By Phyllis Moyes ![]() Recently, a Christian friend of mine sent me a TikTok. As I watched it, the truth of its message encircled my heart. It began by asking a simple question: "Do you know how most whales die?" Hmmm, I thought, sharks? Fishermen? Disease? Nope. Nope. Nope. They drown. The TikTokker @russelldafourth is a Christian minister, and he said, "they spend their entire life living in and swimming in a world that eventually kills them...Whales live in a world they are not of; they are in the water, but not of the water. So while other fish can swim around for their entire life, with gills breathing in the water, the whale has to come up out of the water to live. There is a life source that is not in the world that he lives in that he needs access to." You see, whales are mammals; just like us, they need air to survive. I am a Christian, and I believe this message applies to all of us. Regardless of religious preference (or lack of one), we need a higher power (God, Yahweh, Jesus, Brahman, The Universe, Allah, etc.), and we must prioritize our spiritual health and mindfulness. For me, it is reading scripture, praying, and meditation. For a friend of mine, it is meditation and yoga. How you choose this connection to God/Higher Power is up to you, and your way may look different from my examples. It doesn't matter; the critical thing is that you do it. Keep reading, and I will tell you why. I remembered another fact I had read about whales many years ago. It came from a book titled, The Book Of Nurturing: Nine Natural Laws For Enriching Your Family Life, written by Linda and Richard Eyre. In the book, they give parables for raising children; number three is the Law of the Whales. This law pertains to how whales speak within their families, creating phenomenal teamwork. The Eyre’s wrote, "The gentlest, most tender, and touching humpback song seems to be the one a mother sings to guide and encourage their baby calves. Humpback babies are born far below the surface, and the first challenge of the new mother is to lift and nudge her new child (with her nose) to the surface, where it can draw its first breath of air. Those who have witnessed this nurturing act say they will never forget the mother's song that goes with it, a song of love and confidence." Isn't that a beautiful illustration of love and nurturing? I can envision myself feeling a little panicky shortly after giving birth, doing all I can to ensure my babe makes it to the top of the water so they don't drown in the world they are not of. I am singing my best song, you know, the one that is full of confidence, assurance, and love. And then we both crest the water - my baby breathes, and I breathe. But here is the rub: Sometimes, I feel my proverbial lungs will burst because it has been too long since my last spiritual/mindful breath; can you relate? It is not because I don't know where to find it, how to do it, or because it isn't lifesaving. Instead, I have over-committed myself with cares of the wrong world, worrying, stress, wasting time, judging and feeling judged. These characteristics are fish traits, not whales. The bad news is numerous “fishes” are vying for my and my child's attention, but they only supply water, which will never save but instead dooms these lungs to death. We need AIR to live -- Quoting @russelldafourth, "YOU are IN this WORLD, but YOU are NOT OF this WORLD." Mothers, we are irreplaceable examples to our children. Teach your babies what source they can depend on for the Breath of Life; they are watching you.
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by Esperanza DeLaLuz ![]() Organizing is what you do before you do something, ~~ A. A. Milne Let’s start with this premise: Organizing things does not make you a better mom. But it does make it easier to find the Band-Aids, and for me, being ADHD, I am able to be a better mom when I have inner peace; and my personal inner peace is disturbed by chaos. But I know lots of wonderful mothers, including my own, who love and care exquisitely well, in a state of frequent disorder. That said, I am a passionate organizer. People actually pay me to come organize their kitchen or garage. There are some basic principles to organizing that might be useful to most people to one extent or another, that I thought I might share: 1 Simplify – there are lots of wonderful systems to encourage us to simplify, but most of them boil down to only keeping things that you need, or use, or enjoy. Less stuff means less clutter and less maintenance. But there is also something to be said for having useful backup supplies like food storage, meds, or craft supplies, for preparedness purposes also. But remember, those things are only useful to you if you can find them when a crisis makes them necessary. 2 Contain things – using baskets, boxes, bags, bottles, tubs, cupboards, drawers, etc., This is probably the most important element of organizing. My grandmother used to say “A place for everything, and everything in its place.” My father used to line his top drawer with all kinds of tiny boxes with places for each thing he kept there: watch, coins, keys, etc. So I come by it naturally. But when things are where they belong, my environment is neater, I can find things I need, and I am aware of how much I have and if I have things I can do without. It is also helpful to use similar sized and shaped things. For example, having all your dishes or food storage containers the same size makes them stack more neatly. This doesn't have to be expensive -- I actually cut the tops off plastic bleach bottles and used them to stack all my round containers of that size inside them, which kept them from falling over. 3 Put like things together – it continually surprises me when I go to help someone clean or organize, how often I find similar things in several different places. Now, it makes sense to have things in different places when you use them in multiple places. I have scissors in every room, for example, and of course, toothpaste in most every bathroom. But keeping things together that are the same, or that are used together makes sense. And subdividing those grouped things, so that each kind of thing has its own place can be very useful. You will notice if it is missing, for one thing, or if you have more than you need. 4 Label your stuff – I am probably too focused on labels, because I am absent-minded, and my labeler is one of my favorite tools. But labeling things helps us remember where they belong. Labels can help you identify what goes where and if it is missing. Most of the time you can do this subtly; you can have specific colors of towels for each bathroom, for example, or other visual cues that identify where things belong without actual labels. But you can also do them in cute ways, with fancy labels that are part of the décor. My sister pointed out that using pretty baskets to organize my craft supplies was more appealing, more “Feng Shui” than using my labeled assortment of plastic boxes. She was right! So, over the years I picked up lots of fancy baskets at second hand stores. But then I found that they didn’t look good with labels on them. (But it gave me another fun crafting project to make a lot of cute little wooden plaques to attach to the fronts of the baskets.) When keeping multiples for utility purposes, labeling which set goes where is very useful. For example, I write on those scissors with a permanent marker which room they belong in, so they don’t end up all in one room when I have used them. 5 Store things where they are used – we keep the dishes in the kitchen naturally, but sometimes don’t apply that same idea to other places in our home. Closets, cupboards or drawers are less likely to become catch-alls, if you limit them to containing only things that are useful in that place. Of course, there are things that get used in multiple places. Some people keep multiples like I do with the scissors, others make a specific cabinet or dresser drawer for all those things. I have a “utility dresser” with drawers for simple household tools, tape, batteries, lightbulbs, and other things that everyone needs to get to often. Some people keep a “junk drawer” for things that have no specific place, but this is a poor idea since it gets crammed full of stuff that does not ever get assigned to its own place. 