 Photo Credit: Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you eat chocolate! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
I was asked to speak in church on Mother's Day a few years ago. I'd heard so many women say that they avoid church on Mother's Day because they can't stand the guilt as the speakers dish about their perfect moms. Since my mom really is perfect, and talking about her would definitely make other mothers feel guilty, I spoke about Mary, the mother of Jesus, instead. No, that didn’t help the guilt, but it let me illustrate how each of our children is also one of God's children and even though we’re merely - and severely - mortal, He still allowed us to mother them. The key to accepting our imperfect selves is knowing, while incredibly sweet and adorable, our children aren't perfect either. They need to see how we handle missteps so they can handle their own! (Mary, the mother of Jesus, couldn't have that line of reasoning, since her son was, indeed, perfect. Oh well.) Instead of wallowing in guilt, I choose to wallow in gratitude -- and I mean really roll around and get myself covered in it!!! I am so very thankful to BE a mom, even though it humbles me every minute of every day. Gratitude goes to God for giving me eight children to teach and learn from and practice forgiveness with (both asking and giving). Gratitude goes to my mom for setting a beautiful example of dedicated motherhood. Gratitude to my husband for supporting me in so many ways, and loving me, even though I yell at his quiver full of kids every once in a while. And Gratitude goes to my children for loving me in spite of me. Mom, when feelings of guilt get you down, let gratitude lift you back up! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!
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 Photo Credit: Andrew George on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you clean out the car. Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
Here's a throwback to high school physics: remember the Law of Conservation of Matter? Here's a little reminder with an illustration Imagine a glass of milk and chocolate syrup. Mix those together: something has definitely changed, but the amount of total liquid is still the same as before. Even if you drink the milk and the cup appears to be empty, the liquid still exists -- it wasn’t destroyed -- it just changed places. Nothing was created, nothing was destroyed. Amount-wise, it all stayed the same regardless of the color change or change of place. Well, unfortunately, I tend to notice a Law of Conservation of Goodness in my life as a mother. I have several areas of my life in which I strive for improvement: getting the laundry done! being patient and calm with my children! exposing my children to good music! including the Lord in my day-to-day life! making nourishing meals! Managing my time so I get some one-on-one time with each of my kids as well as with girlfriends and my ever-lovin' husband! cleaning out the car! and the list goes on and on and on and on. So I set goals. And I work towards improvement. But it seems like when I get good at one thing, I get worse at another thing. Dangit! That's what I mean about the Law of Conservation of Goodness -- that it appears I can neither create nor destroy the total amount of goodness in my life. It seems stuck at a constant and just changes form, changes color, changes places, changes which goal it applies to. However, in all honesty, I've determined that this is a FALSE law. Oh, it might apply to energy and matter in physics. But as I am getting old enough now to have a little hindsight, I can see a little success in my attempts to get better, even though it looked like it was balanced out by regression in a neglected area. I am definitely better off than if I hadn't ever made the attempts. Journaling has allowed me to gain this more accurate perspective, and I recommend this practice to you! Mom, genuinely give yourself credit for how you’ve gradually improved over the years, and pat yourself on the back, resolving not to get discouraged as the path of progression stretches out to the horizon. Use a journal to record your thoughts. Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: Brytny on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you rock your newborn to sleep! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
NEWSFLASH: Babies cry. They cry for all sorts of reasons. My job is to try to figure out why they're crying, and then do what I can to resolve the problem or at least offer a little comfort. They might still cry, even when I'm doin' my darndest to make it stop. Sometimes, I notice that I'm singing to them not because it calms them, but because it calms me! (It only just now occurred to me that possibly my singing makes them cry worse). Amidst the various and sundry cry-fests daily, I don’t see a need to purposely add more crying nightly! Our American culture is so steeped in the cry-it-out method for bedtime that precious little info is out there for moms who want to do it differently. I recommend a book called "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. The author recognizes that some of us just don't want sleep-time to be cry-time. She has experience both co-sleeping (which I enjoy), and crib-sleeping. The trick she