 Photo Credit: National Cancer Institute on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you chop up veggies for a salad! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience. Ya know, I wouldn't mind feeding my kids if they would just stay full. But no matter how much love I put into a meal, how much effort or energy or planning... they're hungry again in just a few hours. Over the couple of decades that I've been studying motherhood, I've determined that if I can make homemade meals less complicated, the more committed I’ll be to the work involved, and our whole family can bask in the many benefits: health, financial, and familial. I now have happy meal planning sessions because I just focus on including three elements in each meal: a protein (plant-based more often than not), a grain (ideally a whole one), and a fruit or veggie (bonus points for fresh produce!). I have removed some pressure from myself by teaching these elements to my kids, and having them do a mental checklist as they feed themselves breakfast or pack their school lunches. We have a list posted on the inside of a cabinet door so they can choose from things that are generally part of each week’s grocery trip. Oh, how I'd love to have a week's worth of dinners neatly typed up every Sunday night, but that's a battle I have only won periodically. Instead, I aim to know by 10am what we'll have for dinner that night -- and that has been a more victorious way for me to meal-plan! One way I thin-out the myriad possibilities is by assigning a theme to each night and finding a recipe that fits the genre. International night! Pasta night! Chicken night! Beans & rice night! Potatoes night! Seafood night! Leftovers night! I don't *really* want my kiddos to stop eating. I know it might keep my kitchen cleaner, but I've observed that kids with full tummies behave better, not to mention the obvious gains in physical growth. So, these simplified systems help me stay committed to healthful home-based meals and endure with confidence my family’s continual need for nourishment. Mom, what are some ways you can simplify this task that takes place at least 21 times each week? Increase how often you eat meals at home by brainstorming ways to meet the challenges inherent in this duty. Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!
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 Photo Credit: Brytny on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you rock your newborn to sleep! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
NEWSFLASH: Babies cry. They cry for all sorts of reasons. My job is to try to figure out why they're crying, and then do what I can to resolve the problem or at least offer a little comfort. They might still cry, even when I'm doin' my darndest to make it stop. Sometimes, I notice that I'm singing to them not because it calms them, but because it calms me! (It only just now occurred to me that possibly my singing makes them cry worse). Amidst the various and sundry cry-fests daily, I don’t see a need to purposely add more crying nightly! Our American culture is so steeped in the cry-it-out method for bedtime that precious little info is out there for moms who want to do it differently. I recommend a book called "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. The author recognizes that some of us just don't want sleep-time to be cry-time. She has experience both co-sleeping (which I enjoy), and crib-sleeping. The trick she teaches is the importance of a routine, good options to include in a sleep routine, and how to successfully establish a routine so that bedtime is better all around. So, baby and I follow a solid routine both for naps and nighttime. I have it posted in our bedroom to help myself remember the steps *in order* -- because babies are so tuned in to structure. Repetitively doing the routine wires baby’s brain so that each element serves as a sleep-signal. As we go through each step, baby winds down and gets sleepier and sleepier eventually drifting peacefully off... to... sleeeee... honk,shoooo… Moms, institute a bedtime routine with your little ones -- it’s never too late! -- then share if this practice elevates your mothering! Here's our routine in detail, plus a few extra notes from the book! Change diaper (smile calmly and tell her it's sleep time) close door & turn off light turn on white-noise wrap in blankie; offer lovey-doll (keep smiling calmly so she has positive feelings about sleep) dance together while singing until she's very drowsy shhhh in her ear while I put her down keep shushing as I leave the room If she wakes up and fusses for more than ten seconds or so, go back in and do the routine again (starting at the blankie/lovey part). Chart how it goes over the course of ten days, and you'll see a difference as both you and baby get accustomed to the routine. Keep up the ten-day increments to keep seeing progress. Keep in mind that baby's body has to adjust to lots of changes as she grows, such as teething, learning new skills from grasping with hands to walking, and these can disrupt sleep patterns. The routine will rescue you and create a calm, bonding bedtime ritual each time.
