Sample Schedules and Systems -- with a disclaimer!
Dear Mom! Every family is different, so please feel empowered to just use these samples as starting points instead of direct instructions. Read through them critically thinking about how they do or do not apply to the needs of your family! Then structure your own schedules and systems following the guidelines on this webpage.
Great Eight morning routine
GREAT EIGHT: This is a morning routine that encourages our children to get going in the morning with positive, forward motion. GOAL: get all 8 done by 8am. Mom, take the role of encourager, not enforcer. If it doesn’t always get done, that’s okay because it provides an “oppositional” situation, which can be instrumental in the self-led learning process because they discover the consequences for engaging (or not). We subscribe to the philosophy of teaching correct principles then letting them govern themselves. Besides, with your own morning routine, it’s simply not feasible to chase after each child making sure they really do each item! The Great Eight do not need to be done in the order listed. This way, the child can focus on completing the next possible item rather than feel like they're waiting around to do the next thing because of some obstacle (like someone else was in the shower or the family hasn't gathered yet for devotional).
These culminate to contribute to physical, spiritual, and mental health! They are good habits for them to establish in their youth. Encourage and set parameters (but not necessarily punishments, if that makes sense). Like NO technology until they've done their Great Eight! In general, the kids are good sports about doing it and, over time, come to recognize the purpose and profit of each of the Great Eight habits.
- Tidy bed and bedroom
- Bathroom business (pottying brush teeth or use mouthwash, and freshening up, older kids get showers)
- Fresh Clothes
- Neat Hair
- GPS (gospel personal study) -- for older kids, we encourage actual scriptures, but for younger kids we provide a variety of scriptural early-reader type books with pictures or a children's church magazine)
- Family Devotional
- Act of Service (usually helping a fellow sibling with part of their Great 8)
- Breakfast (prep & clean up included!)
These culminate to contribute to physical, spiritual, and mental health! They are good habits for them to establish in their youth. Encourage and set parameters (but not necessarily punishments, if that makes sense). Like NO technology until they've done their Great Eight! In general, the kids are good sports about doing it and, over time, come to recognize the purpose and profit of each of the Great Eight habits.
Nightly nine - bedtime routine
Same concept as the Great Eight morning routine, only engineered for bedtime success! Plus the name points to the time frame: finish by 9pm. One family may start off by gathering for family prayer at 7:45 and then sending the kids off to complete their Nightly Nine at their own pace, not in numerical order, and according to their own conscience. Choose carefully what you consider to be a non-negotiable... We have some kids who prioritize teeth brushing to the point that they can’t hardly name any of the other Nightly Nine, but we don’t bother them too much about it -- just give friendly reminders and encouragement and allow gradual progress rather than demand immediate and complete compliance.
Getting these habits established during childhood sets up a beautiful family dynamic during the teenage years. Teens will likely stay up later than 9 several nights a week, for various purposes, and that’s okay. They’re still good sports about the general concepts and carry out the Nightly Nine because it feels right after years of doing it as a younger child. As they continue with a solid bedtime routine as adults, it will contribute to happy healthfulness on a variety of levels, including mental health.
- Family Prayer (turn in technological devices)
- Bathroom business
- Teeth brushing
- Pajama Time!
- Journal (Gratitude, Successes, Learning Moments)
- Get initials in Priorities Books (this is another system -- see below)
- Plan & Prepare for tomorrow
- Clean Up Clothing
- Personal Prayers
Getting these habits established during childhood sets up a beautiful family dynamic during the teenage years. Teens will likely stay up later than 9 several nights a week, for various purposes, and that’s okay. They’re still good sports about the general concepts and carry out the Nightly Nine because it feels right after years of doing it as a younger child. As they continue with a solid bedtime routine as adults, it will contribute to happy healthfulness on a variety of levels, including mental health.
meals!
Using mealtime as mileposts over the course of the day helps the day go more smoothly. Feeding our children could be considered a major duty within the mothering realm, but even then, avoid micro-managing it because stressful or pressuring environments can contribute to picky eating. A worthy goal in many areas of motherhood is to teach our children simply yet thoroughly enough that they can sustain life without mom! It's like we're working ourselves out of a job!
