 By Natascha Jaffa Sibling relationships are so underrated! Most--if not all--research in psychology, family science, and social work has been focused on the relationships between parents and their children over the years, but it's excluding one very important aspect of a child's life: the relationships with their sibling(s). 💜 Siblings often confide in one another instead of their parents 💜 Siblings have the longest running relationships in our lives 💜 Evidence shows these relationships are key to promoting academic achievement. positive social behavior, and empathy (Sidhu, 2019). So how can you encourage your own relationships with your siblings and that of your children's? I'm so glad you asked! 1. Be on the lookout for sibling bullying and address it right away. This may include setting a boundary with your own sibling or disciplining one of your kids for something they said to the other. 2. Never compare siblings to one another. Comparison only builds animosity between siblings and promotes low self-worth. Mentally catch yourself before uttering the words, "Why can't you be more like your brother/sister?" Was this common in your household growing up? Perhaps you and your siblings need to have a conversation and expose those wounds to one another to start the healing. 3. Create opportunities for siblings to work together. Have them make dinner together or build a fort. Have big living room sleepovers or family game nights. Make being siblings fun rather than an inconvenience or a call for attention. Happy memories outlast the annoying ones! Haven't seen your sibling in a while? Get some one-on-one time in this month. ARE YOU UP FOR A CHALLENGE?! Print out this pack of 4 printables provided by Anne Willa, and your whole family can upgrade their kindness skills as a fun game!
0 Comments
By Phyllis Moyes  Recently, a Christian friend of mine sent me a TikTok. As I watched it, the truth of its message encircled my heart. It began by asking a simple question: "Do you know how most whales die?" Hmmm, I thought, sharks? Fishermen? Disease? Nope. Nope. Nope. They drown. The TikTokker @russelldafourth is a Christian minister, and he said, "they spend their entire life living in and swimming in a world that eventually kills them...Whales live in a world they are not of; they are in the water, but not of the water. So while other fish can swim around for their entire life, with gills breathing in the water, the whale has to come up out of the water to live. There is a life source that is not in the world that he lives in that he needs access to." You see, whales are mammals; just like us, they need air to survive. I am a Christian, and I believe this message applies to all of us. Regardless of religious preference (or lack of one), we need a higher power (God, Yahweh, Jesus, Brahman, The Universe, Allah, etc.), and we must prioritize our spiritual health and mindfulness. For me, it is reading scripture, praying, and meditation. For a friend of mine, it is meditation and yoga. How you choose this connection to God/Higher Power is up to you, and your way may look different from my examples. It doesn't matter; the critical thing is that you do it. Keep reading, and I will tell you why. I remembered another fact I had read about whales many years ago. It came from a book titled, The Book Of Nurturing: Nine Natural Laws For Enriching Your Family Life, written by Linda and Richard Eyre. In the book, they give parables for raising children; number three is the Law of the Whales. This law pertains to how whales speak within their families, creating phenomenal teamwork. The Eyre’s wrote, "The gentlest, most tender, and touching humpback song seems to be the one a mother sings to guide and encourage their baby calves. Humpback babies are born far below the surface, and the first challenge of the new mother is to lift and nudge her new child (with her nose) to the surface, where it can draw its first breath of air. Those who have witnessed this nurturing act say they will never forget the mother's song that goes with it, a song of love and confidence." Isn't that a beautiful illustration of love and nurturing? I can envision myself feeling a little panicky shortly after giving birth, doing all I can to ensure my babe makes it to the top of the water so they don't drown in the world they are not of. I am singing my best song, you know, the one that is full of confidence, assurance, and love. And then we both crest the water - my baby breathes, and I breathe. But here is the rub: Sometimes, I feel my proverbial lungs will burst because it has been too long since my last spiritual/mindful breath; can you relate? It is not because I don't know where to find it, how to do it, or because it isn't lifesaving. Instead, I have over-committed myself with cares of the wrong world, worrying, stress, wasting time, judging and feeling judged. These characteristics are fish traits, not whales. The bad news is numerous “fishes” are vying for my and my child's attention, but they only supply water, which will never save but instead dooms these lungs to death. We need AIR to live -- Quoting @russelldafourth, "YOU are IN this WORLD, but YOU are NOT OF this WORLD." Mothers, we are irreplaceable examples to our children. Teach your babies what source they can depend on for the Breath of Life; they are watching you. By Annette T. Durfee, Momivate's Atmosphere CouncilMom  Photo by Jordan Whitt on Unsplash They all do it. You know - that thing that drives you up a wall! No matter the age of your child and in spite of your best efforts, they inherently know exactly what button to push to get us to react. And it seems that the more we push for them to stop it, the more they pull back until the tug of war has escalated and within seconds, the sense of peace and beauty that we so desire in our homes is ruined. So what do we do? How can we conquer this frustrating behavior that frays at our nerves, fuels our frustration, and tests the limits of our patience? Here are a few ideas that I have found helpful. 