 Photo Credit: Kevin Gent on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you help your child put their shoes on! Hi, I’m Regan from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
My three-year-old's favorite PBS show is called Dinosaur Train. Yesterday I walked in as the show was ending and Dr. Scott the Paleontologist announced that it was now time to turn off the TV, go outside, and "make your own discoveries!" I borrowed a little of Dr. Scott's enthusiasm and repeated the same invitation as I flicked the off button. I braced for the usual protest -- "Just one more show!!!" but instead, my little guy looked at me with excitement in his eyes and said, "Yeah! Let's go make our own discoveries!" Then as an afterthought, he asked, "Mom, what's a discovery?" "Oh, child," I said with awe in my voice as I grabbed his pudgy little hands, as we walked to the back door. "Discovery is looking around with eyes wide open. You see things you’ve already seen AND you notice brand new things. Then... Then..." I paused to build his anticipation. We sat down to put on his shoes. "Then..." "You think and you wonder and you ask questions and you want to know and learn and -- " (using my best mysterious voice, I continued) -- " you solve mysteries and expose secrets!" His verbal response: “Awesome” was accompanied by a non-verbal response that was even better. He took hold of his one-year old sister's pudgy little hand, led her out the door, and with gentle joy, showed her a lady bug. Mom, try exemplifying enthusiasm to spark the curiosity about real life as you limit screen time today, then share if this practice elevates your mothering!
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 Photo Credit: Matthew Lancaster on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you drive your car through the carwash. Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
America the Beautiful -- and the WEALTHY! We moan and groan about the prices of gasoline and groceries... but seriously?!? The poor among us live better than the kings of the middle ages. Living in an Abundant Society is a blessing... right?! Well, yes! I thank God every day in prayer for modern day luxuries and conveniences. But I’m convinced there are also Curses connected to Living in an Abundance The Seven Deadly Sins give us a framework to describe how our plentitude contributes to destructive vices. Could being wealthy encourage lust? Since we have so much free time and expendable income, we can afford to spend time and money on pornography & prostitution... yes, those forms of lust have been around since the beginning of time, but they are more accessible, and --worse-- more acceptable amidst abundance. Since getting a meal is as easy as driving up to the fast-food window and paying a minimal amount for a high-calorie, low-nutrition meal, our gluttony contributes to our obesity and the resultant healthcare crisis, a curse for sure. We’ve labeled an entire generation “The Me Generation” and talk worriedly about entitlement, a synonym for greed. Meeting survival needs so easily means that we can focus our efforts on other things -- or on nothing. We can be lazy but we won't starve. Abundance means there are no built-in negative consequences to discourage sloth. Why would having plenty lead to anger?! Opportunities to develop and practice patience, the antithesis to anger, are fewer and further between amidst abundance. Envy fuels debt so we can “keep up with the Joneses.” Debt is definitely destructive. Pride -- the attitude that having more than someone else makes you better than they are -- hmmm... Is abundance linked to pridefulness? Is childbirth linked to motherhood? America currently has money for all of our needs and many of our wants, plus enough to help other countries. My hope is that we'll enjoy the benefits brought on by wealth while conscientiously avoiding the potential curses it could contribute to. Mom, develop proper monetary attitudes with your children, discussing wants and needs so that living in abundance remains a blessing. Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you eat chocolate! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