Focus on teaching them the three parts of a meal:
If you don’t have something from each category, then it’s just a snack, not a meal. When serving dinner, take thirty seconds to mention what ingredients of the meal fit into which categories. Make a solid effort to have “Family Dinner Hour” four to five times a week. Gather, eat and converse together, then work on cleaning up immediately (and yes, there’s a system for that part too).
There are some great “systems” out there with regards to meal-planning, so do your research and use what fits your personality. Some personalities enjoy changing up the systems every once in a while, and that's totally fine! Here's one mom's comment: "I have a meal for each date of the month, so we’re eating the same thing on March 4th that we ate on January 4th and February 4th. After a few months of trying out this system, I worried a bit about the need for more variety, so I created four different sets of 31 meals, one for the three months of winter, another for the three months of spring, etc. etc."
Focus on teaching them the three parts of a meal:
- Protein (meat & dairy products, beans, nuts)
- Grain (bread, crackers, rice, etc -- whole is ideal)
- Fruit/Vegetable (fresh is best! Variety is essential!)
If you don’t have something from each category, then it’s just a snack, not a meal. When serving dinner, take thirty seconds to mention what ingredients of the meal fit into which categories. Make a solid effort to have “Family Dinner Hour” four to five times a week. Gather, eat and converse together, then work on cleaning up immediately (and yes, there’s a system for that part too).
There are some great “systems” out there with regards to meal-planning, so do your research and use what fits your personality. Some personalities enjoy changing up the systems every once in a while, and that's totally fine! Here's one mom's comment: "I have a meal for each date of the month, so we’re eating the same thing on March 4th that we ate on January 4th and February 4th. After a few months of trying out this system, I worried a bit about the need for more variety, so I created four different sets of 31 meals, one for the three months of winter, another for the three months of spring, etc. etc."
Chores -- AKA "Bless Our Home"
Oh, mommas, this is an area of life that we simply MUST become comfortable with and help our children choose to view it with a degree of satisfaction as well. After all, it’s a day-in, day-out commitment to cleanliness (or at least semi-orderliness) for the rest of our lives! Now, some of you may have been blessed with the neat-nik gene, and are delighted to put in the effort required to keep a home tidy… high fives to you! For those of us for whom chores are tucked way low on the priority list, here’s a pat on the back for choosing to make sure the kitchen floor isn’t nasty.
Make a conscious effort to maintain a bit more order, and you'll notice how it influences the atmosphere of your home in general. Do NOT do all the work yourself -- your children NEED work-ethic-building opportunities! The word chores might be a trigger word, so consider re-naming the clean-up activity -- the FlyLady calls it “blessing our home!" This title reminds us of the purpose of the cleanliness -- to make our home a more comfortable place to be. Like any euphemism, there are times when the “chore” feeling may still come across, but in general, the word-trick helps to build a better attitude.
Each Mom will need to create her own Bless Our Home systems -- there are so many personal details like number of children, their ages, how many rooms to clean, etc.. Just remember, "no system works unless I do!" On our Affiliates page, you can purchase a Chore System by Ashley Buffa, a mother of nine, who helps you determine your own structured program. Momivate earns a small commission even though your price is the same!
Here are some general principles: have each child in charge of maintaining one area of the home, doing the day-to-day upkeep. Then, have one day of the week when a more thorough cleaning is done (Saturday mornings work well for many families). In the kitchen, make "clean-up" part of the routine for each meal. Call it “stealthy eating” and challenge the kiddos to try to make it look as though no one ever ate there!
HIRED vs. REQUIRED: Offer “hired” chores that they can be eligible to earn money for IF their “required” chores are up to date. Since they can mark that they’ve “blessed our home” in their priorities book (see below), to a small degree they are getting paid even for the required chores, but it is minimal.