1. Take a break. Take a few steps back. Retreat into my room for a few minutes – ALONE. Breathe! Regroup. Punch a pillow if it helps! Timeout for Mommy is not only healthy, but a sanity saver! As you remove your presence from the child they also get a chance to recover and try again. And while I take a break, I do what my knees were made for – I PRAY! When mothering moments go awry, I need help from a higher power. For me, this is God. I have found that He is always there – never too busy for me, never burdened by yet another plea for help. I pour out my heart with my worry, frustration, anger, and then, I LISTEN. Sometimes I get an idea – I can see how I could have prevented the situation or how I could react in a better way next time or something simple I could do to help my child. It may not be the entire solution to the problem, but it is enough to get me headed back in the right direction. And as I implement that God-given idea, I regain confidence and my child and I regain a positive momentum. Other times after prayer, I am left with a simple yet reassuring sense of peace: I can handle this. I’ve got what it takes. I am a good mother. And other times, the answers aren't immediate but come along the way as God, my Father in Heaven goes behind-the-scenes with me and adds to my efforts. 2. Become curious. Ask, “Why?” Why is my child behaving this way? What could he or she be feeling right now? What things are going on in this stage of their life that could cause this? Is there a little sibling rivalry going on? Is there a new baby that is diverting my attention? Perhaps something going on at school? I wonder: what is hard for them? How do they feel about themselves right now? Is there something I could do or say that would help to redirect their attention to something positive? When we become curious, we open up the door to the possible feelings of our children and we become more compassionate, empathetic, more loving. We can even help them to feel supported by helping them voice their own feelings. “Are you feeling sad, frustrated, lonely? How can I help?” 3. Model the behavior you want to see. As hard as it may be to believe, it just may be that your child has not thought of a better way of doing things, even despite perpetual broken-record pleas from you. They may be in need of a consistent example to follow. Let’s say that your child has developed a habit of running through the house screaming. Although it may make you feel like pulling your hair out and yelling back, muster the mentality to smile and speak with a calm and quiet voice instead. “Let’s use our inside voices.” The important people in our children’s lives are like great big mirrors. What our children see in us, we will also eventually see in them. So, let’s be the best mirrors we can be accompanied with a smile, a hug, and a kiss. 4. Shaping. Whatever we give our children attention for they will repeat. We already know that our children do the things that drive us bonkers often to get attention. So why not turn it around and use this to our advantage? Rather than handing out negative attention, we could choose to focus on those things that we want to continue and offer praise when we see them. For example, when I wish that the children would not fight and argue, I notice and thank the child at a time when they are being a peacemaker. “I love it when . . .” You fill in the blanks. My mom did this for me once in a simple way that stuck with me. One day she gave me a Mr. Goodbar candy bar with the explanation, “because you’re so good.” I didn’t know about shaping then, but every time I remembered that tasty treat, along with her other caring words and deeds, I felt like I was good and I tried to prove her correct! 5. Realize that we are not meant to control others.
I think I all too often learned this lesson the hard way, scraping the heels of my feet as I skidded along the road of hard-won control. As I struggled to learn a better way, I reflected often on a quintessential quote that I pinned on my Value Board: “Never let a problem to be solved, become more important than a person to be loved.” -- Thomas S. Monson Such a beautiful reminder! This thought helped me to remember that the little people in my life were not bad, they were learning, just like I was learning how to mother with love. Our children will inevitably do things that we do not approve of and this is not, I repeat NOT an indicator that we have failed as parents. And while that means that at times we need to discipline, we can leave out the empty threats, arguing, bribery, fighting. Yes, our mission is not to control, but to teach, to influence, set an example, and - the best part of all - love them like crazy! By Cindy Thomsen, Momivate's Leader over Schedules & Systems and blogger at ResilientMotherhood.net Summer break is here and it seems when kids are bored they spend their free time on a screen? There are so many fun electronic resources as well as so many distractions! What do your kids like? Youtube, streaming movies, playing games all day! How do we stop that from happening and help our kids get the most out of their Summer? I started researching ways to help my kids put down their electronics and find more productive ways to spend their time. There are so many great ideas out there. Here were a few that stood out to me. Hopefully these can help you too to have a fun-filled Summer together with fun activities and a more focused and planned screen time. ... to read the rest of Cindy's post, visit her blog at: resilientmotherhood.net/tips-to-reduce-screen-time-this-summer/  Photo Credit: Tom Wheatley on Unsplash.com
My twin daughters are in a kickboxing class at the local community college and this video was assigned to them as homework. It struck me as so simple that it is well worth the couple of minutes to review information we likely are already aware of but need continual reminders about. Moms, this is what we do -- we are the reminders, the repeaters, the consistent, kind, and friendly reviewers and encouragers!