Dry Bones Song - The foot bone connected to the ankle bone - songs for kids by Alina Celeste
Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you pick up your kids' backpacks off the floor! (Just kidding -- you'll get the joke as you listen, though)
Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
As moms, we often notice family dynamics that aren’t necessarily positive. As moms, we often feel like we need to take charge and change up those dynamics -- and if we can do so in a positive, non-threatening manner and tone, it’s easier to be patient as the dynamic generally requires time to be adjusted. One situation we have had to work on in our family is when the kids come home from school... They're so happy and relieved to be home, and of course, they need their hands free so they can hug me! So they drop their coat and backpack on the floor right in front of the door. Then they go about getting a snack … and the coat and backpack are left to be booby-traps, ready to trip the poor unassuming person who happens to come home next. I decided that my kids’ brains need to be connected to their hands, so that when their hands are ready to let go of any given object, their brains send out a red alert, "Wait! Don't let go until the item is where it belongs!!!" Now, I tend to think that my children’s brains, although not fully-formed, really do know where things belong. It's just that their brains aren't aware of what's happening down at the end of the arms. So that's when we put our hands on our heads and say in the spirit of that old folk song, "Brain bones connected to the hand bones!" To hear Alina Celeste's version of this silly song -- since she's a professional singer and likely more fun to listen to -- pop onto our Momivate.org website and it'll be under Two-Minute Mom Tips in the Blog section! Moms, try being silly with your kids to help them learn a new habit, then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  The author and her voluminous eyebrows. Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you pluck your eyebrows. Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience. I once attended the funeral of a mother of many children even though I didn’t know her personally, but because I knew a few of her children and wanted to show my support to them. I listened intently as her daughter praised her mother's disciplinary methods, which must have been effective considering how those of her adult children that I knew were kind, loving, solid people. The most memorable quip that I still remember several years later was: "She Raised Us with her Eyebrow" I happen to have plentiful eyebrows. I have to pluck them so they don't grow into one big eyebrow. I’ll include a photo of myself if you promise not to covet my natural beauty.
In spite of my God-given eyebrows, I do not feel like they give me any sort of edge when it comes to raising my children... in fact, I have to watch myself and make sure these eyebrows of mine are not constantly scowling. Aha! Maybe that's a clue! Maybe making sure *my* eyebrows are raised -- raised in delight, or in a welcome-home smile, or gratitude… or perhaps just silly quizzical goofiness! The more I think about it, the more I realize how important the raising of my eyebrows can be in contrast to raising my voice. Raising an eyebrow to show concern, like "Do you really want to continue making that mistake?" Raising an eyebrow of warning, "Try to think ahead about where your current actions may lead..." I’ve decided that even though I never met that mother, I want to be like her. It seems that being at her funeral ultimately allowed me to be uplifted -- or shall we say raised?! -- by her eyebrows, too! Mom, what signals are your facial expressions sending to your children? Try raising your eyebrows or the corners of your mouth more often! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: Patrice Audet on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you dance up a storm! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience. Remember that catchy tune "Eye of the Tiger" from the Rocky III movie? I confess, I haven't actually seen Rocky III… but I have been developing the Eye of the Mommy… let me explain! For many years, I was unable to see messes. I was so absorbed in the present task (making more of a mess) that I didn't pay much attention to existing messes. This kind of blindness is a blessing to some extent because the messy environments of mothering eight kids don’t phase me. But being comfortable in my own mess doesn’t make my family and friends feel comfortable, so in that sense it has been more of a curse… So I have been trying to improve my “mess-vision” and now I have “The Eye of the Mommy!” Hoping to give my children a head-start in life and not have to be embarrassed into cleanliness, I have been figuring out how to instill in my offspring the desire --and ability-- to be tidy. I’ve taught my kids that after they've completed a job, they need to have it inspected. That's the order it is supposed to go in: finish first, then get inspected. Sometimes, though, they ask for an inspection and when I go to do it, it’s clear the job has NOT been completed very thoroughly. So, now when they report that they’re ready for inspection, I respond: "Did you use the Eye of the Mommy?" They'll often go back and work again for a few minutes... and that's okay! They're learning how to *see* messes on their own! I personally know that improving that eyesight is a gradual process... Sometimes, it seems there’s an eyepatch on my own “Eye of the Mommy” and our home is not as tidy as it could be. And that's okay. Really! An important purpose can be served in allowing the kids to suffer from the opposite of cleanliness! They'll be more able to appreciate when our home is clean -- and more interested in doing the cleaning! Moms, try encouraging your children to use the Eye of the Mommy next time and see if they can upgrade their chore performance on their own! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: Rodion Kutsaev on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you scrub grime off the countertop. Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