Make a conscious effort to maintain a bit more order, and you'll notice how it influences the atmosphere of your home in general. Do NOT do all the work yourself -- your children NEED work-ethic-building opportunities! The word chores might be a trigger word, so consider re-naming the clean-up activity -- the FlyLady calls it “blessing our home!" This title reminds us of the purpose of the cleanliness -- to make our home a more comfortable place to be. Like any euphemism, there are times when the “chore” feeling may still come across, but in general, the word-trick helps to build a better attitude.
Each Mom will need to create her own Bless Our Home systems -- there are so many personal details like number of children, their ages, how many rooms to clean, etc.. Just remember, "no system works unless I do!" On our Affiliates page, you can purchase a Chore System by Ashley Buffa, a mother of nine, who helps you determine your own structured program. Momivate earns a small commission even though your price is the same!
Here are some general principles: have each child in charge of maintaining one area of the home, doing the day-to-day upkeep. Then, have one day of the week when a more thorough cleaning is done (Saturday mornings work well for many families). In the kitchen, make "clean-up" part of the routine for each meal. Call it “stealthy eating” and challenge the kiddos to try to make it look as though no one ever ate there!
HIRED vs. REQUIRED: Offer “hired” chores that they can be eligible to earn money for IF their “required” chores are up to date. Since they can mark that they’ve “blessed our home” in their priorities book (see below), to a small degree they are getting paid even for the required chores, but it is minimal.
Family Economy: Priorities books, Clap Interviews, and Bank of Dad
This is a system that can include various elements that are unique to your individual families. Our priorities books have thirteen checkmarks that can be earned each day and we incentivize that if they receive all thirteen checks, they can double their money! We only pay a penny per year of age per checkmark, but it adds up…. Some of our children are more diligent than others. The key to this system is to just let the consequences play out, no shame for not doing it (but also no money!), and not even over-the-top praise when they do it. The thirteen checkmarks are for:
When the child wants to turn his checkmarks into cash, we hold a C.L.A.P. interview where we applaud his efforts and discuss the four areas indicated by the acronym and then count up the checkmarks and give him his pay! Here are the four areas:
C - Chores
L - Learning
A - Attitude
P - Plan & Prepare
So, you might notice that we still call it CHORES for the sake of the acronym! I can’t say BLAP interview -- it just doesn’t carry with it the same feeling as CLAP, where I’m proud of my child’s efforts and encouraging them to take a bow and get recognized and rewarded for setting their priorities straight.
A key point about the interview is that the child leaves feeling uplifted, not like they were grilled or interrogated! Ask questions like: “What’s your favorite chore?” or “What are some ways I can help you with your homework?” or “I notice you have a bit of a temper -- like me -- so I’m going to teach you some anger management skills that I’ve been practicing!” or “What kinds of activities do you have coming up that we need to put on the calendar?” Someday, I might write a whole set of questions for parents who like the idea of CLAP interviews!
One last “system” involved here is our Family Bank (which we call Bank of Dad). This is how we give our children their pay and then, through years of repetitious accounting, they learn some financial skills… So, once we’ve counted up their checkmarks, do the math, we “pay” them by opening up the “Notes” app on my phone where I just keep track of their money. Then when we’re at a store together and they want to spend money, I just subtract it from their Bank of Dad. So we’re not dealing with a bunch of cash; the money can’t get lost or stolen; I keep track of their tithing and savings… It works out pretty well. Yes, it requires a little extra effort, but it is totally worth it. And yes, the olders have outgrown this method and simply have their own debit cards that come out of their own bank accounts where their own paychecks have been deposited.
- Great 8 by 8
- Nightly Nine by 9
- Reading (at least as many minutes as you want screen time)
- Exercise
- Outdoor play (can be combined with exercise)
- Gardening/Yard work (March through September and as requested for things like raking, shoveling snow, etc.)
- Create something!