From the YouTube Description: Wellness means overall well-being. It includes the emotional, environmental, financial, intellectual, occupational, physical, social, and spiritual aspects of a person’s life. Incorporating aspects of the Eight Dimensions of Wellness, such as choosing healthy foods, forming strong relationships, and exercising often, into everyday habits can help people live longer and improve quality of life. The Eight Dimensions of Wellness may also help people better manage their condition and experience recovery. This short animated video explores the Eight Dimensions of Wellness and helps people understand the practical strategies and ways they can begin developing healthy habits that can have a positive impact on their physical and mental health. To learn more about SAMHSA’s Wellness Initiative, click here. Too often we are scared. Scared of what we might not be able to do. Scared of what people might think if we tried. We let our FEARS stand in the way of our HOPES. We say "no" when we want to say "yes." We sit quietly when we want to scream. And we shout with the others, when we should keep our mouths shut. WHY? after all, we do only go around once. SO STOP. Try something you've never tried. RISK IT. Enter a triathlon. Write a letter to the editor. Demand a raise. Call winners at the toughest court. Throw away your television. Bicycle across the United States. Try bobsledding. Try anything. Speak out against the designated hitter. Travel to a country where you don't speak the language. Patent something. Call him. You have nothing to lose. And everything EVERYTHING EVERYTHING to gain. JUST DO IT.  Photo Credit: Kenny Krosky on Unsplash.com  Photo from Pixabay.com In each passing mortal hour All around me there is need, There are hearts that yearn and tears that fall And hungry souls to feed. I must seek the Spirit's wisdom, Learn compassion's gentle art, For I cannot give with empty hands Nor love with barren heart. If I would bear my brother's burden, If I would share my sister's grief, Extend the hand of sweet compassion, Offer the weary ones relief, If I would ease the thirst of strangers, And serve His children heart and hand, I must drink of Heaven's wells o'erflowing, I must learn to fill the well within. I will serve my Savior gladly, Seek his little lambs who stray; But if I would lead them safely home, I must know the way. I must seek for understanding That I may teach His children well, If I seek to fill the soul athirst, I must first be filled. That I may bear my brother's burden, That I may share my sister's grief, Extend the hand of sweet compassion, Offer the weary ones relief, That I may ease the thirst of strangers, And serve His children heart and hand, I must drink of Heaven's wells o'erflowing, I must learn to fill the well within. By Sally DeFord  Photo Credit: Sonika Agarwal on Unsplash.com I have enjoyed the privilege of being a mother to over a dozen foreign exchange students over the years! My Hindu son from India openly and enthusiastically shared his religion with our family. Some of the stories are quite meaningful -- I've included one below. After reading it, consider how this perspective might influence how we treat ourselves? Our husbands? Our children? It gives depth to our relationships when we believe in the dignity and potential of each individual. At one time, all men on earth were gods. But they so sinned and abused the divine powers that Brahma, the god of all gods, decided that the godhead should be taken away from man and hidden some place where man would never find it to abuse it again. "We will bury it deep into earth," said the other gods. "No," said Brahma, "because man will dig down in the earth and find it." "Then we will sink it into the deepest ocean," they said. "No," said Brahma, "because man will learn to dive and find it there, too." "We will hide it on the highest mountain," they said. "No," said Brahma, "because man will some day climb every mountain of the earth and again capture the godhead." "Then where can we hide it where man cannot find it?" said the lesser gods. "I will tell you, said Brahma. "Hide it down in man himself. He will never think to look for it there." Being empathic -- able to feel the emotions of others -- can be a gift, showing compassion and wanting to ease sadness. It might also be stressful, since the other person is the one in charge of whether their complex emotions get resolved in healthy ways or not. Being able to "LET GO" is a skill that empaths must learn and practice! But what does it mean? In high school, I took a class called Peer Facilitation, and it taught us how to keep ourselves emotionally level while reaching out to those who were off kilter. Here is one of the handouts from that class, which I've kept almost 30 years! It describes both what "LET GO" is AND what it is NOT. May it help you in your journey as a mother, definitely a position of empathy! Also, a position with the temptation to try to control another person. Gaining this perspective, this ability to LET GO will make motherhood a much more enjoyable journey -- full of love instead of fear.  Photo Credit: Brett Jordan on Unsplash.com To "let go" does not mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else. To "let go" is not to cut myself off, it's the realization that I can't control another. To "let go" is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences. To "let go" is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands. To "let go" is not to try to change or blame another, it's to make the most of myself. To "let go" is not to care for, but to care about. To "let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive. To "let go" is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being. To "let go" is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcome, but to allow others to effect their own destinies. To "let go" is not to be protective, it's to permit another to face reality. To "let go" is not to deny, but to accept. To "let go" is not to nag, scold, or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them. To "let go" is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes, and cherish myself in it. To "let go" is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future. To "let go" is to fear less and love more. Author unknown  Photo Credit: Alex Bodini on Unsplash.com
Blessings on the hand of women! Angels guard its strength and grace. In the palace, cottage, hovel, Oh, no matter where the place; Would that never storms assailed it, Rainbows ever gently curled, For the hand that rocks the cradle Is the hand that rules the world. Infancy's the tender fountain, Power may with beauty flow, Mothers first to guide the streamlets, From them souls unresting grow -- Grow on for the good or evil, Sunshine streamed or evil hurled, For the hand that rocks the cradle Is the hand that rules the world. Woman, how divine your mission, Here upon our natal sod; Keep – oh, keep the young heart open Always to the breath of God! All true trophies of the ages Are from mother-love impearled, For the hand that rocks the cradle Is the hand that rules the world. Blessings on the hand of women! Fathers, sons, and daughters cry, And the sacred song is mingled With the worship in the sky -- Mingles where no tempest darkens, Rainbows evermore are hurled; For the hand that rocks the cradle Is the hand that rules the world.  Photo Credit: Aaron Burden on Unsplash.com Many years ago, this little essay was included in the newsletter at the School for the Deaf in Washington State. The author was listed as Carol Turkington. I'm not sure how it came to be included in my pile of papers, but whenever I would thin them out, this one would get saved. May her message help you as you adjust to whatever Holland-type situation your baby has brought you too.