6 List stuff – Keeping a list, in a notebook, on the back of a cupboard, or on a computer, can be very useful, especially with stored supplies. It also helps keep supplies current. If there is a list on the back of the medicine cabinet mirror of what you plan to keep in that cabinet, you might be more likely to notice you are out of Band-Aids. A list of what goes in each cupboard on the back of the door, or a master list of desired food storage items, or a list of where important documents are stored can be very useful. Just make sure you have a specific place to keep the lists! 7 Put things back! – This is probably the hardest part for most people. We are naturally lazy, and we don’t want to get up and put things away all the time. But a basket on the stairs for things that need to go upstairs, or a defined place in each room to set things that don’t belong in that room, can make it easier to go around and put things back. You can also make a game of it for little children. Some younger children actually think it is fun to go put Daddy’s tie in the bedroom for a few raisins! But you can also set up a pattern of going around gathering and putting things back once a day, if you cannot make yourself put things back right away. 8 A few clever helps – everyone has stuff in their house that other people left there. Setting up a basket by the door for these things not only contains them, but also makes it easier to remember to give them back or return them. A box by the garage door for things that need to go out of your home on errands makes it easier to get those errands done and get those things out of your house. Having a specific shelf for your purse, or for school books and back packs, makes finding them much easier. Drawer dividers, hook racks, extra shelves inside cabinets, and tote bags can be very useful tools. Having a tote specifically to hold smaller things for organizing (tiny boxes, plastic packets, bags, and such) makes it easier to find something to use to contain and organize things. A place to set things when you first come home, such as a table, bench, or shelf keeps things from getting piled up on the floor. Setting up a specific rack in which to put outgoing and incoming mail, a key rack, a mirror, the family calendar, and a place to leave notes, all by the front door can be very useful. A hook rack for hat, coats, sunglasses, flashlight, umbrellas, tote bags, sunscreen or other things that are often needed as leaving the house is useful, too, especially if it can be near the door. I hope that these general principles can make your life a little bit easier! Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing. ~~ Doctrine and Covenants 88:119 By Momivate's Atmosphere CouncilMom, Annette T. Durfee One of my favorite things to do while growing up was to visit my grandmother’s homes on both sides of my family. I think everyone enjoyed it! I have to mention that while some people have “cookie” Grandmas, I had TWO "ice cream Grandmas!” My Grandma Durrant always had her freezer stocked with a favorite flavor at a moment’s notice. And my Grandma Tenney would let us sit on her back porch and grind the handle of the old-fashioned ice cream maker with a fresh cream mixture until the ice cream was nice and thick! YUM! So, was it the ice cream factor that made my Grandmas' homes such special places to visit? Being the ice cream lover that I am, I confess my answer to that question: “YES!” But, of course, there was more -- much more! In fact, everything in my grandmothers' homes spoke in a special way to my heart:
Don’t we all want that kind of a home? A home filled with warmth and love! Happily, it is something we can all achieve with work, creativity, time, and a whole lot of help from above! One song that describes this loving ambiance we want in our homes is called, “Home,” written by Caroline Eyring Miner: Home Home is where the heart is Where warmth and love abound Home is where encircling arms Go all the way around. --by Caroline Eyring Miner A home, as we all know, is more than just the furniture and the stuff we own. It is made up of the people who live there – our family! Therefore, in order for a home to have that ambiance of love that we desire, one of the most important things we can do is to prioritize our time to strengthen our relationships with our families. In families, love is spelled T-I-M-E. Time spent with our families is a true investment that pays long term dividends. When we spend time with our family, we increase our family’s capacity to feel loved and secure in our home. What we are really saying is, “I have time for you. You are important to me.” Time spent with family doesn’t have to be expensive to be effective, but both quantity as well as quality are important and consistency is key. How do YOU spell love with your family? What message are you sending with the events on your calendar? Here are a few ways that strong families send their families a little love note to pump up the love-meter in their homes: 1. Set aside a weekly family night – What could be better than a time reserved just for your family each week where you all have a blast together?! Start out with one and build up to planning out a few at a time. Keep it simple or spruce it up. Just make it a night that the whole family looks forward to! It’s a great time to teach your family values as well as life skills. Play games and activities or go on outings! Maybe even work on a project together once in a while! And always – I mean ALWAYS - include a special treat!
2. Set aside a weekly family planning meeting – This is a great time to calendar events, share goals and dreams, and express ideas that will strengthen your family and leave everyone feeling calm and reassured. What can you do to assist them? How can they in turn help the family run more smoothly? You can do this as part of your weekly family night or at dinner. Just find whatever time works best for your family. 3. Individual Attention – One-on-one time with your children can be an effective way to connect with them even if it’s only a few minutes a day. Maybe you do this as you prepare dinner together, go on a short outing, run an errand together, or enjoy a special bedtime routine. Letting them talk about whatever is on their mind and really listening to them without judgment or criticism will help them to feel important and loved. 4. Unplug – In a world that is running at breakneck speed, we don’t want our families to get lost in the shuffle. So be sure to take a little time each day AWAY from phones, computers, television, and so on, not only to benefit yourself, but so that the whole family can really connect. This electronic free time becomes your chance to look each other in the eyes, talk together, laugh together and learn from one another, so don’t let it pass you by! 5. Eat meals together - Even if you can’t do it for every meal of every single day, do what you can to regularly schedule this important time together. Making it a priority to eat together blesses our families tremendously! Children whose families eat together not only develop healthier eating patterns and have better health, but they have a better vocabulary and academic performance, a higher self-esteem, a greater sense of reliance, and a lower risk of depression, substance abuse, and teen pregnancy. 