 Photo Credit: Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you eat chocolate! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
I was asked to speak in church on Mother's Day a few years ago. I'd heard so many women say that they avoid church on Mother's Day because they can't stand the guilt as the speakers dish about their perfect moms. Since my mom really is perfect, and talking about her would definitely make other mothers feel guilty, I spoke about Mary, the mother of Jesus, instead. No, that didn’t help the guilt, but it let me illustrate how each of our children is also one of God's children and even though we’re merely - and severely - mortal, He still allowed us to mother them. The key to accepting our imperfect selves is knowing, while incredibly sweet and adorable, our children aren't perfect either. They need to see how we handle missteps so they can handle their own! (Mary, the mother of Jesus, couldn't have that line of reasoning, since her son was, indeed, perfect. Oh well.) Instead of wallowing in guilt, I choose to wallow in gratitude -- and I mean really roll around and get myself covered in it!!! I am so very thankful to BE a mom, even though it humbles me every minute of every day. Gratitude goes to God for giving me eight children to teach and learn from and practice forgiveness with (both asking and giving). Gratitude goes to my mom for setting a beautiful example of dedicated motherhood. Gratitude to my husband for supporting me in so many ways, and loving me, even though I yell at his quiver full of kids every once in a while. And Gratitude goes to my children for loving me in spite of me. Mom, when feelings of guilt get you down, let gratitude lift you back up! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!
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 Photo Credit: National Cancer Institute on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you chop up veggies for a salad! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience. Ya know, I wouldn't mind feeding my kids if they would just stay full. But no matter how much love I put into a meal, how much effort or energy or planning... they're hungry again in just a few hours. Over the couple of decades that I've been studying motherhood, I've determined that if I can make homemade meals less complicated, the more committed I’ll be to the work involved, and our whole family can bask in the many benefits: health, financial, and familial. I now have happy meal planning sessions because I just focus on including three elements in each meal: a protein (plant-based more often than not), a grain (ideally a whole one), and a fruit or veggie (bonus points for fresh produce!). I have removed some pressure from myself by teaching these elements to my kids, and having them do a mental checklist as they feed themselves breakfast or pack their school lunches. We have a list posted on the inside of a cabinet door so they can choose from things that are generally part of each week’s grocery trip. Oh, how I'd love to have a week's worth of dinners neatly typed up every Sunday night, but that's a battle I have only won periodically. Instead, I aim to know by 10am what we'll have for dinner that night -- and that has been a more victorious way for me to meal-plan! One way I thin-out the myriad possibilities is by assigning a theme to each night and finding a recipe that fits the genre. International night! Pasta night! Chicken night! Beans & rice night! Potatoes night! Seafood night! Leftovers night! I don't *really* want my kiddos to stop eating. I know it might keep my kitchen cleaner, but I've observed that kids with full tummies behave better, not to mention the obvious gains in physical growth. So, these simplified systems help me stay committed to healthful home-based meals and endure with confidence my family’s continual need for nourishment. Mom, what are some ways you can simplify this task that takes place at least 21 times each week? Increase how often you eat meals at home by brainstorming ways to meet the challenges inherent in this duty. Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: Diane Helentjaris on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you fold the laundry! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
Today’s topic is your FAMILY BANK! What’s that? You don’t have one? Sure you do! Just grab a notebook and separate a few pages for an account for each child who’s over the age of 4 or 5. Draw lines to make a column for the date, a wider column for the transaction, a column for the specific amount, and then a column with the running total. Next, create a system where each child *earns* deposits into their account... Our family has four ways the children can earn money, an acronym called CLAP because we applaud their efforts! Monday through Friday, they can earn a point in each of these four areas: C for Chores, L for Learning, A for Attitude, and P for Preparation. So that’s up to 20 points by the end of the week. We pay a penny per year of age per point, so if the ten year old gets fifteen points, that’s 1.50 that week. As an added incentive, we are willing to double their money if they get within two points of a perfect score. The child is encouraged to give part of their deposit to a charity, another portion to their older selves (aka savings). The remainder they are allowed to spend -- or save -- as they see fit. When the child wants to buy something, they can decide based on their Family Bank account balance. If they have enough money, *they* decide to buy or not. If they don't have enough money, then that lack of money is the deciding factor. THIS IS SO NICE for me as the Mom... I am no longer the bad guy who says no! In fact, I can show love and sympathy when they don't have enough money! Heck, I've been there before myself. Plus, I can use it as motivation to get their CLAP done in the future. Older kids can even be in charge of paying for their own clothes and entertainment. Richard & Linda Eyre’s book The Entitlement Trap has several great ideas for this Family Economy. So grab a notebook, Mama, and get your Family Bank going today! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: Timon Studler on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you stir the simmering stove top supper! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
Our families are like TEAMS, and in general, teams have a goal: to WIN! But we're not competing against other families so what does this mean, to win as a family? Our family decided it means to LOVE GOD and LOVE ONE ANOTHER, no matter what, and to make sure each family member feels that love based on how we interact with each other. Now, this plan for victory requires a LOT of PRACTICE -- like, DAILY -- just like sports teams practice daily! So, this indicates that we need to spend TIME with our family on a DAILY basis -- not just living in the same house watching the same TV, but actually interacting! Conversing! Playing! Eating Meals together… Supporting one another in various endeavors! ... and praying and laughing and crying and hugging and high-fiving and working and hobby-ing together... We also determined that some areas of behavior are like games of varying importance. Yeah, yeah, we want to win them all, but even the best coaches choose to let a team play less-than-their best sometimes so they can use their energy more wisely in higher-stakes games. Can we stand to "lose" a little in low-stakes games like scrimmages? Yes... but when it comes to things like loyalty, selflessness, and forgiveness -- these are like the Play-offs! The World Series! The Super Bowl! -- so we need to be playing with all our energy, effort, and fortitude. Yeah, fortitude -- isn’t that an awesome word? I often encourage my kids to upgrade their attitudes, and from now on, I'm going to suggest they try Fortitude!!!) Mama, what are the high stakes games in your family? What are the areas that you can minimize efforts in order to have the energy to win at the high stakes games? Share with us if practicing winning from this perspective elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: Kaylee Garrett on Unsplash Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip, empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
Lately, our family has been discussing, “what does it mean to be a Family Team?” Initially, the question of "Who is the Coach of the Family Team?" seemed to have an obvious answer: Mom and Dad! But, thinking about the role of Coach more specifically, we decided that Heavenly Father better fits that description. For one thing, Mom and Dad are out on the playing field of Life right along with our kiddos. We're figuring out the Game as we go, too. We might have been on the field a little longer than the children, kind of like being Seniors in High School versus the Little Leaguers. Heavenly Father, on the other hand, is so knowledgeable about the Game -- being that He is omniscient, and all! He has studied the opposition and knows their tactics… and in the case of the Family Team, we don't compete against other families, but rather against those forces that are trying to break down our family. These forces come in all shapes and sizes: scary things like immorality and addictions; ugly things like vulgarity and violence; things that disguise themselves as good, like over-scheduling or over-indulgence; sneaky things like selfishness and pride. Heavenly Father asks a lot of us, just like any good coach would. He requires us to build our muscles individually, in preparation, long before we compete in games. He wants us to workout on our own as well as show up to practice day in and day out, and scrimmage a bit. He knows what our individual challenges are and sets up situations to help us develop the skills we need to overcome those weaknesses. He has developed the Ultimate PlayBook, aka the Scriptures! Mama, try hiring God as your coach -- the only salary he requires is Love! Love God, Mama! He’ll fill your heart with even greater love! Share with us if this practice elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: Rojan Maharjan on Unsplash.com Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip, empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
Have you thought of your family as a team? It’s a fun way to look at how our family interacts. Just as sports teams have different positions to be played, we can define those roles for our family team. If I got to pick the team Captain, it would be Jesus Christ! He sets the example. He calls the shots. He takes the heat for us when we fail, and he encourages us to get up and try again. Our family team Cheerleader is ME, as the Mom! Okay, that might be a little gender-typing going on ... but for real, I LOVE cheering my kids on! What about the Waterboy? Could that be... Dad?! Ha, just kidding... although, in our family, he does a good job of making sure we have the Living Water in our lives. Who’s the Referee or Umpire? Hmmmm... in our family, that’s definitely our oldest child... He has already discovered the right way to do everything, so he makes sure everyone else lives up to that! Other position titles are sport specific, like quarterback, pitcher, goalie, scrum half (that's a rugby term!), attacker (lacrosse!), or chaser (quidditch). I'm sure each of us can think of ways our individual children fit into these various roles... and interestingly, we can mix sports metaphors on our family teams, because of the way WINNING is defined differently! Mama, take some time today to think about each of your children’s contributions to the family team. Offer them positive feedback about how they’re playing the game of life! High fives and fist pumps go a long way in cheering on our family teammates, and they play the game better when they know we’re their number one fans. Share if this cheerleading practice elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: Helena Lopes on Unsplash Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip, empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
We usually END our tip with a challenge, but I’m going to START that way today: Gather your family and have a discussion about how your family is a TEAM... Have everyone close their eyes and visualize whatever comes to their mind when they hear the word TEAM. Then have everyone share! Maybe your discussion will go a little like our family’s did... My oldest child pictured his favorite football team, the Broncos. Specifically, the logo since he was wearing Peyton Manning’s jersey. This taught us that there are individual team members and that teams are identified by certain artwork. I wondered if our family team has a logo of sorts? Next, my husband brought up the Red Sox and how they finally won the World Series after decades of not… Talk about team solidarity, and keeping on attempting to win no matter how many losses precede the final victory! My twins had the same thing in mind -- they are, after all, identical -- they had our favorite university playing against its rival. Upon further questioning, though, it turns out one of them was picturing a basketball game while the other had football in mind. That brought up the fact that there are different sports, and that there are competitions and rivalries… My brain kept trying to figure out how this applies to our family team. My four year old’s one-word contribution was, "Winning!" He also noted that winning is followed up with partying! My second oldest, Truman, pictured a team of people playing Dungeons and Dragons. This brought up the fact that not all teams are sports teams -- a perfect way for me to introduce the idea that our FAMILY is a TEAM, and that we want to WIN! Moms, try having this discussion about viewing your family as a TEAM -- then share with us on Facebook if practicing this new family vision elevates your mothering! |