When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like you're planning a vacation to Italy. You're all excited. You get a whole bunch of guidebooks, you learn a few phrases so you can get around, and then it comes time to pack your bags and head for the airport. Only when you land, the stewardess says, ‘Welcome to Holland.” You look at one another in disbelief and shock, saying “Holland? What are you talking about? I signed up for Italy!” But they explain there’s been a change of plans and that you've landed in Holland and there you must stay. “But I don’t know anything about Holland!” you say. "I don’t want to stay!” But stay you do. You go out and buy some new guidebooks, you learn some new phrases and you meet people you never knew existed. The important thing is that you are not in a slum full of pestilence and famine. You're simply in a different place that you had planned. It’s slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy, but after you've been there a little while and you have a chance to catch your breath, you begin to discover that Holland has windmills. Holland has tulips. Holland has Rembrandts. But everyone else you know is busy coming and going from Italy. They're all bragging about what a great time they had there and for the rest of your life, you’ll say, “Yes, that’s what I had planned.” The pain of that will never, ever go away. You have to accept that pain, because the loss of that dream, the loss of that plan, is a very, very significant loss. But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to go to Italy, you will never be free to enjoy the very special, very lovely things about Holland.  Photo Credit: Parham Moieni on Unsplash.com The Weaver
My life is but a weaving Between my God and me. I cannot choose the colors He weaveth steadily. Oft’ times He weaveth sorrow; And I in foolish pride Forget He sees the upper And I the underside. Not ’til the loom is silent And the shuttles cease to fly Will God unroll the canvas And reveal the reason why. The dark threads are as needful In the weaver’s skillful hand As the threads of gold and silver In the pattern He has planned. He knows, He loves, He cares; Nothing this truth can dim. He gives the very best to those Who leave the choice to Him. By Grant Colfax Tullar By Elisabeth Balderree, former Director of Music, Inspiration, and Laughter  My son and I have a unique way we communicate with each other. I call it a pass-along book, and it’s a little bit of magic in our relationship. I don’t remember how the idea of the little pass-along book began, but it’s something that connects my son and me together in a simple, yet meaningful way. He will write a question for me in it, or tell me something funny or important to him, then he’ll leave it on my nightstand. When I find it, I’ll write my reply, and then leave it on his desk. Sometimes I’ll ask if he wants to play a game, color or draw, or I’ll ask a specific question about his day or what’s on his mind. Other times, I’ll give him a sincere compliment. He writes similar things to me. Maybe we will write in this one little notebook, or perhaps it will turn into years of passing notebooks back and forth. In some ways, it’s like a small journal for just the two of us, capturing moments in time. Although it may seem rather ordinary, it is very meaningful. Creating this unique, yet simple avenue for communication is important to me, because he knows he can come to me with questions, thoughts, concerns or anything else on his mind. I know this little book has strengthened our relationship, and, to me, that makes this little two dollar notebook priceless.
Photos by Elisabeth Balderree
By Ericka Moore, Momivate's Director of Energy (Eating, Exercise, and Sleep)  It’s not a coincidence that this blog is addressing the importance of breast milk during the month of March. March 8th is International Women’s Day and March 3 is IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant) Day. Both days commemorate women’s achievements—and why not spend a moment discussing breast milk? It is a wonderful accomplishment for a mother to be able to provide this gift for her baby. Granted, it is easier for some mothers than others. There is also a social, political, economic undercurrent to the very act of providing breast milk—which is a discussion for another day. I just want to go back to basics and focus on the awesomeness of breast milk.