6. Make and keep family traditions – Silly or special, extensive or simple, taking time to infuse family traditions lights a spark of joy and love in families. Some families have a song or a cheer. Some gather for a family prayer and group hug before heading out the door each morning. Some explore a special place each year. It really doesn’t matter what the tradition is, only that you do it and remember to keep doing it. Whether it’s as simple as having green eggs and ham on St. Patrick’s Day, strawberry pancake stacks on Valentine’s, or a treasure hunt on birthdays to find the presents, traditions not only give children something fun to look forward to, but help them to feel emotionally supported. My grandmothers always had time for their family. They could have done a million other things, but instead they chose us. They turned on the love-meter in their homes by including us in their lives - teaching us how to do ceramics, raking the leaves together, playing a game of cards, going for a walk together to the post office. The ambiance in their homes was more than just physical surroundings, although that was certainly part of it. By opening up their calendars, what they were doing in essence was allowing us the time to open up our hearts to them, time with which they could then use to share their powerful influence for good. Now that’s what I call time well spent! By Meagan Waite from the Discovery Family Coalition Dr. Seuss, the beloved children’s author, wrote “Green Eggs and Ham” on a bet. The co-founder of Random House Publishing, Mr. Bennett Cerf, wagered that Seuss couldn’t write a book that had fewer than 50 unique words. Seuss won 50 bucks, and we have a piece of literary art with which one cannot help but rhyme along. If you haven’t read it, you should. It can get you thinking about the relationship between what you believe and what you experience. It can encourage you to think outside the box (no would-nots, could-nots for you!) and try new things. It can give you courage to show resilience in the face of challenges, opposition, and adversity. Yes, reading can do that for you. March is National Reading Month. It has been designated as such in honor of Dr. Seuss’ birthday, March 2. My Discovery Destination! is celebrating. How? With a Discovery Hunt, of course! In fact, we bet YOU that you are going to love this Hunt, and we dare you to try and prove us wrong. Oh the places you’ll go! It’s easy! Download the GooseChase app and search for the Hunt with the name “Oh The Places You’ll Go” (named in honor of Dr. Seuss, as is this article) or with the game code “SEUSS”. You are going to want to get started right away. The Hunt is full of Adventures that are educational. They are fun. And they have the ability to strengthen your family and build resilience in your children. Yes, Discovery Hunts can do that for you. By Diana Duke, Secretary on Momivate's MotherBoard They say that patience is a virtue. Sometimes I wonder if it's a virtue I once mastered and then lost somewhere along the way. I think back to a time before I was a mother, when I had all of the patience in the world. I worked at a group home for children with disabilities and quickly found how much I loved it. As time moved on, I started a family and found myself venturing into other fields. However, at the top of my priorities was being a mother to my children. I had an amazing husband and, although we had our struggles, life was good. I wish I’d had more time to be the wife I always wanted to be, but things took a turn for the worse and I found myself widowed at thirty-one. I completely fell apart for a while. I lost my sense of self, and that patience I’d had was now something that I was searching for. I feel that it is something I am really struggling with, yet all of the time everyone around me is telling me, “You have so much patience—I don't know how you do it!” I am constantly being told what a good mother I am and, though I am grateful for their kind comments, it leads me to wonder who I am. I don't feel patient. I don't feel so wonderful all the time. I think we as mothers are often our own hardest critics. However, I am pretty competitive, so I have to believe that the bar that I set long ago for myself has to be attainable or I wouldn't have set it in the first place. I want to be happy, and I want my children to be happy. I find that getting back to the basics makes life so much easier. Being patient with ourselves, patient with our children, and being patient with those around us makes us kinder and more gentle. I know that it can be hard when you don't know where to start. But you just have to start where you are. So that is what I'm doing--jumping in and starting where I am. Even as I write this, I have found myself worrying; not knowing what to write about; stressing out that nobody wants to hear about my chaotic struggles. But we are human and we all have our own challenges. We need to be patient with ourselves. Right now one of my challenges is the never-ending laundry pile--I never get to cross it off my to-do list, so I never get the satisfaction of completion. However, what I can do is set a goal for how many loads I can do today. That way I am able to cross something off my to-do list with satisfaction. I can go on and on about the steps I have to take to be patient with myself. We are all different; what works for me isn't going to work for everyone else. But each of us can do something to quiet those negative, self-defeating thoughts in our heads. What are some things you can do to be patient with yourself? One for the Money Two for the Show Three to get Ready Four to go ![]() This past week I began listening to Every Day Millionaire by Chris Hogan, a book my daughter recommended from her Finance class. In it, Hogan corrects some myths many believe make a millionaire. Using the old nursery rhyme, here is a little something I have taken from what he said: One for the Money Money is a tool, not the means, to becoming financially successful. DISCIPLINE and CONSISTENCY are the key ingredients. Two for the Show The purpose of having money is not showing off what you have. Money is for spending wisely on your needs, not trying to keep up with the neighbors. Stay out of debt. Don’t get loans. Three to get Ready Hogan says, “We are only young once, but we are also only old once.” Preparing for the future starts today. You do this by saving wisely and not spending everything you get. These are some other things to remember: 1. Take advantage of any matching funds your employer offers. 2. Most people don't earn their money by taking high-risk investments; most people lose money by taking risks. 3. Know what your net worth is. Take all your assets and add them up. Being a millionaire does not mean you have millions in the bank. Four to Go Know what you want when you are 50. Do you picture yourself working, or spending time with your family and doing things for others? Make a plan and set some financial goals. Having a plan makes it possible to reach your destination. The next book I plan to read is The Cheapskate Next Door by Jeff Yeager. By Cindy Thomsen, Momivate's Leader over Schedules & Systems and blogger at ResilientMotherhood.net Summer break is here and it seems when kids are bored they spend their free time on a screen? There are so many fun electronic resources as well as so many distractions! What do your kids like? Youtube, streaming movies, playing games all day! How do we stop that from happening and help our kids get the most out of their Summer? I started researching ways to help my kids put down their electronics and find more productive ways to spend their time. There are so many great ideas out there. Here were a few that stood out to me. Hopefully these can help you too to have a fun-filled Summer together with fun activities and a more focused and planned screen time. ... to read the rest of Cindy's post, visit her blog at: resilientmotherhood.net/tips-to-reduce-screen-time-this-summer/
My twin daughters are in a kickboxing class at the local community college and this video was assigned to them as homework. It struck me as so simple that it is well worth the couple of minutes to review information we likely are already aware of but need continual reminders about. Moms, this is what we do -- we are the reminders, the repeaters, the consistent, kind, and friendly reviewers and encouragers!