- Music Practice
- Service (showing love by doing work)
- Bless Our Home
- Techno-toy free day (using technology as a tool is OK but still limited and must be requested/approved)
- Motivational Quote (there are several lines available for them to write one in)
- Journaling
When the child wants to turn his checkmarks into cash, we hold a C.L.A.P. interview where we applaud his efforts and discuss the four areas indicated by the acronym and then count up the checkmarks and give him his pay! Here are the four areas:
C - Chores
L - Learning
A - Attitude
P - Plan & Prepare
So, you might notice that we still call it CHORES for the sake of the acronym! I can’t say BLAP interview -- it just doesn’t carry with it the same feeling as CLAP, where I’m proud of my child’s efforts and encouraging them to take a bow and get recognized and rewarded for setting their priorities straight.
A key point about the interview is that the child leaves feeling uplifted, not like they were grilled or interrogated! Ask questions like: “What’s your favorite chore?” or “What are some ways I can help you with your homework?” or “I notice you have a bit of a temper -- like me -- so I’m going to teach you some anger management skills that I’ve been practicing!” or “What kinds of activities do you have coming up that we need to put on the calendar?” Someday, I might write a whole set of questions for parents who like the idea of CLAP interviews!
One last “system” involved here is our Family Bank (which we call Bank of Dad). This is how we give our children their pay and then, through years of repetitious accounting, they learn some financial skills… So, once we’ve counted up their checkmarks, do the math, we “pay” them by opening up the “Notes” app on my phone where I just keep track of their money. Then when we’re at a store together and they want to spend money, I just subtract it from their Bank of Dad. So we’re not dealing with a bunch of cash; the money can’t get lost or stolen; I keep track of their tithing and savings… It works out pretty well. Yes, it requires a little extra effort, but it is totally worth it. And yes, the olders have outgrown this method and simply have their own debit cards that come out of their own bank accounts where their own paychecks have been deposited.
Screen Time
This is a system that seems to be constantly in flux. There must be some kind of cocaine coming out of screens and sucking at my children’s brains! I feel like it is the bane of my mothering and that my children might like me better if I had been their mother 100 years ago before screens existed! I’ve had to work harder on my attitude about screens than working on the actual systems. My attitude tends to be a bigger wedge in our relationship than the screen itself. I’m just so convinced that screens (as toys) are stealing our children’s well-being on various levels! We’re sitting in front of screens, so we’re not getting as much exercise. We’re sitting in front of screens so we’re not reading as many books (which are much better for our brains). Screens are replacing normal conversation, much to our detriment as a society! My disdain for screens is something I’ve had to work through so that I can face the challenge with grace. My hope is that we can be happy to have screen-free time and view screen-free time as a joyful choice, not a punishment. Particularly not a seemingly arbitrary “Mom’s in a bad mood so we can’t get our screen-fix” type of punishment!
Priorities books (as described above) were developed in response to this need to balance time with and without screens. I want my kids to recognize that screens have their place as tools, and that there is so much more to life than just consuming other people’s ideas through screens. I think for a long time I was fighting screens from a place of fear -- I was scared that it was too big of a demon and that I wouldn’t have a chance… Rather than fear that my children would be consumed by the demon, I worried they’d be converted to be on his team because he was more fun than grumpy grouchy anti-screen mom!
Dear fellow moms, I want you to know that I get it! I can see how alluring TV is -- especially 24 hour non-stop educational TV! When our kids are seated happily in front of Sesame Street, they aren’t making messes! They aren’t fighting with each other so we don’t have to referee! They are quiet and occupied so we can focus on something else without them interrupting us! And it’s EDUCATIONAL, like the cherry on top!
However, I’ve been paying attention over the last 30+ years (since my mom cut the cord off our family TV) and can’t help but notice that there are downsides to each of these upsides: if they aren’t making messes, they also aren’t learning to clean up. If they aren’t fighting, they also aren’t learning conflict resolution. If they aren’t interrupting me from whatever other activity I’m doing, they also aren’t discovering that they are my priority and I’ll address their needs (if I can). It also means they are oblivious to what adults do! If the screens are off, they are more likely to notice what adults spend our time doing, and therefore be more prepared for what's in their own futures as adults.
At this point in the evolution of TV-watching and endless other screens, enough studies have been done… Science is clearly indicating that there *is* such a thing as excessive screen time and that we as parents are really the only ones who can effectively reign it in. I don’t want to think of it as a battleground so I am shifting my paradigm to think of this duty as untilled ground that will require lots of work in order to get good things growing. I recognize that good things do come from a self-disciplined relationship with technology! So I’m helping my children build their self-discipline muscles by having frank discussions and encouraging the use of priorities books. I’m making sure I introduce them to other aspects of life that can counteract the addictive nature of screens. I’m setting the example of having hobbies that aren’t screen-related. I’m also improving my attitude because if it’s the wrong attitude, it can undermine a lot of the positive strides we are making as we navigate what could be a landmine of arguments, but we hope is a goldmine of self-discipline growth opportunities instead.
Visit: https://betterscreentime.com/ for more information!
Priorities books (as described above) were developed in response to this need to balance time with and without screens. I want my kids to recognize that screens have their place as tools, and that there is so much more to life than just consuming other people’s ideas through screens. I think for a long time I was fighting screens from a place of fear -- I was scared that it was too big of a demon and that I wouldn’t have a chance… Rather than fear that my children would be consumed by the demon, I worried they’d be converted to be on his team because he was more fun than grumpy grouchy anti-screen mom!
Dear fellow moms, I want you to know that I get it! I can see how alluring TV is -- especially 24 hour non-stop educational TV! When our kids are seated happily in front of Sesame Street, they aren’t making messes! They aren’t fighting with each other so we don’t have to referee! They are quiet and occupied so we can focus on something else without them interrupting us! And it’s EDUCATIONAL, like the cherry on top!
However, I’ve been paying attention over the last 30+ years (since my mom cut the cord off our family TV) and can’t help but notice that there are downsides to each of these upsides: if they aren’t making messes, they also aren’t learning to clean up. If they aren’t fighting, they also aren’t learning conflict resolution. If they aren’t interrupting me from whatever other activity I’m doing, they also aren’t discovering that they are my priority and I’ll address their needs (if I can). It also means they are oblivious to what adults do! If the screens are off, they are more likely to notice what adults spend our time doing, and therefore be more prepared for what's in their own futures as adults.
At this point in the evolution of TV-watching and endless other screens, enough studies have been done… Science is clearly indicating that there *is* such a thing as excessive screen time and that we as parents are really the only ones who can effectively reign it in. I don’t want to think of it as a battleground so I am shifting my paradigm to think of this duty as untilled ground that will require lots of work in order to get good things growing. I recognize that good things do come from a self-disciplined relationship with technology! So I’m helping my children build their self-discipline muscles by having frank discussions and encouraging the use of priorities books. I’m making sure I introduce them to other aspects of life that can counteract the addictive nature of screens. I’m setting the example of having hobbies that aren’t screen-related. I’m also improving my attitude because if it’s the wrong attitude, it can undermine a lot of the positive strides we are making as we navigate what could be a landmine of arguments, but we hope is a goldmine of self-discipline growth opportunities instead.
Visit: https://betterscreentime.com/ for more information!
family Traditions!
Traditions are like the lovely ribbons and wrapping around the package of family life. They serve a purpose beyond decor -- they help to hold it all together. Traditions are often centered on holidays -- what are some "norms" that your children have come to expect with regards to birthdays? The 4th of July? Christmas? Thanksgiving? Halloween? Other times of year or just other repetitious events are also available to have traditions associated with them, like the start of a new school year, or when a child turns a certain age (think Bar-Mitzvah or Quinceanara or Drivers Licenses)... You might even have daily or weekly traditions like a prayer just before they run out the door for school, or family work hour on Saturday mornings. Traditions lend to a child's identity and contribute to family bonding and belonging, very necessary feelings to establish a strong sense of self-worth. Traditions help a child feel oriented and give them positive perceptions about how they interact with the world as it goes round. Traditions are sometimes passed down for generations, helping children respect their ancestors.