Why is breast milk important? I know there is a ton of information on breastfeeding from a variety of sources. Which positions are best? What pump to use? Should I use a pump? How do you know baby is getting enough milk? It can be overwhelming at times to figure out who or what to listen to. Why is there an emphasis on feeding your child breast milk? What’s so great about it? When I nursed my first child, I didn’t have this information. I didn’t participate in a breastfeeding class because I thought I could wing it and ask for help when needed. Knowing what I know now, I highly suggest taking a breastfeeding class and speaking to an experienced Mom who has nursed her own child. Simply put, breast milk is made specifically for humans. It’s your baby’s first food. It contains the perfect blend of carbs, fat, protein, vitamins, and antibodies. Breast milk is easily digestible and is specifically made for the needs of your baby; it is a living item. In other words, breastmilk operates like an attendant at your local drive-through restaurant. When a baby latches to a breast, messages from his/her saliva are transmitted to the mother and the mother’s body adjusts the components of the breast milk for that session. In fact, the composition of breast milk varies throughout the day, depending on the needs of the baby. If a baby needs more carbs during the morning and more fat during the afternoon, no problem! Mom is able to produce the right combination for her child. This process is also used when making antibodies to combat illnesses. A baby can communicate his/her needs for specific antibodies through saliva. Mom also participates in this process. When a mother encounters various pathogens in her environment, she immediately begins producing antibodies and other immune factors to protect the baby from illness. This is the reason babies who are breastfed are less likely to have ear infections, diarrhea, respiratory infections and other illnesses. Another plus to providing breast milk for your child is early exposure to Mom’s diet. When breastfeeding, mother’s milk carries traces of food flavor which introduces and trains her child to appreciate variety. So, in essence, you are already training your child to appreciate fruits and veggies. That sounds fantastic to me. Breast milk is a glorious gift. Mothers—and those who support them in giving this gift—should be thanked. Not just on their days of celebration, but every day! Resources: https://www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding/index.htm https://www.infantrisk.com/content/taste-preference-influenced-during-breastfeeding This post was authored by the SlumberYard Team and donated as content for our blog to help mothers of children with autism!  Photo by Klim Sergeev on Unsplash.com Coronavirus has had an enormous impact on all Americans’ sleep habits, but COVID-19 has been especially hard on children with autism who already deal with sleep-related issues. It’s an especially critical issue because a new 2020 CDC report analyzing 2016 school data shows that autism is on the rise. The biennial update reports that one in 54 children is diagnosed with autism by age eight, up almost 10% from 2014. “The world of autism has changed considerably since we were founded in 2005 when the estimated prevalence was 1 in 166,” says Autism Speaks President and Chief Executive Officer Angela Geiger. Living with autism has its challenges, but life is made considerably more challenging when one isn’t armed with the sleep the body needs to function properly. “Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) are at an increased risk for sleep disturbances, and studies indicate that between 50% and 80% of children with ASD experience sleep problems,” says Dr. Rashmi Byakodi, a health and wellness writer and editor of Best for Nutrition. “It is also reported that sleep disturbances may increase behavioral problems in these kids.” Children with autism have trouble with concentration, making it challenging to hold a conversation, make extended eye contact or keep still. They are easily distracted and prone to repetitive movements, making it hard to concentrate and focus. Children with autism are also prone to compulsive behaviors and may have delayed development when it comes to language or learning skills. Autism can also have a significant impact on sleep patterns. How Autism Affects Your Child’s SleepAs a developmental disorder, autism attacks both a child’s behavior and the ability to communicate. Researchers aren’t sure exactly what causes autism, but several theories relate to environmental and genetic factors. Regardless, as a spectrum disorder, the effects of autism can be different from person to person. New studies also show that sleep problems begin in infancy for children with autism, creating harmful sleep habits that carry on through later years. By preschool, nearly 80% of children with autism have sleep-related issues. Researchers identified higher growth within the brain’s hippocampus from six to 24 months of age, affecting its memory capabilities. This can have a significant impact on a child’s ability to sleep. When the sun goes down and the house grows still, a child’s brain can sometimes be too hyperactive for sleep, making for a long and stressful night for both parent and child alike. “Sleep issues in Autism are extremely common,” says Suman Chatterji, Founder and Editor of Good Health Corner. He is a special needs father and self-professed biohacker, mental health champion and researcher. “Being a father of a special need’s child, I live this on a daily basis. Autism is a very complex puzzle, and we all need to understand that there are some significant underlying biochemical imbalances associated with this diagnosis. Had there been no such imbalance, you would have had no Autism.” Children can experience several different issues when it comes to their sleep.
The consequences can range from moderate to severe. The effects of poor sleep on autism include:
A licensed social worker, Sharon O’Connor specializes in neurodiversity and anxiety at Choosing Therapy. She explains: “When Autistic kiddos aren’t able to get the sleep they need, we might see more difficulty with self-regulation or sensory issues that seem more pronounced, because these elements become so much more difficult to manage when we’re sleep-deprived. We might also see a temporary loss of some skills – speaking or communicating might become more difficult, and a task previously done independently, like tying shoes, might now require support.” For a child with autism, that inability can be enormously frustrating, but it’s more common than you might think. How Common Are Sleep Disorders In Children With AutismAutism Speaks reports that as many as 80% of children with autism experience sleep problems or sleep disorders. As many as four in five children suffer from one or multiple chronic sleep problems. Studies suggest that a change in brain structure is what affects sleep problems associated with childhood autism. While the average person spends about 23% of rest in the rapid eye movement (REM) stage, autistic children only spend about 15% in REM sleep in comparison. It means that sleep is far less restorative for an autistic child than it is for other children. Many medications contain stimulants, which can keep children awake at night. Medications for ADHD are one typical example of insomnia-inducing sleep conditions. Sleep issues in autistic children can have other repercussions, such as:
“From experience, the gut plays a significant role in sleep issues,” says Chatterji of Good Health Corner. “Most of the kids on the autism spectrum have an amount of gut dysbiosis, which results in various behavioral issues, including sleep. Conditions like SIBO, Leaky Gut or general inflammation of the gut can lead to pain, acid reflux, yeast overgrowth or growth of opportunistic and pathogenic organisms, which can cause havoc in a small body.” That’s complicated enough, but about 95% of children with autism also have another co-occurring condition. Autism-Related Behaviors Condition ------ Prevalence Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) ------ 53% Anxiety ------ 51% Depression ------ 25% Even more concerning, at least 60% of children with autism live with two other related conditions, such as seizures, intellectual disabilities and gastrointestinal problems. Sleep issues are also widespread, but unlike the other conditions, they are easily treatable. First, though, that requires a diagnosis, and that’s not always so easy to receive. Issues with DiagnosisThe CDC reports that screenings for autism are also increasing, with developmental screenings rising from 74% to 84% by the age of three. However, there’s an enormous disparity in the diagnosis between boys and girls, with boys four times as likely to be diagnosed with autism than girls. While one in 34 boys is identified with autism, only one in 144 girls was found to be affected. There are other problems with the diagnosis of autism. Although autism can be detected as early as two years of age, most children are not diagnosed until after the age of four. There is also a lack of diagnosis amongst minority children, leaving them grossly underrepresented. The earlier autism is detected, the sooner that medical professionals, parents and caregivers can begin to introduce sleep-forming habits that will reinforce better rest from a younger age. How To Cope With Sleep Disorders In Children With ASDCOVID-19 has had a phenomenal impact on children with autism, disrupting already sensitive sleep schedules and further heightening the anxiety they feel daily. “Anxiety is a common element of the autistic experience to begin with,” explains O’Connor. “Throw in a global pandemic and tons of upheaval and unpredictability, and it can increase that anxiety exponentially. Anxiety can adversely affect our ability to fall asleep, as well as our quality of sleep.” She continues, “Times of major stress or change can lead to autistic burnout, when an autistic person may find themselves exhausted, with a temporary loss of certain skills. During these times, rest is so hugely important for recovery.” Every child is unique and reacts to stress differently, so parents and caregivers should be patient and open to creativity in their sleep strategies. Despite your child’s autism, there are still ways for your child to sleep longer and more soundly each night. Optimize Your Child’s Sleep SettingThese are some tips that you can use in your home to help your child sleep better. Check-in Children may not always know how or why to express their trouble sleeping, so parents should take the initiative to regularly check-in and talk to their children about how they are sleeping. Avoid upsetting material In the hours before bed, make sure that your child avoids watching any TV, videos or games that may be disturbing. Consider medical treatment Sometimes, underlying issues are affecting a child’s medical or psychiatric well-being. Your child may be able to benefit from additional help through therapy or medication. This is especially recommended when a child experiences sleep apnea, sleepwalking, sleep terrors or restless legs syndrome. For children who are already being treated by medication, they could benefit from either an increase or change in medication or even behavioral therapy. Adjust the thermostat Science shows that cooler air is optimal for sleep, so watch the temperature in your child’s bedroom. Sleep experts recommend temperatures between 65° and 67° F in the bedroom. If your child tends to sleep without blankets or runs hot during sleep, adjust the temperature accordingly. Restrict bedroom activities It’s easy for games and toys to accumulate in your child’s bedroom, but that can be counter-effective when it comes to bedtime. Instead, keep all activities out of the bedroom, so it’s an area solely reserved for sleep. Your child’s brain will learn to associate the bedroom with sleep, automatically winding down instead of revving up for TV or games. If there are electronics or toys in the bedroom, keep them stored in a closed container so your child won’t be tempted to use them at the wrong time. Avoid screen time after 5 pm, so blue lights and LEDs do not keep your child up at night. Chatterji, from Good Health Corner, explains that “stopping exposure to blue light or any iPad and television before bedtime helps in the production of melatonin.” Use the S.L.E.P. method This stands for Sleep, Learning, Eating and Play. Organize your room in such a way that there are designated areas for each time of the day. A desk in the learning corner and toys in another can help the brain reinforce the different parts of each day. Consider a redesign Children with autism live in a constant state of arousal, which can also have severe physical impacts on the body. To help eliminate this added stress and anxiety, reconsider their bedroom hygiene. Get rid of any overstimulating elements within the room and remove any blinking lights, humming machines or tangles of wires that can all prove visually distracting at bedtime. Instead, use colors, textures and furnishings that both calm and soothe. Skip the reds, oranges, yellows, and whites, and instead opt for colors that evoke relaxation, such as blues, greens, purples, browns and black. Invest in a new mattress that makes the bed a more comfortable place. {NOTE: This content was provided by a company that reviews and sells mattresses. They may earn a commission if you purchase through their website, but Momivate does not.