From the YouTube Description: Wellness means overall well-being. It includes the emotional, environmental, financial, intellectual, occupational, physical, social, and spiritual aspects of a person’s life. Incorporating aspects of the Eight Dimensions of Wellness, such as choosing healthy foods, forming strong relationships, and exercising often, into everyday habits can help people live longer and improve quality of life. The Eight Dimensions of Wellness may also help people better manage their condition and experience recovery. This short animated video explores the Eight Dimensions of Wellness and helps people understand the practical strategies and ways they can begin developing healthy habits that can have a positive impact on their physical and mental health. To learn more about SAMHSA’s Wellness Initiative, click here. ![]() Some houses try to hide the fact That children shelter there. Ours boasts it quiet openly, The signs are everywhere... For smears on the windows, Little smudges on the doors. I should apologize, I guess, For toys strewn on the floor. But I sat down with the children, And we played and laughed and read, And if the doorbell doesn’t shine, Their eyes will shine instead. For when at times I'm forced to choose: The one job or the other, I’d like to cook, and clean, and scrub... But first I’ll be a MOTHER. Author Unknown Too often we are scared. Scared of what we might not be able to do. Scared of what people might think if we tried. We let our FEARS stand in the way of our HOPES. We say "no" when we want to say "yes." We sit quietly when we want to scream. And we shout with the others, when we should keep our mouths shut. WHY? after all, we do only go around once. SO STOP. Try something you've never tried. RISK IT. Enter a triathlon. Write a letter to the editor. Demand a raise. Call winners at the toughest court. Throw away your television. Bicycle across the United States. Try bobsledding. Try anything. Speak out against the designated hitter. Travel to a country where you don't speak the language. Patent something. Call him. You have nothing to lose. And everything EVERYTHING EVERYTHING to gain. JUST DO IT. ![]() If you had a bank that credited your account each morning with $86,000 ---- That carried over no balance from day to day... Allowed you to keep no cash in your account... And every evening, it canceled whatever part of the amount you had failed to use during the day... What would you do?? Draw out every cent every day, of course, and use it to your advantage! Well, you have such a bank----and its name is "TIME." Every morning, it credits you with 86,400 seconds. Every night, it rules off as lost whatever of this you have failed to invest to good purpose. It carries over no balances. It allows no overdrafts. Each day, it opens a new account with you. Each night, it burns the records of the day. If you fail to use the day's deposits, the loss is yours. There is no going back. There is no drawing against the "Tomorrow." It is up to each of us to invest the precious fund of hours, minutes and seconds in order to get from it the utmost in health, happiness, and success! The above is a quote I've had since high school and it has often influenced my decisions of how to spend my time. I used to think that sleep was a waste of time, until I realized that getting enough sleep helped me use the awake time more efficiently, plus it contributed to my health. Due to this quote's message, I rarely watch television or get stuck in the rabbit hole of social media. I choose mindfully how much and which media to intake. A few years ago, my brother died suddenly, with no warning, and that unexpected death taught me that procrastinating might mean I never have a chance to do what I really want to do!! So I learned that it's not just a matter of filling my time... instead, I invest my time and spend it on the people and projects that are most important to me! I've figured out that I can't do everything, so I want to make sure that what I am doing is based on my priorities: People first (they have feelings!). Projects second. And the unimportant things are what go undone. What's unimportant to me (like cleaning out the kitchen sink everyday) might be important to someone else (like my mom), but we have to respect each other's usage of time! Because I try to live according to this philosophy, I don't feel bad or guilty about taking down time when my body and spirit send the signal for it. I just relax, knowing I've made good use of my time, and that giving myself a break is important, too! The Mom in the Mirror
When you get what you want in your struggle for self And the world makes you queen for a day, Just go to the mirror and look at yourself And see what *that* mom has to say. For it isn’t your facebook or instagram likes Whose judgement upon you must pass. The woman whose verdict counts most in your life Is the one staring back from the glass. Some people may see all your beautiful posts And think you’re free from all wrongs. But the mom in the glass knows about the burnt toast, And the flats and the sharps in your songs. She’s the woman to please - never mind all the rest, For she’s with you (and your kids) to the end. And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test If the mom in the glass is your friend. You don’t need to convince the whole instagram crowd That they’ll never know anyone dearer. Adore your imperfect self and be proud To love that real mom in the mirror. For when you accept that perfection you lack And pursue simple progress instead, You offer yourself the best kind of feedback And happier feelings are spread. Other moms need to know that your struggles are real And how optimism can play A critical role in how you manage and deal With life’s topsy turvy melee. No need to complain, no need to hold back Let authenticity be your goal And the mom in the mirror will share her life hack: “Be true to the mom in your soul!” The Weaver
My life is but a weaving Between my God and me. I cannot choose the colors He weaveth steadily. Oft’ times He weaveth sorrow; And I in foolish pride Forget He sees the upper And I the underside. Not ’til the loom is silent And the shuttles cease to fly Will God unroll the canvas And reveal the reason why. The dark threads are as needful In the weaver’s skillful hand As the threads of gold and silver In the pattern He has planned. He knows, He loves, He cares; Nothing this truth can dim. He gives the very best to those Who leave the choice to Him. By Grant Colfax Tullar By Elisabeth Balderree, former Director of Music, Inspiration, and Laughter ![]() My son and I have a unique way we communicate with each other. I call it a pass-along book, and it’s a little bit of magic in our relationship. I don’t remember how the idea of the little pass-along book began, but it’s something that connects my son and me together in a simple, yet meaningful way. He will write a question for me in it, or tell me something funny or important to him, then he’ll leave it on my nightstand. When I find it, I’ll write my reply, and then leave it on his desk. Sometimes I’ll ask if he wants to play a game, color or draw, or I’ll ask a specific question about his day or what’s on his mind. Other times, I’ll give him a sincere compliment. He writes similar things to me. Maybe we will write in this one little notebook, or perhaps it will turn into years of passing notebooks back and forth. In some ways, it’s like a small journal for just the two of us, capturing moments in time. Although it may seem rather ordinary, it is very meaningful. Creating this unique, yet simple avenue for communication is important to me, because he knows he can come to me with questions, thoughts, concerns or anything else on his mind. I know this little book has strengthened our relationship, and, to me, that makes this little two dollar notebook priceless. Photos by Elisabeth Balderree
By Leigha Westover, Director of Income & Outgo What is stopping you from being financially independent?