teaches is the importance of a routine, good options to include in a sleep routine, and how to successfully establish a routine so that bedtime is better all around. So, baby and I follow a solid routine both for naps and nighttime. I have it posted in our bedroom to help myself remember the steps *in order* -- because babies are so tuned in to structure. Repetitively doing the routine wires baby’s brain so that each element serves as a sleep-signal. As we go through each step, baby winds down and gets sleepier and sleepier eventually drifting peacefully off... to... sleeeee... honk,shoooo… Moms, institute a bedtime routine with your little ones -- it’s never too late! -- then share if this practice elevates your mothering! Here's our routine in detail, plus a few extra notes from the book! Change diaper (smile calmly and tell her it's sleep time) close door & turn off light turn on white-noise wrap in blankie; offer lovey-doll (keep smiling calmly so she has positive feelings about sleep) dance together while singing until she's very drowsy shhhh in her ear while I put her down keep shushing as I leave the room If she wakes up and fusses for more than ten seconds or so, go back in and do the routine again (starting at the blankie/lovey part). Chart how it goes over the course of ten days, and you'll see a difference as both you and baby get accustomed to the routine. Keep up the ten-day increments to keep seeing progress. Keep in mind that baby's body has to adjust to lots of changes as she grows, such as teething, learning new skills from grasping with hands to walking, and these can disrupt sleep patterns. The routine will rescue you and create a calm, bonding bedtime ritual each time.  Photo Credit: Jewel Johnson on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you get out the ingredients for this recipe! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
There are beans in my fudge. Black beans. In my fudge. Ya can't taste 'em. The fudge is still quite fudge-y -- *plenty* of sugar... The kids love it. I was even honest with them about the beans and they didn't seem worried at all. I've been eating plenty of bean-y fudge and I can report that there are no gaseous side effects so far! I’d also like to report an analogy that Beanie Fudge has brought to my mind. 21st century life is sweet!! Sometimes sickeningly sweet (like fudge). We have so many modern conveniences, time-saving devices, luxuries that are so commonplace we don’t even realize they’re luxuries anymore… and entertainment options out the wazoo. When we hear about life even just one century ago, we moan and groan just thinking about all the work those poor people had to do. Work, after all, is a four-letter word! Work is like the beans in my fudge... Hey, bean is four-letter word, too! The fiber, vitamins, minerals, and protein of beans offer life-sustaining substance amidst the sweetness that corrodes our teeth and disables our immune systems. Admittedly, there is still approximately four times as much sugar as there are beans in this recipe. Maybe that mirrors our modern-day ratio of play-to-work? Back in our grandparents' day, it was mostly beans and maybe a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down... Sometimes, I worry about our current culture of work avoidance, and feel that my duty as a mom is to introduce some beans in friendly ways, maybe disguised a bit in cocoa… I don’t feel a need to eliminate the "sugar" altogether, but I conscientiously include *some* beans amidst the fudge so that if circumstances change and a reverse ratio of beans to sugar were required, it wouldn’t be a total shock to our systems! I want to raise my children with both beans and sweetness. Hopefully, just like we’ve happily discovered about Beanie Fudge, this metaphorical equivalent will also be flatulence-free! Moms, try making Beanie Fudge both in real life and metaphorically, then share if this practice elevates your mothering! The recipe is on the Momivate website under the Blogs tab in Two Minute Mom Tips BEANIE FUDGE 1 Can of Black Beans -- about 1 and 1/4 cups -- drained and rinsed 3/4 Cup cocoa -- rounded 3/4 Cup butter and/or coconut oil, warm enough to be mostly liquid 4 Cups powdered sugar -- scant NOW CHOOSE A FLAVOR: 2 Tbsps Vanilla OR 6-8 drops peppermint essential oil OR 3 Tbsp. peanut butter Blend in food processor or blender until smooth & creamy! Pour onto waxed paper and refrigerate at least 20 minutes before serving. Keep leftovers in the fridge -- if there are any! (Use at room temperature as frosting!)  Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you pack up your 72 hour kits. (Fair warning: this Mom Tip is actually 3 minutes long...) Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