} Plants and essential oils can also help set the stage for sleep. Chatterji adds that “essential oils like lavender helps with sleep. The compound linalool in lavender works as a mild sedative. Using Magnesium oil rubs and melatonin supplement 30 mins before bedtime helps as well.” Daily Habits That Encourage SleepThere are also some daily habits that you can use to encourage a better sleep quality each night. Exercise Exercise is one of the best natural ways to prepare the body for rest each night. Autism Speaks shares that children who exercise during the day tend to fall asleep faster and benefit from a more profound slumber. Keep in mind that exercising too close to bedtime could have the opposite effect, so try to schedule the physical activity for mornings or early afternoons. Encourage independence As much as children love to cuddle up to their parents, it’s also important that kids with autism learn the skill of independence. Your child needs to learn how to fall asleep alone, and creating a soothing bedroom atmosphere can make your child feel safe enough to fall – and stay – asleep. Watch the naps Naps can interfere with your child’s sleep at night. Though helpful for young preschool-aged children, naps should be kept at earlier times in the day and away from bedtime so your child won’t stay up all night. Avoid caffeine Caffeine is a popular stimulant that can keep your children awake all night. In addition to sodas and coffee, caffeine is also found in tea and chocolate. Caffeine can stay in the body anywhere from three to 12 hours after consumption. Bedtime Routine A bedtime routine is especially helpful for children with autism who have trouble sleeping at night. It helps to provide predictability and consistency in a world that feels largely out of their control. Inconsistent sleep routines can also be a deterrent to healthy sleep. When a child does not have regular bedtimes and wake-up times, it can be hard for the body to know when to rest. For children with autism, bedtimes and wake-up times should be kept to the same times as possible to train the body to relax. Be sure to maintain this same wake-up and sleep times, even on the weekends and vacations. “Having a fixed sleeping routine and time helps children. For example, having an Epsom salt foot bath, followed by lights off at 8 pm,” shares Chatterji. It is also helpful to maintain the same routine throughout the day, with regular mealtimes and nap times, if necessary. “I recommend doing a nighttime ritual before bed and sticking to a fixed sleeping schedule,” advises Stephen Light, a Certified Sleep Science Coach and co-owner of Nolah Mattress. “After the autistic child becomes accustomed to the routine, their body immediately knows to slowly transition to sleep mode when they do their nightly routine. In this scenario, sleeping time is easier since they associate a particular activity with bedtime.” Sleep ToolkitMuch of our SlumberYard guide takes a proactive approach to your child’s sleep, but there are both active and reactive tools that you can employ to help your child adopt healthier sleep habits that last a lifetime.
Our Sleep Kit is designed to instill a sense of security, control, and peace within your child so sleep comes much easier each night. Children with autism can develop the proper routines and tools to empower them in their daily life, benefitting both child and parent alike. Children living with ASD experience much higher stress levels than the average child, surrounded as they are by a world of constant stimulants. Having healthy ways to cope with this stress helps sleep and prepares children for a life with autism. Our SlumberYard team understands that changes in routine can be difficult for anyone, especially for a child with autism. In an effort to make this resource accessible to all children, we’ve provided printable templates families can begin using tonight to co-create their child’s very own personalized bedtime routine. Creating a bedtime routine is a fun activity that can involve the whole family while arming your child with a renewed sense of independence and control during this adjustment period toward healthier sleep. Simply print the routine templates, below, and allow your child to begin creating their own routine with the tiles provided, or use the blank tiles for more personalized routine elements. To download the free templates, and read the rest of this article, please go to: https://myslumberyard.com/blog/autism-and-sleep-empowering-children-with-asd-for-better-sleep/ Please note that this organization is not connected to Momivate other than providing this content to our blog. Momivate does not endorse their products nor do we receive compensation if you purchase products through their website. We're grateful for their contribution to our blog and hope you find that it empowers you to elevate your mothering experience!
Are you convinced that screens are hurting our children's brains?
I am. Not just in theory but based on personal experience! Maybe not the way you think -- my case is a counter-example. When I was 12 or so, my mom cut the cord off the TV because we weren't keeping the rules -- and so I enjoyed a very *rich* teen time frame despite being raised by a single mom, well within poverty level. I was *rich* in my zeal for living a real life! I wasn't weighed down by expectations put into my brain by watching TV shows or seeing commercials about everything I couldn't afford and being convinced that I needed those things. I had free time to find out what was important to me and then do it! I rarely felt "left out" when conversations about TV shows seemed irrelevant to my life. In contrast, my friends often felt left out when I described how I spent my time discovering and developing various hobbies, enjoying real-life social fun like impromptu pizza parties, long drives to interesting destinations, and long talks with my on-again-off-again boyfriend (our relationship was not defined by TV's examples). Yes, I still watched TV at friends' houses sometimes -- I wasn't against it altogether -- but those exposures solidified my philosophy that TV's pressurized influence would have greatly clouded my vision, and likely was blinding my peers from seeing their potential. Nowadays, it's no longer TV alone trying to program our children's behavior and thought processes. It comes through so many screens that cutting one cord wouldn't make much of a difference! How can we help our children navigate this territory that's also new territory to us as parents? Is it really possible and plausible to keep them away from such a pervasive influence -- or is keeping them away the goal anymore? Despite my past that I'm proud of, I'm parenting in extremely different circumstances, and I've determined that the goal is not to avoid screens altogether, but to build the ability to manage screen time effectively, and ultimately flourish with screens. Our family has a Family Technology Plan that is consistently being reviewed and sometimes revised as we encounter new situations that may not have been covered by previous drafts. As parents, we are straightforward with our children about how screen time (even educational screen time!) can be detrimental to our brains. Yes, we restrict the amount of time, redirecting repeatedly, and with the responsibility placed incrementally more on the child according to their age. Our goal is to help our children develop their own healthy habits, with a strong desire to be actively architecting their own lives rather than just watching someone else's scripted life through a screen. If you haven't gained a conviction yet of the necessity for parents to be pro-active in their children's journey to safe screen use, please watch this documentary! Yes, the struggle is real, and so worth every effort!