The first step toward becoming financially sound is to really understand where you’re starting from. Stop and take time to review where you are today. Take an hour and sit down with your spouse, children, or friend and write everything out. That means every single thing--including your habitual purchases. For instance, do you have the bottled water you buy every week on your budget? The soft drink or the coffee you pick up as you go by your favorite coffee shop or gas station? Do you have pet fees? Clothing and beauty spending? That means nails, haircut, waxing, or eyelash extensions. Take a long look at what you spent your money on in the first three months of this year. I bet you probably are shocked by what you spent. You did get some extra money with that stimulus check, but did you have unexpected expenses creep up? In our home, two cars need body repair—with a thousand dollar deductible each. We have a car account set aside but the amount we have allocated to that account wasn’t enough. We don't have the deductible and our insurance is due in a month. Besides that, one of the cars has needed tires since December. Our car savings only has enough to cover one of these essentials. As we reviewed our budget and spending we realized that we need to make a few changes. As you review yours, take time to think about how organized you are. Where are your receipts kept and how well do you track your expenses? With April coming up, taxes are due. Ask your accountant about a better way to track expenses and how to make filing next year easier. They may have some wise counsel for you. Taxes are their specialty, so ask lots of questions and take what applies to you to improve your financial situation. After you review your budget and spending, it is time to look forward. Preview your remaining nine months of this year. Take the tips and tricks shared by your accountant, or other resources you have discovered, and look ahead to where you want to be. What do you want to happen by the end of 2021? Realign your budget to meet your goals and needs. Be innovative, and remember that your family is worth any changes you have to make. You don’t have to do this alone. To be self reliant, turn to God and seek his will. Pray for guidance in your financial decisions. Be his hands, and watch your life fall into place financially. If you're happy how you are handling things financially, that’s great! Share your tricks with those who need help. But, if you want a change, I invite you to experiment on our Income/Outgo component principles. You’ll see for yourself how much your financial and family life improves along the way! This post was authored by the SlumberYard Team and donated as content for our blog to help mothers of children with autism! ![]() Coronavirus has had an enormous impact on all Americans’ sleep habits, but COVID-19 has been especially hard on children with autism who already deal with sleep-related issues. It’s an especially critical issue because a new 2020 CDC report analyzing 2016 school data shows that autism is on the rise. The biennial update reports that one in 54 children is diagnosed with autism by age eight, up almost 10% from 2014. “The world of autism has changed considerably since we were founded in 2005 when the estimated prevalence was 1 in 166,” says Autism Speaks President and Chief Executive Officer Angela Geiger. Living with autism has its challenges, but life is made considerably more challenging when one isn’t armed with the sleep the body needs to function properly. “Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) are at an increased risk for sleep disturbances, and studies indicate that between 50% and 80% of children with ASD experience sleep problems,” says Dr. Rashmi Byakodi, a health and wellness writer and editor of Best for Nutrition. “It is also reported that sleep disturbances may increase behavioral problems in these kids.” Children with autism have trouble with concentration, making it challenging to hold a conversation, make extended eye contact or keep still. They are easily distracted and prone to repetitive movements, making it hard to concentrate and focus. Children with autism are also prone to compulsive behaviors and may have delayed development when it comes to language or learning skills. Autism can also have a significant impact on sleep patterns. How Autism Affects Your Child’s SleepAs a developmental disorder, autism attacks both a child’s behavior and the ability to communicate. Researchers aren’t sure exactly what causes autism, but several theories relate to environmental and genetic factors. Regardless, as a spectrum disorder, the effects of autism can be different from person to person. New studies also show that sleep problems begin in infancy for children with autism, creating harmful sleep habits that carry on through later years. By preschool, nearly 80% of children with autism have sleep-related issues. Researchers identified higher growth within the brain’s hippocampus from six to 24 months of age, affecting its memory capabilities. This can have a significant impact on a child’s ability to sleep. When the sun goes down and the house grows still, a child’s brain can sometimes be too hyperactive for sleep, making for a long and stressful night for both parent and child alike. “Sleep issues in Autism are extremely common,” says Suman Chatterji, Founder and Editor of Good Health Corner. He is a special needs father and self-professed biohacker, mental health champion and researcher. “Being a father of a special need’s child, I live this on a daily basis. Autism is a very complex puzzle, and we all need to understand that there are some significant underlying biochemical imbalances associated with this diagnosis. Had there been no such imbalance, you would have had no Autism.” Children can experience several different issues when it comes to their sleep.
The consequences can range from moderate to severe. The effects of poor sleep on autism include:
A licensed social worker, Sharon O’Connor specializes in neurodiversity and anxiety at Choosing Therapy. She explains: “When Autistic kiddos aren’t able to get the sleep they need, we might see more difficulty with self-regulation or sensory issues that seem more pronounced, because these elements become so much more difficult to manage when we’re sleep-deprived. We might also see a temporary loss of some skills – speaking or communicating might become more difficult, and a task previously done independently, like tying shoes, might now require support.” For a child with autism, that inability can be enormously frustrating, but it’s more common than you might think. How Common Are Sleep Disorders In Children With AutismAutism Speaks reports that as many as 80% of children with autism experience sleep problems or sleep disorders. As many as four in five children suffer from one or multiple chronic sleep problems. Studies suggest that a change in brain structure is what affects sleep problems associated with childhood autism. While the average person spends about 23% of rest in the rapid eye movement (REM) stage, autistic children only spend about 15% in REM sleep in comparison. It means that sleep is far less restorative for an autistic child than it is for other children. Many medications contain stimulants, which can keep children awake at night. Medications for ADHD are one typical example of insomnia-inducing sleep conditions. Sleep issues in autistic children can have other repercussions, such as:
“From experience, the gut plays a significant role in sleep issues,” says Chatterji of Good Health Corner. “Most of the kids on the autism spectrum have an amount of gut dysbiosis, which results in various behavioral issues, including sleep. Conditions like SIBO, Leaky Gut or general inflammation of the gut can lead to pain, acid reflux, yeast overgrowth or growth of opportunistic and pathogenic organisms, which can cause havoc in a small body.” That’s complicated enough, but about 95% of children with autism also have another co-occurring condition. Autism-Related Behaviors Condition ------ Prevalence Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) ------ 53% Anxiety ------ 51% Depression ------ 25% Even more concerning, at least 60% of children with autism live with two other related conditions, such as seizures, intellectual disabilities and gastrointestinal problems. Sleep issues are also widespread, but unlike the other conditions, they are easily treatable. First, though, that requires a diagnosis, and that’s not always so easy to receive. Issues with DiagnosisThe CDC reports that screenings for autism are also increasing, with developmental screenings rising from 74% to 84% by the age of three. However, there’s an enormous disparity in the diagnosis between boys and girls, with boys four times as likely to be diagnosed with autism than girls. While one in 34 boys is identified with autism, only one in 144 girls was found to be affected. There are other problems with the diagnosis of autism. Although autism can be detected as early as two years of age, most children are not diagnosed until after the age of four. There is also a lack of diagnosis amongst minority children, leaving them grossly underrepresented. The earlier autism is detected, the sooner that medical professionals, parents and caregivers can begin to introduce sleep-forming habits that will reinforce better rest from a younger age. How To Cope With Sleep Disorders In Children With ASDCOVID-19 has had a phenomenal impact on children with autism, disrupting already sensitive sleep schedules and further heightening the anxiety they feel daily. “Anxiety is a common element of the autistic experience to begin with,” explains O’Connor. “Throw in a global pandemic and tons of upheaval and unpredictability, and it can increase that anxiety exponentially. Anxiety can adversely affect our ability to fall asleep, as well as our quality of sleep.” She continues, “Times of major stress or change can lead to autistic burnout, when an autistic person may find themselves exhausted, with a temporary loss of certain skills. During these times, rest is so hugely important for recovery.” Every child is unique and reacts to stress differently, so parents and caregivers should be patient and open to creativity in their sleep strategies. Despite your child’s autism, there are still ways for your child to sleep longer and more soundly each night. Optimize Your Child’s Sleep SettingThese are some tips that you can use in your home to help your child sleep better. Check-in Children may not always know how or why to express their trouble sleeping, so parents should take the initiative to regularly check-in and talk to their children about how they are sleeping. Avoid upsetting material In the hours before bed, make sure that your child avoids watching any TV, videos or games that may be disturbing. Consider medical treatment Sometimes, underlying issues are affecting a child’s medical or psychiatric well-being. Your child may be able to benefit from additional help through therapy or medication. This is especially recommended when a child experiences sleep apnea, sleepwalking, sleep terrors or restless legs syndrome. For children who are already being treated by medication, they could benefit from either an increase or change in medication or even behavioral therapy. Adjust the thermostat Science shows that cooler air is optimal for sleep, so watch the temperature in your child’s bedroom. Sleep experts recommend temperatures between 65° and 67° F in the bedroom. If your child tends to sleep without blankets or runs hot during sleep, adjust the temperature accordingly. Restrict bedroom activities It’s easy for games and toys to accumulate in your child’s bedroom, but that can be counter-effective when it comes to bedtime. Instead, keep all activities out of the bedroom, so it’s an area solely reserved for sleep. Your child’s brain will learn to associate the bedroom with sleep, automatically winding down instead of revving up for TV or games. If there are electronics or toys in the bedroom, keep them stored in a closed container so your child won’t be tempted to use them at the wrong time. Avoid screen time after 5 pm, so blue lights and LEDs do not keep your child up at night. Chatterji, from Good Health Corner, explains that “stopping exposure to blue light or any iPad and television before bedtime helps in the production of melatonin.” Use the S.L.E.P. method This stands for Sleep, Learning, Eating and Play. Organize your room in such a way that there are designated areas for each time of the day. A desk in the learning corner and toys in another can help the brain reinforce the different parts of each day. Consider a redesign Children with autism live in a constant state of arousal, which can also have severe physical impacts on the body. To help eliminate this added stress and anxiety, reconsider their bedroom hygiene. Get rid of any overstimulating elements within the room and remove any blinking lights, humming machines or tangles of wires that can all prove visually distracting at bedtime. Instead, use colors, textures and furnishings that both calm and soothe. Skip the reds, oranges, yellows, and whites, and instead opt for colors that evoke relaxation, such as blues, greens, purples, browns and black. Invest in a new mattress that makes the bed a more comfortable place. {NOTE: This content was provided by a company that reviews and sells mattresses. They may earn a commission if you purchase through their website, but Momivate does not.} Plants and essential oils can also help set the stage for sleep. Chatterji adds that “essential oils like lavender helps with sleep. The compound linalool in lavender works as a mild sedative. Using Magnesium oil rubs and melatonin supplement 30 mins before bedtime helps as well.” Daily Habits That Encourage SleepThere are also some daily habits that you can use to encourage a better sleep quality each night. Exercise Exercise is one of the best natural ways to prepare the body for rest each night. Autism Speaks shares that children who exercise during the day tend to fall asleep faster and benefit from a more profound slumber. Keep in mind that exercising too close to bedtime could have the opposite effect, so try to schedule the physical activity for mornings or early afternoons. Encourage independence As much as children love to cuddle up to their parents, it’s also important that kids with autism learn the skill of independence. Your child needs to learn how to fall asleep alone, and creating a soothing bedroom atmosphere can make your child feel safe enough to fall – and stay – asleep. Watch the naps Naps can interfere with your child’s sleep at night. Though helpful for young preschool-aged children, naps should be kept at earlier times in the day and away from bedtime so your child won’t stay up all night. Avoid caffeine Caffeine is a popular stimulant that can keep your children awake all night. In addition to sodas and coffee, caffeine is also found in tea and chocolate. Caffeine can stay in the body anywhere from three to 12 hours after consumption. Bedtime Routine A bedtime routine is especially helpful for children with autism who have trouble sleeping at night. It helps to provide predictability and consistency in a world that feels largely out of their control. Inconsistent sleep routines can also be a deterrent to healthy sleep. When a child does not have regular bedtimes and wake-up times, it can be hard for the body to know when to rest. For children with autism, bedtimes and wake-up times should be kept to the same times as possible to train the body to relax. Be sure to maintain this same wake-up and sleep times, even on the weekends and vacations. “Having a fixed sleeping routine and time helps children. For example, having an Epsom salt foot bath, followed by lights off at 8 pm,” shares Chatterji. It is also helpful to maintain the same routine throughout the day, with regular mealtimes and nap times, if necessary. “I recommend doing a nighttime ritual before bed and sticking to a fixed sleeping schedule,” advises Stephen Light, a Certified Sleep Science Coach and co-owner of Nolah Mattress. “After the autistic child becomes accustomed to the routine, their body immediately knows to slowly transition to sleep mode when they do their nightly routine. In this scenario, sleeping time is easier since they associate a particular activity with bedtime.” Sleep ToolkitMuch of our SlumberYard guide takes a proactive approach to your child’s sleep, but there are both active and reactive tools that you can employ to help your child adopt healthier sleep habits that last a lifetime.
Our Sleep Kit is designed to instill a sense of security, control, and peace within your child so sleep comes much easier each night. Children with autism can develop the proper routines and tools to empower them in their daily life, benefitting both child and parent alike. Children living with ASD experience much higher stress levels than the average child, surrounded as they are by a world of constant stimulants. Having healthy ways to cope with this stress helps sleep and prepares children for a life with autism. Our SlumberYard team understands that changes in routine can be difficult for anyone, especially for a child with autism. In an effort to make this resource accessible to all children, we’ve provided printable templates families can begin using tonight to co-create their child’s very own personalized bedtime routine. Creating a bedtime routine is a fun activity that can involve the whole family while arming your child with a renewed sense of independence and control during this adjustment period toward healthier sleep. Simply print the routine templates, below, and allow your child to begin creating their own routine with the tiles provided, or use the blank tiles for more personalized routine elements. To download the free templates, and read the rest of this article, please go to: https://myslumberyard.com/blog/autism-and-sleep-empowering-children-with-asd-for-better-sleep/ Please note that this organization is not connected to Momivate other than providing this content to our blog. Momivate does not endorse their products nor do we receive compensation if you purchase products through their website. We're grateful for their contribution to our blog and hope you find that it empowers you to elevate your mothering experience!
Are you convinced that screens are hurting our children's brains?
I am. Not just in theory but based on personal experience! Maybe not the way you think -- my case is a counter-example. When I was 12 or so, my mom cut the cord off the TV because we weren't keeping the rules -- and so I enjoyed a very *rich* teen time frame despite being raised by a single mom, well within poverty level. I was *rich* in my zeal for living a real life! I wasn't weighed down by expectations put into my brain by watching TV shows or seeing commercials about everything I couldn't afford and being convinced that I needed those things. I had free time to find out what was important to me and then do it! I rarely felt "left out" when conversations about TV shows seemed irrelevant to my life. In contrast, my friends often felt left out when I described how I spent my time discovering and developing various hobbies, enjoying real-life social fun like impromptu pizza parties, long drives to interesting destinations, and long talks with my on-again-off-again boyfriend (our relationship was not defined by TV's examples). Yes, I still watched TV at friends' houses sometimes -- I wasn't against it altogether -- but those exposures solidified my philosophy that TV's pressurized influence would have greatly clouded my vision, and likely was blinding my peers from seeing their potential. Nowadays, it's no longer TV alone trying to program our children's behavior and thought processes. It comes through so many screens that cutting one cord wouldn't make much of a difference! How can we help our children navigate this territory that's also new territory to us as parents? Is it really possible and plausible to keep them away from such a pervasive influence -- or is keeping them away the goal anymore? Despite my past that I'm proud of, I'm parenting in extremely different circumstances, and I've determined that the goal is not to avoid screens altogether, but to build the ability to manage screen time effectively, and ultimately flourish with screens. Our family has a Family Technology Plan that is consistently being reviewed and sometimes revised as we encounter new situations that may not have been covered by previous drafts. As parents, we are straightforward with our children about how screen time (even educational screen time!) can be detrimental to our brains. Yes, we restrict the amount of time, redirecting repeatedly, and with the responsibility placed incrementally more on the child according to their age. Our goal is to help our children develop their own healthy habits, with a strong desire to be actively architecting their own lives rather than just watching someone else's scripted life through a screen. If you haven't gained a conviction yet of the necessity for parents to be pro-active in their children's journey to safe screen use, please watch this documentary! Yes, the struggle is real, and so worth every effort!
The following is copied and pasted from the YouTube page:
For the first time in history, mental illness and suicide have become one of the greatest threats to school-aged children. Many parents still view dangers as primarily physical and external, but they’re missing the real danger: kids spending more time online and less time engaging in real life, free play, and autonomy. What are the effects on the next generation's mental, physical, and spiritual health? Childhood was more or less unchanged for millennia, but this is CHILDHOOD 2.0. For more resources and to download a community discussion guide and share with your community, please visit: https://bit.ly/32voKpY. NOTE: Bark is proud to sponsor the free release of this film because we believe every family should have access to such a crucial, powerful resource. Run Time: 88 Minutes A Film by: Jamin Winans, Robert Muratore, and Kiowa Winans Music by: Jamin Winans Written by Alana Hutchins, Momivate's Director of Energy: Eating, Exercise, and Sleep Ahhhhhh, it is finally 10:00pm, and time to sleep. Isn’t this how we feel most days dragging ourselves into bed and crawling in between our nice soft covers. We look forward to drifting off peacefully into a rejuvenating slumber that oscillates between soothing dreams and deep-sleep oblivion? Or at least that’s how it would work in the ideal world. Often, the cadence of our slow breathing is interrupted by the sharp cry of an infant or the wail of an unhappy two-year-old. BAHH! Not again! I’m too tired to get out of bed, it’s your turn, honey. Alas, waking up with children is part and parcel of the whole parenting deal. Even if waking up with small things is part of the deal. It is not always ideal for getting a good night’s rest, but falling asleep and sleeping through the night is a skill that has to be learned just like any other activity of daily living. What about those nights when there is no baby to blame and we still sleep terribly? When the red alarm clock taunts us from the nightstand with yet another hour lost and gone to the void of could-have-been-sleeping, when instead of dreaming we are simply lying there wishing we were sleeping. Around midnight, wishing turns to stressing and all hopes of a being chipper tomorrow evaporate all together. We are happier and healthier when we are well rested—that is all there is to it. Here are some reasons why:
Tips and Tricks for women who want to be pro sleepers:
Tips and Tricks to help children become pro sleepers:
Good luck, and sweet dreams! Groggily yours *While there is no hard and fast rule, the general guide is toddlers need around 12 hours of sleep a night; children aged 3–6 years old need 10–12 hours; 7- to 12-year-olds need 10–11 hours; and teenagers need around 8–9 hours. You may feel cheated when your child consistently sleeps less than his peers, but the truth is, some kids just don’t need as much sleep to be healthy and feel their best during the day. By Alana Hutchins, Momivate's Director of Energy: Eating, Exercise, & Sleep ![]() MEDITATION A familiar word with an unfamiliar feeling. Over 14% of the U.S. population, and over 5% of children, have tried meditating at one point or another, but not everyone keeps up the practice. There are many different types of meditation, but let’s assume that as a busy mother you don’t feel like you have time for any of them. In a stress- and anxiety-saturated world, it is no wonder people are looking for ways to detox their brains and regain their mental health. Meditation is not new; it is an ancient practice making a modern come back. Meditation can increase relaxation, develop mindfulness, and enhance overall well-being. Meditation involves the practice of calming the mind and enhancing your senses for improved awareness of an object of focus, usually one’s breathing process. By implementing a series of breathing exercises, the mind and body experience relief from stress and anxiety.
Here are the Facts:
If you are just starting out, I recommend you meditate for anywhere from 5-10 minutes a day. You can start with even less. Maybe try it for 1 minute in the morning when you can sit still and relax for that long, then move it to two minutes. This practice should be pleasant and enjoyable, not uncomfortable. Frequency is more important than duration. Maybe 30 minutes total could be an end goal—broken up into two or three sessions during the day. This will take time to develop for most because of our busy lives. Be clear about the time you will carve out and where you will sit, relatively undisturbed, because it will take discipline and perseverance to make a habit stick. Honor the routine of “same time, same place” to help build your meditation practice. Sit anyway you like, but sitting forward towards the front of your chair will help with the correct posture; back straight, neck relaxed, chin slightly tucked in with your hands loosely on your lap or knees. Be clear about why you want to start meditation and it will help you stick with it. Do you want to feel happier, calmer, more focused, less stressed etc.? There are many online helps for people just starting out with meditation so take a deep breath, get out there—or rather in there—and give it a try! What do you have to lose? Cheers to a calm and peaceful 2021! This is your year, make it amazing. Written by Leigha Westover, Co-Founder of Momivate and Director of Income & Outgo What does Self Reliance mean to you? Please take a moment to ponder the meaning of Self Reliance. Webster's dictionary states that self reliance is reliance on one's own efforts and abilities. If we are to take this into account then I am not very self reliant -- I need the aid of others to provide my clothes, food, and shelter. In our society we have prospered by using our personal efforts and abilities to share and provide for others’ needs, as they also do for us. In exchange for the services rendered, we use the value of currency As a child I learned to work and contribute in our home while my father went to work to provide for our needs. As I progressed in years, my desire to become more independent increased. I secured a job in a delicatessen as a part time server, so I was able to provide for some of the increased desires of a teenager, such as entertainment. Approaching my young adult years I continued to thrive, and advanced to being able to purchase a car and move into an apartment with other young adults. My understanding of finance was just to meet the basics and get by. As I was learning and growing socially, spiritually, and mentally, I did not increase my understanding of providing beyond what I needed. I continued to live by the basic principles of earning just enough to get by for the first 25 years of marriage. We struggled, trying to get ahead financially and we never got there. We always had barely enough for us and sometimes not even that. My underdeveloped outlook on budgeting limited my family. Occasionally I would stretch out my faith to believe there would be enough when the kids wanted to invite a friend to eat with us. And there alway was even when I lacked faith and said no. As you seek to understand what self reliance means for you in your life, you may discover that you have more learning to do. Identify principles -- statements of truth -- you can try to apply to your daily life. Some principles to considerPay the Lord first (tithing and/or donations), then pay yourself (savings), then SPEND WISELY.
Build up the self-discipline necessary to live according to your budget.
Be willing to sacrifice for the sake of stability.
Less really can be more. Simplify! Embrace the concept of ENOUGH.
Get out of debt and save to purchase what you want.
Money is not a god worthy of our worship. Trust in financial good karma!
It may not always be money you will be blessed with. It may be as simple as creating a revolving closet in your home or extra food in your garden, etc. As you are blessed with plenty, bless others with it as well. We do not need to hold on when others' burdens can be lighter. Work together to make things work: Value ALL the work necessary to make a family successful, whether or not it brings in financial income.
In the Bible, we read “I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly” (John 10:10). I believe that if our desire is to do good continually to comfort, strengthen and clothe our neighbor (love them!), we must budget wisely, and then when we are blessed with excess, we can pass it on to others. By Cindy Thomsen, Momivate Director of Schedules & Systems I am a mom of 3 kids. When my kids were younger, we set up several systems to facilitate our life. I have found that having good routines in place has helped our family tremendously. Finding meaningful schedules and systems keeps our family household running smoothly, creates structure in our home, prevents many arguments, and gets us through daily tasks quickly and efficiently, thus leaving more time for other things. Creating regular and consistent schedules and systems in your home will help you feel more successful as a parent. When life gets busy, setting specific routines can help you simplify your workload and elevate your family life, allowing you to feel more control in your everyday family life. One of my favorite systems that we have in place in our home is our afternoon schedule. When my oldest was in first grade, I really felt like we needed time to do homework, reading, and any other projects and assignments that came up. So we set up a homework area by the kitchen table. When my kids came home from school, the first thing we did was sit down and work on their homework. I made sure that my schedule was open as well so I could be there to help if needed. Amazingly, within a year or so, it had become such a habit for my kids that when friends would want to play with them right after school, they would tell them they could play after their homework was done. Usually, they still had time to play with friends before dinner. Here is a picture of my kids all doing their homework on the porch. Great way to enjoy the nice day! What I have learned over the years of following this system is that as teenagers, my kids continued to follow this routine. It is such a part of them now that they still do their homework first as soon as they get home (or first thing in the morning on social distance days). Now, I don’t have to nag them or follow through on their homework, they just do it. This one simple routine has saved us so much stress and potential headaches. It had a major effect on their ability to get good grades and prioritize important things in our lives. I’ve also found that when they have a question, they could ask each other!
I also found that I have really enjoyed this special time after school with my kids. I like to call it my “golden hour” because my kids are super chatty right after they get home from school. Once we get done talking, homework is done quickly and that leaves us more time after dinner to have fun together! It feels like there are things that always need to be done in our home. These systems will help simplify your life! Setting up specific schedules and systems in your home will allow you to create a home environment that can flow seamlessly, elevating your time together as a family. Over the next few months, I will continue to add systems and schedules to the website that will inspire you to create the systems and schedules specific to your own family! |
AuthorSOur Team of CouncilMoms take turns submitting blog posts in each area of the RAISE UP acronym. Guest authors are encouraged to submit their blog posts as well (CONTACT US for more info! Thank you!) Join our Momunity!Provide your email address or texting number and we'll alert you to new posts!
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