I was asked to speak in church on Mother's Day a few years ago. I'd heard so many women say that they avoid church on Mother's Day because they can't stand the guilt as the speakers dish about their perfect moms. Since my mom really is perfect, and talking about her would definitely make other mothers feel guilty, I spoke about Mary, the mother of Jesus, instead. No, that didn’t help the guilt, but it let me illustrate how each of our children is also one of God's children and even though we’re merely - and severely - mortal, He still allowed us to mother them. The key to accepting our imperfect selves is knowing, while incredibly sweet and adorable, our children aren't perfect either. They need to see how we handle missteps so they can handle their own! (Mary, the mother of Jesus, couldn't have that line of reasoning, since her son was, indeed, perfect. Oh well.) Instead of wallowing in guilt, I choose to wallow in gratitude -- and I mean really roll around and get myself covered in it!!! I am so very thankful to BE a mom, even though it humbles me every minute of every day. Gratitude goes to God for giving me eight children to teach and learn from and practice forgiveness with (both asking and giving). Gratitude goes to my mom for setting a beautiful example of dedicated motherhood. Gratitude to my husband for supporting me in so many ways, and loving me, even though I yell at his quiver full of kids every once in a while. And Gratitude goes to my children for loving me in spite of me. Mom, when feelings of guilt get you down, let gratitude lift you back up! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: Christopher Johnson on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you wipe the counters! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
As my 12-year old son paced around the kitchen shaking his hands, he explained his frenetic movements by declaring: “I just drank half an energy drink!” Our family tries to avoid caffeine in general, but rather than scold or be judgemental, I kept the conversation going by showing a little curiosity: "I've heard they don't taste very good -- what did you think?" "I thought it tasted good, but so did Josie and she drank the rest of it." I continued drawing out more info, using an even tone of voice. Not wanting to cause alarm and have him feel defensive... "Hmmm. How many hours ago was this? Have you experienced a crash yet?" "Um, I don't think so. See how I'm all jittery? I think it's still affecting me, making me want to keep moving. Crash would mean I'd go to sleep, right?" "Well, son, honestly, I don't know cuz I’ve never tried one. I've just seen advertising claiming one product is better because of a lesser-crash-factor." "Oh, yeah, I've seen those commercials too." I could see something in his eyes start processing his own body and how being "under the influence" was affecting him. Self-awareness is so important in situations like this -- where he can draw his own conclusions guided by light mom-pressure. "I think that's why energy drinks are considered addictive,” I kept talking nonchalantly while wiping down the countertops. “The drinker enjoys the high so much they don't want to experience the coming down, so they keep on drinking the product!" I wanted to enable him to think things through, while slipping in some kindly insights from his ever-lovin' Mama. I hope that my love, shown through calm conversation, will inspire my child to want the best for himself. If he still chooses to take on the caffeine dependence, my love will empower him when he’s ready to face the struggle of breaking free from it. I won’t be saying, “I told you so” -- I’ll be saying “I know you can do it!” Mom, try having a low-key conversation about a concern you have with your child -- in your head, first, so you can visualize a calm connection, realizing that consistent, calm, repetitive conversations likely have a longer-term, more positive impact than heated, rare discussions. Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: Brytny on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you rock your newborn to sleep! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
NEWSFLASH: Babies cry. They cry for all sorts of reasons. My job is to try to figure out why they're crying, and then do what I can to resolve the problem or at least offer a little comfort. They might still cry, even when I'm doin' my darndest to make it stop. Sometimes, I notice that I'm singing to them not because it calms them, but because it calms me! (It only just now occurred to me that possibly my singing makes them cry worse). Amidst the various and sundry cry-fests daily, I don’t see a need to purposely add more crying nightly! Our American culture is so steeped in the cry-it-out method for bedtime that precious little info is out there for moms who want to do it differently. I recommend a book called "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. The author recognizes that some of us just don't want sleep-time to be cry-time. She has experience both co-sleeping (which I enjoy), and crib-sleeping. The trick she teaches is the importance of a routine, good options to include in a sleep routine, and how to successfully establish a routine so that bedtime is better all around. So, baby and I follow a solid routine both for naps and nighttime. I have it posted in our bedroom to help myself remember the steps *in order* -- because babies are so tuned in to structure. Repetitively doing the routine wires baby’s brain so that each element serves as a sleep-signal. As we go through each step, baby winds down and gets sleepier and sleepier eventually drifting peacefully off... to... sleeeee... honk,shoooo… Moms, institute a bedtime routine with your little ones -- it’s never too late! -- then share if this practice elevates your mothering! Here's our routine in detail, plus a few extra notes from the book! Change diaper (smile calmly and tell her it's sleep time) close door & turn off light turn on white-noise wrap in blankie; offer lovey-doll (keep smiling calmly so she has positive feelings about sleep) dance together while singing until she's very drowsy shhhh in her ear while I put her down keep shushing as I leave the room If she wakes up and fusses for more than ten seconds or so, go back in and do the routine again (starting at the blankie/lovey part). Chart how it goes over the course of ten days, and you'll see a difference as both you and baby get accustomed to the routine. Keep up the ten-day increments to keep seeing progress. Keep in mind that baby's body has to adjust to lots of changes as she grows, such as teething, learning new skills from grasping with hands to walking, and these can disrupt sleep patterns. The routine will rescue you and create a calm, bonding bedtime ritual each time.  Photo Credit: Jewel Johnson on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you get out the ingredients for this recipe! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
There are beans in my fudge. Black beans. In my fudge. Ya can't taste 'em. The fudge is still quite fudge-y -- *plenty* of sugar... The kids love it. I was even honest with them about the beans and they didn't seem worried at all. I've been eating plenty of bean-y fudge and I can report that there are no gaseous side effects so far! I’d also like to report an analogy that Beanie Fudge has brought to my mind. 21st century life is sweet!! Sometimes sickeningly sweet (like fudge). We have so many modern conveniences, time-saving devices, luxuries that are so commonplace we don’t even realize they’re luxuries anymore… and entertainment options out the wazoo. When we hear about life even just one century ago, we moan and groan just thinking about all the work those poor people had to do. Work, after all, is a four-letter word! Work is like the beans in my fudge... Hey, bean is four-letter word, too! The fiber, vitamins, minerals, and protein of beans offer life-sustaining substance amidst the sweetness that corrodes our teeth and disables our immune systems. Admittedly, there is still approximately four times as much sugar as there are beans in this recipe. Maybe that mirrors our modern-day ratio of play-to-work? Back in our grandparents' day, it was mostly beans and maybe a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down... Sometimes, I worry about our current culture of work avoidance, and feel that my duty as a mom is to introduce some beans in friendly ways, maybe disguised a bit in cocoa… I don’t feel a need to eliminate the "sugar" altogether, but I conscientiously include *some* beans amidst the fudge so that if circumstances change and a reverse ratio of beans to sugar were required, it wouldn’t be a total shock to our systems! I want to raise my children with both beans and sweetness. Hopefully, just like we’ve happily discovered about Beanie Fudge, this metaphorical equivalent will also be flatulence-free! Moms, try making Beanie Fudge both in real life and metaphorically, then share if this practice elevates your mothering! The recipe is on the Momivate website under the Blogs tab in Two Minute Mom Tips BEANIE FUDGE 1 Can of Black Beans -- about 1 and 1/4 cups -- drained and rinsed 3/4 Cup cocoa -- rounded 3/4 Cup butter and/or coconut oil, warm enough to be mostly liquid 4 Cups powdered sugar -- scant NOW CHOOSE A FLAVOR: 2 Tbsps Vanilla OR 6-8 drops peppermint essential oil OR 3 Tbsp. peanut butter Blend in food processor or blender until smooth & creamy! Pour onto waxed paper and refrigerate at least 20 minutes before serving. Keep leftovers in the fridge -- if there are any! (Use at room temperature as frosting!)  Photo by Tamar Waskey on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you take a bubble bath while your husband does bedtime with the kids! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
Aahhhh, bedtime! We all look forward to it, don't we? At least, we look forward to the time when those energetic little ones finally rest, so we can too. Luckily, I've been blessed to get to look forward to the actual getting-ready-for-bed rigamarole also! For some reason, it isn't a huge struggle in our family... in fact, it's a lovely bonding time! I guess I'm making it sound like the "some reason" is unbeknownst to me and we've just had this beautiful fate befall us out of nowhere. To tell the truth, though, I do know the reason. It's called: Daddy! Let me tell you about the conversation I had with an attractive member of the male species back in college days. He mentioned that he planned to take the advice of one of his professors who suggested a secret to success in marriage and parenthood: Daddy does bedtime. I decided to marry said male right then and there! Mommy is so worn out from making decisions and refereeing and cleaning up messes and her patience has worn thin and she just wants to go to bed herself, not try to convince and connive and coerce. Daddy, on the other hand, hasn't yet gotten to spend quality time with his offspring and he brings a different kind of energy to the experience. The kids are excited to get to spend time with him, even if it means they end up asleep -- at least they're dreaming sweet dreams. We post a bedtime list so the kids can keep Daddy focused, from baths and jammies to teeth brushing and saying prayers and reading books, the kids usually cooperate but if they don’t, Daddy gets to deal with the discipline instead of Mom having to again (an important dynamic to include him in that part of parenting.) All-in-all, from the time Daddy sends them off to put on pajamas to when their eyelids are finally closed for the night, it's a good hour of his time, but he doesn't seem to mind at all. It’s an hour of connecting, redirecting, bonding and blessing these precious children of his, and the effects last more than an hour and expand to more than just good sleep. And Mommy has been relaxing (aka recovering) in the other room... So when Dad comes to do bedtime with her, they can reconnect successfully in their own special way! Moms, try giving the bedtime responsibility to Daddy, helping him see the potential fatherly benefits of such an arrangement, then share if this practice elevates your mothering!
Dry Bones Song - The foot bone connected to the ankle bone - songs for kids by Alina Celeste
Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you pick up your kids' backpacks off the floor! (Just kidding -- you'll get the joke as you listen, though)
Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
As moms, we often notice family dynamics that aren’t necessarily positive. As moms, we often feel like we need to take charge and change up those dynamics -- and if we can do so in a positive, non-threatening manner and tone, it’s easier to be patient as the dynamic generally requires time to be adjusted. One situation we have had to work on in our family is when the kids come home from school... They're so happy and relieved to be home, and of course, they need their hands free so they can hug me! So they drop their coat and backpack on the floor right in front of the door. Then they go about getting a snack … and the coat and backpack are left to be booby-traps, ready to trip the poor unassuming person who happens to come home next. I decided that my kids’ brains need to be connected to their hands, so that when their hands are ready to let go of any given object, their brains send out a red alert, "Wait! Don't let go until the item is where it belongs!!!" Now, I tend to think that my children’s brains, although not fully-formed, really do know where things belong. It's just that their brains aren't aware of what's happening down at the end of the arms. So that's when we put our hands on our heads and say in the spirit of that old folk song, "Brain bones connected to the hand bones!" To hear Alina Celeste's version of this silly song -- since she's a professional singer and likely more fun to listen to -- pop onto our Momivate.org website and it'll be under Two-Minute Mom Tips in the Blog section! Moms, try being silly with your kids to help them learn a new habit, then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you paint rocks for fun! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience. Are you familiar with Chris Van Allsburg, the author of children’s books? He’s probably most famous for The Polar Express since a movie was made from it -- and the truth holds: the book is better!! But the one I’d like to highlight today is called The Wretched Stone. It’s written as a ship captain’s log and it details the discovery of a large shining stone which captivates his sailors and turns them into monkeys! I believe Chris Van Allsburg was making some social commentary with this story! Our screens are like this wretched stone, stealing the childhood from our children in various ways: they don’t get as much fresh air, have fewer opportunities to build their work ethic or people skills, and regardless of the content being viewed, just the amount of time is linked to anxiety, depression, and can exacerbate autism, so there’s an unidentified force coming through the screen as well. In the past, "Screen Time" as our family calls it -- was a privilege the child had to earn. However, I struggled with this system because I felt like I was rewarding them with something that has little-to-no value, but by calling it a reward, I was inadvertently sending the message that it is valuable. So now our family is trying out a different system. We have assigned the hour before dinner to be the only time they are allowed to use the various wretched stones. Oh, they still have to have their homework done and be done with their chores, so, in that sense, we're teaching them prioritization. However, we no longer consider Screen Time a privilege -- we call it Techno-Mush-Brain Hour, a carefully chosen name that includes a warning to our children, hopefully discouraging overuse. So far, I think it's working pretty well. It helps them hurry to finish their homework and chores so they don’t drag those out all evening. It also means that the rest of the evening after dinner, they just find something else to do -- and it's a beautiful thing to see how they get creative with their free time -- like writing and performing plays, singing karaoke, doing yoga, drawing, and playing games with their siblings. Moms, how can you teach your family the disadvantages of screen time as you make an effort to decrease it? Share if this practice elevates your mothering!  Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you wipe fingerprints off the mirror! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience. One day, my 12 year old son came to me, telling me he was tired of getting reprimanded. Now, he's a good kid with a great sense of humor. He has excellent work ethic and is very thorough *when* he does his chores. This particular day, he hadn't yet done his chores even after several reminders... and as he voiced his concern, I had to agree that I had indeed been getting on him quite a bit for his annoying actions towards his siblings. I never intended to be the kind of mother who points out everything my child is doing wrong. I also regretted focusing on his faults, since I buy into the concept that what you focus on increases! I took a deep breath and hugged him and suggested we have a chat, assuring him that I knew one of his talents is his willingness to talk things over! We discussed what kinds of actions were getting him into trouble. As our conversation continued, it became clear that he had been so busy bugging his brothers and sisters that he ran out of time to do his chores. I decided to take what we were learning and phrase it more positively: When you're busy doing the things you're supposed to be doing, you won't have time to get in trouble! I can think of all sorts of ways this applies to life! Not just the life of a sweet 12 year old who is feeling worn down, but to all of us who struggle with guilt. Sometimes I’m so aware of my imperfections and basically reprimand myself all day -- that it sucks away my energy to accomplish the good stuff. So I'm going to start taking my own advice and flip that dynamic to my benefit. I'm going to be so busy with the good stuff that the bad stuff will naturally get cut out of my time-limited day. I won't have time to scowl, yell, and complain, because I’ll be too busy being grateful, giving compliments and encouragement, and smiling instead. Mom, try replacing the things that get you in trouble with good things that you’re supposed to be doing! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  The author and her voluminous eyebrows. Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you pluck your eyebrows. Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience. I once attended the funeral of a mother of many children even though I didn’t know her personally, but because I knew a few of her children and wanted to show my support to them. I listened intently as her daughter praised her mother's disciplinary methods, which must have been effective considering how those of her adult children that I knew were kind, loving, solid people. The most memorable quip that I still remember several years later was: "She Raised Us with her Eyebrow" I happen to have plentiful eyebrows. I have to pluck them so they don't grow into one big eyebrow. I’ll include a photo of myself if you promise not to covet my natural beauty.
