad are out on the playing field of Life right along with our kiddos. We're figuring out the Game as we go, too. We might have been on the field a little longer than the children, kind of like being Seniors in High School versus the Little Leaguers. Heavenly Father, on the other hand, is so knowledgeable about the Game -- being that He is omniscient, and all! He has studied the opposition and knows their tactics… and in the case of the Family Team, we don't compete against other families, but rather against those forces that are trying to break down our family. These forces come in all shapes and sizes: scary things like immorality and addictions; ugly things like vulgarity and violence; things that disguise themselves as good, like over-scheduling or over-indulgence; sneaky things like selfishness and pride. Heavenly Father asks a lot of us, just like any good coach would. He requires us to build our muscles individually, in preparation, long before we compete in games. He wants us to workout on our own as well as show up to practice day in and day out, and scrimmage a bit. He knows what our individual challenges are and sets up situations to help us develop the skills we need to overcome those weaknesses. He has developed the Ultimate PlayBook, aka the Scriptures! Mama, try hiring God as your coach -- the only salary he requires is Love! Love God, Mama! He’ll fill your heart with even greater love! Share with us if this practice elevates your mothering! |