On Wednesday morning, March 11, 2020, my family was gathered for our morning devotional, and an odd, rumbling noise caused us all to pause. Instantaneously, I knew it was an earthquake, and said so just the millisecond before the trembling began. We all scattered to find a door jamb as quickly as we could, and about 20 seconds of 5.7 Richter Scale shaking later, we sat back down on the sofas to start processing together what had just happened. One thing we talked about was how grateful we were that, even though we had just experienced a natural disaster, we didn’t end up needing our 72 hour kits. We have had the practice of keeping 72 hour kits stocked and ready for an emergency -- and I can say how grateful I am that we’ve never had to use them. But having them packed and ready was instrumental in helping us feel a measure of calm in the midst of the quake. Would you like to feel one step ahead of the unpredictable? With all of the craziness on the news, from earthquakes, hurricanes, and wildfires to locust infestations, knowing we can't control what happens can be an unsettling acknowledgement. But choosing to prepare for the just-in-case can help us handle whatever comes without feeling totally out of control. To build our 72 hour kits on a budget, I bought second-hand backpacks and small suitcases with wheels, making sure the zippers work. Once the food and other necessities are packed in there, it’s pretty heavy, so having the option to drag it rather than carry it is ideal since we can't predict how far we might need to walk. Some people might simplify the whole shebang by buying MREs. I've never eaten an MRE, but I've heard horror stories… so I decided on a different system. I acknowledge the reality that food is not just for nourishment, but also for comfort, and considering that the situation in which using a 72-hour-kit would likely be a time we need comfort, I pack ours with food that serves both purposes. My system may not be the most efficient but there’s a hidden function within that lack of efficiency. Because the food is only packaged to last around six months, it requires us to unpack and re-pack every six months (or so) which gives us a prime opportunity to review all the contents of the kits (not just the food) and have low-pressure discussions as to why each item is included and how it is used. The kids kinda like it when we pull out all these packaged foods to rotate because they get to eat items we don’t often include in our day-to-day diets but that they view as desirable. And hey, in an emergency, comfort in the form of food is a double whammy. Since our 72-hour-kit menu might be useful to fellow mamas who see a need to be a little bit “preppy” (that word used to have a whole different connotation back in the 80s), the list is on the two-minute-mom-tip blog, so log on and take a peek as you consider an emergency plan for your family! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering! 72 Hour Kit MENU: divided up according to the component of our E element in the RAISE acronym -- “Three Parts to Every Meal: Protein, Grain, and Fruits/Veggies. 72 hours is 9 meals, so each child packs 27 items total, chosen from these options: PROTEINS: tuna/chicken salad -- in little cans, boxed with crackers, from the dollar store trail mix Small packets of peanut butter beef sticks vienna sausages Pudding Protein bars and shakes FRUITS: apple sauce Raisins Juice boxes Fruit leather Fruit snacks Cans of corn, peas, carrots… (and a can opener if they’re not pop-top!) GRAINS: Crackers, with cheese or peanut butter inside Cheez-its granola bars sandwich cookies Pop-tarts (which have a little fruit on the inside) OTHER: Bottled water (we fit two to three in each backpack) bags of hard candy (to suck on to trick the mind about thirst)  Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you wipe fingerprints off the mirror! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience. One day, my 12 year old son came to me, telling me he was tired of getting reprimanded. Now, he's a good kid with a great sense of humor. He has excellent work ethic and is very thorough *when* he does his chores. This particular day, he hadn't yet done his chores even after several reminders... and as he voiced his concern, I had to agree that I had indeed been getting on him quite a bit for his annoying actions towards his siblings. I never intended to be the kind of mother who points out everything my child is doing wrong. I also regretted focusing on his faults, since I buy into the concept that what you focus on increases! I took a deep breath and hugged him and suggested we have a chat, assuring him that I knew one of his talents is his willingness to talk things over! We discussed what kinds of actions were getting him into trouble. As our conversation continued, it became clear that he had been so busy bugging his brothers and sisters that he ran out of time to do his chores. I decided to take what we were learning and phrase it more positively: When you're busy doing the things you're supposed to be doing, you won't have time to get in trouble! I can think of all sorts of ways this applies to life! Not just the life of a sweet 12 year old who is feeling worn down, but to all of us who struggle with guilt. Sometimes I’m so aware of my imperfections and basically reprimand myself all day -- that it sucks away my energy to accomplish the good stuff. So I'm going to start taking my own advice and flip that dynamic to my benefit. I'm going to be so busy with the good stuff that the bad stuff will naturally get cut out of my time-limited day. I won't have time to scowl, yell, and complain, because I’ll be too busy being grateful, giving compliments and encouragement, and smiling instead. Mom, try replacing the things that get you in trouble with good things that you’re supposed to be doing! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering! 
Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you climb a tree.
Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
They say that it takes 21 days to build a good habit. I have a few decades’ worth of goal-setting experience that proves that to be about right... My experience also says that it takes less than one day to fall out of that hard-earned habit... Just like climbing a tree: On the way up, I must carefully choose which limb to grasp, then use my muscles to pull myself. It can be a time-consuming, arduous process -- but falling down from the tree can happen pretty much instantaneously with no effort at all on my part. AAAACCCKKKK!!!! Thank you, gravity. And so the metaphor continues: there’s gravity in that more ethereal sense of our efforts to progress and improve in life. Forces that pull us down or times when we lose sight of the goal and loosen our grips, losing our footholds and then falling. But let’s not allow gravity to win. Defeat must be seen as temporary. There’s a great song called Tubthumping that helps me stand back up and start climbing that tree again. Here’s a fun rendition sung by an acapella group that got voted off an entertainment competition show called The Sing Off. Let’s train our brains so that when we fall, we respond by giving ourselves pep-talks (or pep songs, as the case may be!)! Can you feel these pats on the back, Mom?! No purpose is served in wallowing in the mud or being mad at ourselves. Momivate is a play on the word motivate, and we must do it for ourselves as well as for our children. How many times we fall down isn’t important as long as we stand back up Mom, decide just one area where you’ve fallen, and make the effort to stand back up and dust yourself off today. You’ve got this! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you wipe fingerprints off the TV. Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
I get it! I get it, fellow mamas -- I TOTALLY understand why TV is placed on a pedestal in our society. For one thing,
Well, the nonprofit Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood has researched why it’s crucial to curb our children’s screen use. They sponsor Screen Free Week, providing tons of resources to help us succeed in this practically impossible endeavor. Additionally, they help us as parents teach tech-responsibility to our children because the reality is that being screen-free is a luxury not many of us can afford, oddly enough. So we need to be putting the necessary effort into teaching screen self-control starting as soon as the baby pretends her banana is a phone. It absolutely definitely one hundred percent totally completely and drastically affects the atmosphere in our home when our “master-and-slave” relationship with screens has “we, the people” as the masters, not the slaves. Mom, try going screen free for a day or two each week, then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: Lidya Nada on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you put dishes into the dishwasher. Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
Have you ever been in a situation where complaining or whining might be justified, but for some reason you chose to take a deep breath and stay calm. It’s not easy, but it’s rewards are immediate! The challenge to accept responsibility for one's own reaction is one of those self-discipline muscles that we need to build -- and life gives us plenty of opportunities. When we can't control anything else about our circumstances, we can at least keep control of ourselves, our emotions, our attitude. Charles Swindoll, founder of the radio program Insights for Living, got it right when he said: "The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important ... than education, than money, ... than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. ... It will make or break a company, a church, a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. ... We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you. We are in charge of our attitudes." I want to empower my children by teaching them this concept, and I work (it is definitely WORK) to set an example of it, and together we’re discovering all the ways we can improve our personal reality simply by smiling, or letting things go, or looking for solutions, what we CAN do, rather than dwelling on the CAN'Ts. We aren’t perfect, -- and yet we try to maintain a good attitude about our imperfections! Mama, examine your attitude and how you might upgrade it in just one way today, and see what a difference it makes. Then share if this practice elevates your mothering! |