In spite of my God-given eyebrows, I do not feel like they give me any sort of edge when it comes to raising my children... in fact, I have to watch myself and make sure these eyebrows of mine are not constantly scowling. Aha! Maybe that's a clue! Maybe making sure *my* eyebrows are raised -- raised in delight, or in a welcome-home smile, or gratitude… or perhaps just silly quizzical goofiness! The more I think about it, the more I realize how important the raising of my eyebrows can be in contrast to raising my voice. Raising an eyebrow to show concern, like "Do you really want to continue making that mistake?" Raising an eyebrow of warning, "Try to think ahead about where your current actions may lead..." I’ve decided that even though I never met that mother, I want to be like her. It seems that being at her funeral ultimately allowed me to be uplifted -- or shall we say raised?! -- by her eyebrows, too! Mom, what signals are your facial expressions sending to your children? Try raising your eyebrows or the corners of your mouth more often! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: Viktor Nikolaienko on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you fill up the dog's food and water. Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
I took a child psychology class in college. My professor was strongly opinionated, biased towards his own published research which claimed that the only effective form of discipline is a system of rewards and punishments, that our children are basically like Pavlov’s dogs. Well, now that I'm a mom, I hereby declare this professor's viewpoints as over-simplified and incomplete. Instead, I feel that the concepts of Positive Discipline are much more thorough in covering a broader scope of our children’s emotions. That's not to say I never use rewards or punishments. I use them a lot -- specifically the rewards! And that’s where the two theories coincide, which is a good clue as to the validity of that concept. Over the years of integrating “rewards” into real-life motherhood, I’ve come to realize that high-fives are about all the reward a child really ever needs. Oh, and otter-pops for going pee all by themselves. Tee hee! Really, though, rather than invest in cavity-causing candy, or in a supply of little toys that later become stifling clutter, I just offer that awesome kid with the good behavior a high-five. And he's happy, and I'm happy! And I'm not ashamed to mention another compelling fact: slippin' skin is free. Palm patting is universally accepted as very valuable -- even though it costs nothing. And because it’s free, I can give it freely. As Positive Discipline teaches us: the more, the better. Other similar rewards include a cheer! a hug! a thumbs-up! a pat on the back! the "A-OK" sign! capturing the moment on the camera! offering to call Daddy or Grandma to report the success! The KIND of positive interaction isn’t nearly as important as how OFTEN it’s offered. The genuine joy my child sees on my face as we celebrate their victory is infectious -- one of the few infections we want to spread. Moms, try increasing these simple rewards in the lives of your children, then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  No children were harmed in the making of this photo. Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you brush your teeth! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience. I used to get all tense when one of my children would ask if they could spend some time on the computer or watching TV. I suppose I envisioned them singing as they ran up a mountain wearing matching clothes made from curtains. Alas, they're normal when it comes to desiring the more modern method of relaxing, indoors in front of some sort of technological toy. So they would ask, and I felt like I held a heavy two edged Sword of Decision: saying NO would make me the Mean Mom who never lets her children do anything fun… and saying YES would make me the Irresponsible Mom who just asks them not to drool on the keyboard! I just wanted to Knight my offspring as “Wise Users of Time,” but I worried I would wield that Sword of Decision so arbitrarily that I’d cut their heads off instead. Luckily, I was introduced to the Yes=Yes Principle (which can also be referred to as the No=No Principle), where Screen Time is designated as a Privilege earned proportionate to time spent on a Priority, such as homework or chores or athletics or artwork. When my child asks for Screen Time, I simply ask about the priority that we’ve tied it to. If they answer Yes, then I answer Yes! Here's a sample situation: "Hey, Mom, can I play Wizards 101 for 20 minutes?" "Hi, son, thanks for asking. Have you played Piano for 20 minutes today?" "Yes..." "Okay, then, Yes!!" As my children have developed an understanding of the principle, the conversation sometimes goes like this: "Hey, Mom, I wanna watch the football game." "Oh, well, are your chores done?" "Uhhhh, hold on..." (TIME PASSES) "Hey, Mom, my chores are done!" "Great! Then enjoy the football game!" Aaaahhh, it's such a relief to hand the Sword of Decision back to the child! Mom, make a list of priorities and privileges that you can link to one another using the Yes=Yes Principle! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: Diane Helentjaris on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you fold the laundry! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
Today’s topic is your FAMILY BANK! What’s that? You don’t have one? Sure you do! Just grab a notebook and separate a few pages for an account for each child who’s over the age of 4 or 5. Draw lines to make a column for the date, a wider column for the transaction, a column for the specific amount, and then a column with the running total. Next, create a system where each child *earns* deposits into their account... Our family has four ways the children can earn money, an acronym called CLAP because we applaud their efforts! Monday through Friday, they can earn a point in each of these four areas: C for Chores, L for Learning, A for Attitude, and P for Preparation. So that’s up to 20 points by the end of the week. We pay a penny per year of age per point, so if the ten year old gets fifteen points, that’s 1.50 that week. As an added incentive, we are willing to double their money if they get within two points of a perfect score. The child is encouraged to give part of their deposit to a charity, another portion to their older selves (aka savings). The remainder they are allowed to spend -- or save -- as they see fit. When the child wants to buy something, they can decide based on their Family Bank account balance. If they have enough money, *they* decide to buy or not. If they don't have enough money, then that lack of money is the deciding factor. THIS IS SO NICE for me as the Mom... I am no longer the bad guy who says no! In fact, I can show love and sympathy when they don't have enough money! Heck, I've been there before myself. Plus, I can use it as motivation to get their CLAP done in the future. Older kids can even be in charge of paying for their own clothes and entertainment. Richard & Linda Eyre’s book The Entitlement Trap has several great ideas for this Family Economy. So grab a notebook, Mama, and get your Family Bank going today! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: Timon Studler on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you stir the simmering stove top supper! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
Our families are like TEAMS, and in general, teams have a goal: to WIN! But we're not competing against other families so what does this mean, to win as a family? Our family decided it means to LOVE GOD and LOVE ONE ANOTHER, no matter what, and to make sure each family member feels that love based on how we interact with each other. Now, this plan for victory requires a LOT of PRACTICE -- like, DAILY -- just like sports teams practice daily! So, this indicates that we need to spend TIME with our family on a DAILY basis -- not just living in the same house watching the same TV, but actually interacting! Conversing! Playing! Eating Meals together… Supporting one another in various endeavors! ... and praying and laughing and crying and hugging and high-fiving and working and hobby-ing together... We also determined that some areas of behavior are like games of varying importance. Yeah, yeah, we want to win them all, but even the best coaches choose to let a team play less-than-their best sometimes so they can use their energy more wisely in higher-stakes games. Can we stand to "lose" a little in low-stakes games like scrimmages? Yes... but when it comes to things like loyalty, selflessness, and forgiveness -- these are like the Play-offs! The World Series! The Super Bowl! -- so we need to be playing with all our energy, effort, and fortitude. Yeah, fortitude -- isn’t that an awesome word? I often encourage my kids to upgrade their attitudes, and from now on, I'm going to suggest they try Fortitude!!!) Mama, what are the high stakes games in your family? What are the areas that you can minimize efforts in order to have the energy to win at the high stakes games? Share with us if practicing winning from this perspective elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: Rojan Maharjan on Unsplash.com Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip, empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
Have you thought of your family as a team? It’s a fun way to look at how our family interacts. Just as sports teams have different positions to be played, we can define those roles for our family team. If I got to pick the team Captain, it would be Jesus Christ! He sets the example. He calls the shots. He takes the heat for us when we fail, and he encourages us to get up and try again. Our family team Cheerleader is ME, as the Mom! Okay, that might be a little gender-typing going on ... but for real, I LOVE cheering my kids on! What about the Waterboy? Could that be... Dad?! Ha, just kidding... although, in our family, he does a good job of making sure we have the Living Water in our lives. Who’s the Referee or Umpire? Hmmmm... in our family, that’s definitely our oldest child... He has already discovered the right way to do everything, so he makes sure everyone else lives up to that! Other position titles are sport specific, like quarterback, pitcher, goalie, scrum half (that's a rugby term!), attacker (lacrosse!), or chaser (quidditch). I'm sure each of us can think of ways our individual children fit into these various roles... and interestingly, we can mix sports metaphors on our family teams, because of the way WINNING is defined differently! Mama, take some time today to think about each of your children’s contributions to the family team. Offer them positive feedback about how they’re playing the game of life! High fives and fist pumps go a long way in cheering on our family teammates, and they play the game better when they know we’re their number one fans. Share if this cheerleading practice elevates your mothering! |