Stealthy Eating... if you were a kid, wouldn't this sound intriguing?! Well, that's my goal... intrigue my kids into better behavior. I've tried nagging. Doesn't work. So any guesses on what Stealthy Eating might be?! This concept was inspired by The Mary Poppins Mentality -- "Snap! The Job's a Game!" -- as well as the fact that some of my kiddos are old enough to help themselves in the kitchen. When their tummies have the teensiest bit of space open up, they ask themselves, "Why wait for Mom? I can reach the graham crackers and milk by myself!" Fellow mothers, have you ever cleaned up graham cracker crumbs soaked in milk that got spilled on the counter and then dried? If anyone wants to develop an adhesive to compete against Elmer’s Glue, start here! And so, I approached my children with this message: Children, (with the Mission Impossible theme song playing in the background), your mission, and you need to accept it so Mom won't self-destruct, is to CLEAN UP AFTER YOUR SNACK! If you can reach the graham crackers and milk, you can also reach the sink and the washcloth! Stealthy Eating is: “Eating so that Mom can't tell you were ever in the kitchen!” Yes, you CAN do it! Just like the Stealth Bombers that fly in the sky unnoticed! Moms, try teaching your children Stealthy Eating skills… then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: Viktor Nikolaienko on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you fill up the dog's food and water. Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
I took a child psychology class in college. My professor was strongly opinionated, biased towards his own published research which claimed that the only effective form of discipline is a system of rewards and punishments, that our children are basically like Pavlov’s dogs. Well, now that I'm a mom, I hereby declare this professor's viewpoints as over-simplified and incomplete. Instead, I feel that the concepts of Positive Discipline are much more thorough in covering a broader scope of our children’s emotions. That's not to say I never use rewards or punishments. I use them a lot -- specifically the rewards! And that’s where the two theories coincide, which is a good clue as to the validity of that concept. Over the years of integrating “rewards” into real-life motherhood, I’ve come to realize that high-fives are about all the reward a child really ever needs. Oh, and otter-pops for going pee all by themselves. Tee hee! Really, though, rather than invest in cavity-causing candy, or in a supply of little toys that later become stifling clutter, I just offer that awesome kid with the good behavior a high-five. And he's happy, and I'm happy! And I'm not ashamed to mention another compelling fact: slippin' skin is free. Palm patting is universally accepted as very valuable -- even though it costs nothing. And because it’s free, I can give it freely. As Positive Discipline teaches us: the more, the better. Other similar rewards include a cheer! a hug! a thumbs-up! a pat on the back! the "A-OK" sign! capturing the moment on the camera! offering to call Daddy or Grandma to report the success! The KIND of positive interaction isn’t nearly as important as how OFTEN it’s offered. The genuine joy my child sees on my face as we celebrate their victory is infectious -- one of the few infections we want to spread. Moms, try increasing these simple rewards in the lives of your children, then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you wipe fingerprints off the TV. Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
I get it! I get it, fellow mamas -- I TOTALLY understand why TV is placed on a pedestal in our society. For one thing,
Well, the nonprofit Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood has researched why it’s crucial to curb our children’s screen use. They sponsor Screen Free Week, providing tons of resources to help us succeed in this practically impossible endeavor. Additionally, they help us as parents teach tech-responsibility to our children because the reality is that being screen-free is a luxury not many of us can afford, oddly enough. So we need to be putting the necessary effort into teaching screen self-control starting as soon as the baby pretends her banana is a phone. It absolutely definitely one hundred percent totally completely and drastically affects the atmosphere in our home when our “master-and-slave” relationship with screens has “we, the people” as the masters, not the slaves. Mom, try going screen free for a day or two each week, then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: Jarek Ceborski on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you clean out the junk drawer. Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
I have limited energy, Mamas, so I have to choose wisely what to spend it on. I choose to NOT waste energy on complaining about chores, 'cuz they gotta get done so we might as well use our energy to work rather than whine. Chores aren't a punishment! They aren't slave labor devised to build character, as my children believe! They are simply what needs to be done as a result of something else being done first. And so I present to you… The Parable of the Open Drawers In our family, we like to eat. It's a silly little thing, I know, but something about growling tummies, and boom, we're in the brand-spankin'-clean kitchen lookin' for somethin' to put down the ol' cake-hole. I don't know if this happens in your house, but alluvasudden, the kitchen ain't so clean anymore. So the conversation goes something like this: MOM: Hey, kiddos, now that we’ve eaten, let's clean up! KIDDOS (in unison): But Mah-ahm, we didn't do anything wrong. We just had a snack. Don't punish us! Seeing the need for a demonstration, I open all the drawers in the kitchen, leaving them out. Then I try to dance through the kitchen, dramatically banging into the open drawers... MOM: Children, chores are like closing a drawer. You close it because you opened it, and because a closed drawer clears the way for more fun. In an area with open drawers, ya can't have as much fun. Taking the time to close drawers ...or do chores... gives you space to be free. I see the lights go on in my oldest child's eyes. Whew! Once I have him helping me, together we can convince the others of the cleverness of this perspective! Moms, try Dancing among Open Drawers this week, illustrating the necessity and blessing of chores to your kiddos! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: Tim Wildsmith on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you scrub the toilet! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
There’s a phrase that I like to hear as often as possible from my children... "Okay, Mommy." I love to hear it because it means my child has agreed to whatever torture or punishment I have inflicted upon them… brushing teeth for instance or having to read a book before getting screen time. These are things that I consistently request from my children, and I love it when they decide that it’s okay. But I also hear myself saying "Okay" often.... which may be where my kids have picked up on it. I'm glad I've set a good example in that sense. However, I'm not sure I always use the word “Okay” in the right context… for example: "We're going to get your pajammies on now, okay?" "Let's go brush your teeth, okay?" "You need to read a book BEFORE watching a movie, okay?" What does my "Okay" in these circumstances get across to my children? Is there really a choice in the matter? What if they’re inclined to say, "No, Mom, that's NOT Okay," would I rescind the request? Change my plans to fit my child’s lack of willingness to obey? I've determined that I need to pay close attention to my use of the word "Okay" -- and stop tacking it on the end of the instructions I’m giving. If my "Okay" means "Do you understand?" then I need to replace it with, "Do you understand?" I've been working on dropping the Okay from my instruction sentences for awhile now, and it’s a tough habit to change. I just repeat to myself: "Stop saying Okay all the time, Okay?!" Mama, what verbal messages are you sending that you might not really want to be sending? Brainstorm some alternatives and start conscientiously enhancing your communication! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!  Photo Credit: Mick Haupt on Unsplash.com Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you dust the living room! Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
I’m starting out with a Confession: I haven’t always liked the holiday season -- my husband is adorable -- he has a childlike fascination with the festivities of winter and it is a sweet blessing to watch his whole-hearted devotion to all things Christmas. I have to keep working to overcome dregs of childhood memories when my mom was too stressed out by anything money related because she was single. Part of the problem, I confess, is that we end up with too much stuff -- and I really don't like clutter... Especially paying money to get more clutter! It's my own fault! I want to make our children's dreams come true! So I buy them the plastic toys and anxiously await the momentary glitter in their eyes when they tear open the wrapping paper! Then they give Santa all the credit... I'm not bitter, though! Ahem, So, my point is that over the years I have learned to give memories rather than stuff! For example, one year, I gave my daughters the gift of attending a mother/daughter retreat at a mansion at Bear Lake! It was slightly more expensive than what we normally budget for Christmas gifts, but they've never outgrown the fun we had, I've never had to pick it up off the floor or give it to goodwill or throw it away because it got broken! Oh, and Santa didn't get the credit for it!! Moms, as the Christmas season approaches, brainstorm: What memories can you give as gifts? How about going to a concert together? Getting season tickets to your favorite sports team? Signing up for a class together, maybe kickboxing at the gym or a second language at the local community college... A camping trip or a cruise? The key word is “together” and that’s how memories are made. Please share if this practice elevates your mothering! |