The following is copied and pasted from the YouTube page:
For the first time in history, mental illness and suicide have become one of the greatest threats to school-aged children. Many parents still view dangers as primarily physical and external, but they’re missing the real danger: kids spending more time online and less time engaging in real life, free play, and autonomy. What are the effects on the next generation's mental, physical, and spiritual health? Childhood was more or less unchanged for millennia, but this is CHILDHOOD 2.0. For more resources and to download a community discussion guide and share with your community, please visit: https://bit.ly/32voKpY. NOTE: Bark is proud to sponsor the free release of this film because we believe every family should have access to such a crucial, powerful resource. Run Time: 88 Minutes A Film by: Jamin Winans, Robert Muratore, and Kiowa Winans Music by: Jamin Winans
Text about the embedded YouTube video was written by Regan Barnes, ChairMom of the MotherBoard at Momivate
Do you ever wonder if all the effort you are putting into motherhood really matters? One of the goals of Momivate is to convince you that your endeavors to raise your children are instrumental in lifting society. The Ted Talk embedded below, "Why Most Parenting Advice is Wrong," seems to be antithetical to our foundational venture to activate moms. Please take 17 minutes to listen to this professor of neuroscience—and fellow mother—and then let’s discuss how she’s actually in agreement with Momivate at our core.
I confess that my skin crawled when this professor revealed the final conclusion of the metastudy! I’ve never considered it to be my goal that my children turn out to be just like each other—not even my identical twins! The scientists are using mismatched logic to conclude that loving parents want to simply program children like computers, dismissing the children’s innate talents, aspirations, strengths and weaknesses.
Part of what makes motherhood so worthy and needful of our best efforts is the challenge inherent in patiently working with the individual aspects of each of our offspring. Because we love them, we’re committed to determining, through a continual, loving process of trial and error, how each child responds to various parenting “techniques” and adjusting accordingly. By using the illustration of a butterfly controlling a hurricane, the professor convinced me to keep listening. Butterflies are so meaningful to Momivate that they're featured in our logo. The metamorphosis from a creepy-crawly insect to a beautiful creature of flight is symbolic of the changes Momivate wants to bring to the role of motherhood, as well as the potential our children have to transform and grow wings of their own. Despite my initial distaste for the scientific study, I’m glad I continued to listen to this professor and notice that she never comes to the conclusion that the butterfly should NOT flap its wings . . . Knowing that my "hurricane child" would not even exist without me is a compelling concept in the face of the overwhelming odds described. The fact that my flaps cannot determine the final outcome of the hurricane doesn't stop me from sending winds of love with each beat of my wings. If my children were to sense that I chose not to guide them because too many other cultural or environmental forces seemed to overpower our (mine + my child’s) efforts, that's when my wondrous hurricane-child’s indomitable spirit would lose its own sense of ability to change the world. We butterflies must flap—first, to create the hurricane, and then continually so the hurricane will expand in its own whirlwind of potential. Yes, moms, there are many forces influencing our children, and we must do what we can to increase or decrease the effects of those forces as we deem necessary. We can do that best when we acknowledge that ultimately, control outside of ourselves remains impossible. Outcomes, though somewhat predictable due to patterns discovered over centuries of research and observation, simply cannot be guaranteed when it comes to parenting. This professor's final point about dragon parenting is incredibly potent: to love as fiercely as the winds of the hurricane, being present in each shared moment, acknowledging that time together is all we really have, so let's make that time enjoyable for the sake of both mother and child, not because of trying to control outcomes. For instance, when I read a parenting book that helps me improve my listening skills with my children, I must do it for the sake of truly hearing my children, motivated only by my love for them, NOT because said book promises that the improved listening will push the right buttons and, ta-da, the end result is a robot who obeys my every command! If I work towards goals—including becoming the kind of parent my younger self always wanted—it must be a personal struggle to fulfill my potential rather than a scheme designed to calm the destructive storm that I regard my child to be. My children’s exposure to my exertion empowers them to set goals that, in essence, funnel their hurricane power and focus it towards self-actualization. Even though there will always be myriad forces impacting them, they’ll build their own strength and wield their own power to mitigate those forces, and ultimately gain control of their ability to transform the world. Mothers, hear out this professor's final points and let those be what sticks with you rather than worrying about or being turned off by the "science" that she refers to at the beginning. You matter because YOU ARE THE BUTTERFLY—and every movement of your wings contributes to that hurricane child of yours, even if it doesn't control them. From the YouTube Description: Parenting books promise to show people how to raise happy, successful children, and in the process to reveal why each of us turned out the way we did. But the science of child development tells a different story about how parents influence children—a story that may shock, unsettle, and ultimately reassure anyone who has ever been a parent or a child. Yuko is a Professor of Psychology and Neuroscience at the University of Colorado Boulder. Her work investigates child development and environmental influences on children’s thinking, using behavioral, neuroimaging, and computational approaches. She is an elected fellow of the Association for Psychological Science and the American Psychological Association. Her work on child development has been funded by the National Institutes of Health since 1998, and has been published in top scientific journals and featured in The Atlantic, The Today Show, and Parents Magazine. She co-edited two books on brain and cognitive development, and co-authored a computational cognitive neuroscience textbook. She has received awards for research, teaching, and mentoring. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx |
