By Phyllis Moyes
I recently saw a video that deeply touched my heart. Although it is a story about an incredibly in-tune school teacher, and his ability to see past a child's active temperament, I couldn't help but think about the power of the message as it applies to motherhood. Take a look:
Be a Mr. Jensen
Don't you love that? It is easy to focus on the weaknesses and imperfections in our children, casting labels and stereotypes on them. But our words are potent influences whether we like it or not.
That video reminded me of a book I read years ago called the Secret Life of Water, written by Masaru Emoto, an internationally recognized Japanese researcher, lecturer, and writer. In the book, Emoto experiments with frozen water droplets. Once they reach -25 degrees centigrade, he allows them to begin thawing, and while they are melting, he speaks to them. When the droplet temperature reaches 5 degrees below zero, he looks at the crystals under a microscope, magnified 200x's.
Look at these results. Remember, all of these ice crystals come from the same water source, are thawed identically, and are photographed congruently.
Like and Hate
Happiness and unhappiness
Thank you. You idiot. Thank you. You idiot.
Isn't it incredible that you can see the crystal trying to be both labels (thank you and you idiot) in that last picture? Did you know that water makes up about 70% of the human body, and our language makes us unique from any other species? Can you see how important our choice of words is when interacting with our children? I loved Mr. Jensen's interaction with Clint Pulver, "you're not a problem; I think you're a drummer." Clint Pulver is a successful motivational speaker, actor, and musician, all because someone saw beyond behavior to his heart and gifts.
As mothers, we can have irreplaceable positive influence on our children's lives; let's be Mr. Jensens'!
You can learn more about Clint Pulver here
Here is a link to The Secret Life of Water
Written by Esperanza DeLaLuz
As the oldest daughter in a large family, with a mother that was absolutely devoted to her calling as a mother, I was blessed to feel fairly comfortable when I began to have children of my own. I’d had many opportunities to practice nurturing skills at home with my younger siblings, and my mother often talked to me about her philosophy of mothering and her great joy in it. I wanted nothing so much as to be a mother myself.
As an adult, I continued my education in the social work field, and raised my own family. Eventually, I also became a foster parent. This awesome opportunity is not for the faint-hearted. It can be very demanding and very frustrating. It is your “job” to mother the foster child in a way they likely have never actually experienced, and yet do nothing to interfere with the ability of the child to bond with the natural parents should they become able to once again take up the role of full-time parent. It is a fine line to walk and too many foster parents resign themselves to the role of caretaker and do not try to assume the role of a parent, because it is just too difficult to truly mother a child that you may lose at any time. I do understand this, but for me it was never possible to do it that way.
It is easier to do if one recognizes that “mother” need not be an exclusive role in a child’s life. In fact, studies have shown that the more positive and loving adult influences in a child’s life, the higher the likelihood of their own happiness and success in life. Therefore, a foster mother is a “second” mother, not the primary mother, but can have an effect that may be far ranging later in life. One foster mother told me, “You have to consider that if they graduate from high school, and they are not in jail, or on drugs . . you won!" The foster mother may never actually know the positive influence, but once in a great while one hears of child who remembered something of what they experienced in your home and it helped them.
Awhile back, a former foster child called and told me that she had gotten caught up in drugs and that when she hit rock bottom and wanted a lifeline to change she went to a local church (not my particular church) to find a God-fearing family that would help her straighten out. She stuck to it with them, and their pastor, and ended up off drugs, happily married, with two children. That was when she called to tell me that it was because she had lived with us (for only six months) that she knew the kind of place to go to get help to straighten out her life. It felt really good.
The influence of a mother in the lives of her children is beyond calculation.
-- James E. Faust
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