By Momivate's Atmosphere CouncilMom, Annette T. Durfee

By Momivate's Atmosphere CouncilMom, Annette T. Durfee

​As a classical musician, I knew the benefits of classical music: an increased learning capacity, creativity, and self-esteem, to name only a few.  Knowing that our children weren’t going to grow up on a farm (like my parents did), we still wanted to teach them hard work, patience, and discipline. We decided to instill these values through formal music lessons! Thus, we became the beneficiaries of practice sessions, morning-noon-and-night! We eagerly attended recitals and concerts galore! Music sweetly and simply lent a soothing atmosphere to our home and even our car, as we traveled to and fro.

My twin daughters are in a kickboxing class at the local community college and this video was assigned to them as homework. It struck me as so simple that it is well worth the couple of minutes to review information we likely are already aware of but need continual reminders about. Moms, this is what we do -- we are the reminders, the repeaters, the consistent, kind, and friendly reviewers and encouragers!
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From the YouTube Description:

Wellness means overall well-being. It includes the emotional, environmental, financial, intellectual, occupational, physical, social, and spiritual aspects of a person’s life. Incorporating aspects of the Eight Dimensions of Wellness, such as choosing healthy foods, forming strong relationships, and exercising often, into everyday habits can help people live longer and improve quality of life. The Eight Dimensions of Wellness may also help people better manage their condition and experience recovery. This short animated video explores the Eight Dimensions of Wellness and helps people understand the practical strategies and ways they can begin developing healthy habits that can have a positive impact on their physical and mental health. To learn more about SAMHSA’s Wellness Initiative, click here.

Some houses try to hide the fact
That children shelter there.
Ours boasts it quiet openly,
The signs are everywhere...

For smears on the windows,
Little smudges on the doors.
I should apologize, I guess,
For toys strewn on the floor.

But I sat down with the children,
And we played and laughed and read,
And if the doorbell doesn’t shine,
Their eyes will shine instead.

For when at times I'm forced to choose:
The one job or the other,
I’d like to cook, and clean, and scrub...
But first I’ll be a MOTHER.

​Author Unknown

Too often we are scared.
Scared of what we might not be able to do.
Scared of what people might think if we tried.
We let our FEARS stand in the way of our HOPES.
We say "no" when we want to say "yes."
We sit quietly when we want to scream.
And we shout with the others,
when we should keep our mouths shut.

WHY? 

after all,
we do only go around once. 

SO STOP.

Try something you've never tried.

RISK IT.

Enter a triathlon.
Write a letter to the editor.
Demand a raise.
Call winners at the toughest court.
Throw away your television.
Bicycle across the United States.
Try bobsledding.
Try anything.
Speak out against the designated hitter.
Travel to a country where you don't speak the language.
Patent something.
Call him.
You have nothing to lose.

And everything

EVERYTHING

EVERYTHING to gain.

JUST DO IT.

​In each passing mortal hour
All around me there is need,
There are hearts that yearn and tears that fall
And hungry souls to feed.

I must seek the Spirit's wisdom,
Learn compassion's gentle art,
For I cannot give with empty hands
Nor love with barren heart.

If I would bear my brother's burden,
If I would share my sister's grief,
Extend the hand of sweet compassion,
Offer the weary ones relief,
If I would ease the thirst of strangers,
And serve His children heart and hand,
I must drink of Heaven's wells o'erflowing,
I must learn to fill the well within.

I will serve my Savior gladly,
Seek his little lambs who stray;
But if I would lead them safely home,
I must know the way.

I must seek for understanding
That I may teach His children well,
If I seek to fill the soul athirst,
I must first be filled.

That I may bear my brother's burden,
That I may share my sister's grief,
Extend the hand of sweet compassion,
Offer the weary ones relief,
That I may ease the thirst of strangers,
And serve His children heart and hand,
I must drink of Heaven's wells o'erflowing,
I must learn to fill the well within.

By Sally DeFord

Being empathic -- able to feel the emotions of others -- can be a gift, showing compassion and wanting to ease sadness. It might also be stressful, since the other person is the one in charge of whether their complex emotions get resolved in healthy ways or not. Being able to "LET GO" is a skill that empaths must learn and practice! But what does it mean?

In high school, I took a class called Peer Facilitation, and it taught us how to keep ourselves emotionally level while reaching out to those who were off kilter. Here is one of the handouts from that class, which I've kept almost 30 years! It describes both what "LET GO" is AND what it is NOT.

​May it help you in your journey as a mother, definitely a position of empathy! Also, a position with the temptation to try to control another person. Gaining this perspective, this ability to LET GO will make motherhood a much more enjoyable journey -- full of love instead of fear.

​

To "let go" does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.

To "let go" is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization that I can't control another.

To "let go" is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To "let go" is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To "let go" is not to try to change or blame another,
it's to make the most of myself.

To "let go" is not to care for,
but to care about.

To "let go" is not to fix,
but to be supportive.

To "let go" is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.

To "let go" is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcome,
but to allow others to effect their own destinies.

To "let go" is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.

To "let go" is not to deny, but to accept.

To "let go" is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To "let go" is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes, and cherish myself in it.

To "let go" is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

To "let go" is to fear less and love more.

Author unknown

Many years ago, this little essay was included in the newsletter at the School for the Deaf in Washington State. The author was listed as Carol Turkington. I'm not sure how it came to be included in my pile of papers, but whenever I would thin them out, this one would get saved. May her message help you as you adjust to whatever Holland-type situation your baby has brought you too. 

When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like you're planning a vacation to Italy. You're all excited. You get a whole bunch of guidebooks, you learn a few phrases so you can get around, and then it comes time to pack your bags and head for the airport.

Only when you land, the stewardess says, ‘Welcome to Holland.” 

You look at one another in disbelief and shock, saying “Holland? What are you talking about? I signed up for Italy!”

But they explain there’s been a change of plans and that you've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

“But I don’t know anything about Holland!” you say. "I don’t want to stay!”

But stay you do. You go out and buy some new guidebooks, you learn some new phrases and you meet people you never knew existed. The important thing is that you are not in a slum full of pestilence and famine. You're simply in a different place that you had planned. It’s slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy, but after you've been there a little while and you have a chance to catch your breath, you begin  to discover that Holland has windmills. Holland has tulips. Holland has Rembrandts.

But everyone else you know is busy coming and going from Italy. They're all bragging about what a great time they had there and for the rest of your life, you’ll say, “Yes, that’s what I had planned.” 

The pain of that will never, ever go away. 

You have to accept that pain, because the loss of that dream, the loss of that plan, is a very, very significant loss.

But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to go to Italy, you will never be free to enjoy the very special, very lovely things about Holland.  

The Weaver

My life is but a weaving
Between my God and me.
I cannot choose the colors
He weaveth steadily.

Oft’ times He weaveth sorrow;
And I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper
And I the underside.

Not ’til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Will God unroll the canvas
And reveal the reason why.

The dark threads are as needful
In the weaver’s skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned.

He knows, He loves, He cares;
Nothing this truth can dim.
He gives the very best to those
Who leave the choice to Him.

​By Grant Colfax Tullar

By Elisabeth Balderree, former Director of Music, Inspiration, and Laughter

Photos by Elisabeth Balderree

This post was authored by the SlumberYard Team and donated as content for our blog to help mothers of children with autism!

Coronavirus has had an enormous impact on all Americans’ sleep habits, but COVID-19 has been especially hard on children with autism who already deal with sleep-related issues. 

It’s an especially critical issue because a new 2020 CDC report analyzing 2016 school data shows that autism is on the rise. The biennial update reports that one in 54 children is diagnosed with autism by age eight, up almost 10% from 2014.

“The world of autism has changed considerably since we were founded in 2005 when the estimated prevalence was 1 in 166,” says Autism Speaks President and Chief Executive Officer Angela Geiger. 


Living with autism has its challenges, but life is made considerably more challenging when one isn’t armed with the sleep the body needs to function properly. 

“Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) are at an increased risk for sleep disturbances, and studies indicate that between 50% and 80% of children with ASD experience sleep problems,” says Dr. Rashmi Byakodi, a health and wellness writer and editor of Best for Nutrition. “It is also reported that sleep disturbances may increase behavioral problems in these kids.”
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Children with autism have trouble with concentration, making it challenging to hold a conversation, make extended eye contact or keep still. They are easily distracted and prone to repetitive movements, making it hard to concentrate and focus. Children with autism are also prone to compulsive behaviors and may have delayed development when it comes to language or learning skills. 
Autism can also have a significant impact on sleep patterns.

As a developmental disorder, autism attacks both a child’s behavior and the ability to communicate. Researchers aren’t sure exactly what causes autism, but several theories relate to environmental and genetic factors. Regardless, as a spectrum disorder, the effects of autism can be different from person to person. 

New studies also show that sleep problems begin in infancy for children with autism, creating harmful sleep habits that carry on through later years. By preschool, nearly 80% of children with autism have sleep-related issues. Researchers identified higher growth within the brain’s hippocampus from six to 24 months of age, affecting its memory capabilities. 

This can have a significant impact on a child’s ability to sleep. When the sun goes down and the house grows still, a child’s brain can sometimes be too hyperactive for sleep, making for a long and stressful night for both parent and child alike.

“Sleep issues in Autism are extremely common,” says Suman Chatterji, Founder and Editor of Good Health Corner. He is a special needs father and self-professed biohacker, mental health champion and researcher. “Being a father of a special need’s child, I live this on a daily basis. Autism is a very complex puzzle, and we all need to understand that there are some significant underlying biochemical imbalances associated with this diagnosis. Had there been no such imbalance, you would have had no Autism.”

Children can experience several different issues when it comes to their sleep.

• Difficulty falling asleep 

Some studies blame the body’s circadian rhythm and an imbalance of melatonin, hypothesizing that the body’s biological clock actually works against itself, keeping the body awake even when it’s time to rest. While more research is required, it’s an exciting school of thought that can offer an immediate solution.

• Restlessness or poor sleep quality 

Poor sleep has also been shown to increase when the child is prone to restricted and repetitive behaviors. This can include things like continually waving the hands, moving the feet, or lining up toys. 

• Waking early and waking frequently 

The inability to sleep through the night is a common and serious problem for children with autism. It can leave them feeling unbearably exhausted and unable to properly start the day when it comes time to wake up.
The consequences can range from moderate to severe. The effects of poor sleep on autism include:

• Anxiety
• Sensory problems 
• Trouble paying attention
• Feeling restless
• Aggression and anger
• Hyperactivity
• Throwing tantrums

The added fatigue can also make children more tired during the day, interfering with their schooling and normal development. Studies already show that for children with autism, a lack of sleep can mean more problematic behavior than those who sleep better.  

A licensed social worker, Sharon O’Connor specializes in neurodiversity and anxiety at Choosing Therapy. She explains: “When Autistic kiddos aren’t able to get the sleep they need, we might see more difficulty with self-regulation or sensory issues that seem more pronounced, because these elements become so much more difficult to manage when we’re sleep-deprived. We might also see a temporary loss of some skills – speaking or communicating might become more difficult, and a task previously done independently, like tying shoes, might now require support.”
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For a child with autism, that inability can be enormously frustrating, but it’s more common than you might think.
​

Autism Speaks reports that as many as 80% of children with autism experience sleep problems or sleep disorders. As many as four in five children suffer from one or multiple chronic sleep problems.
Studies suggest that a change in brain structure is what affects sleep problems associated with childhood autism.

While the average person spends about 23% of rest in the rapid eye movement (REM) stage, autistic children only spend about 15% in REM sleep in comparison. It means that sleep is far less restorative for an autistic child than it is for other children. 

Many medications contain stimulants, which can keep children awake at night. Medications for ADHD are one typical example of insomnia-inducing sleep conditions.

Sleep issues in autistic children can have other repercussions, such as:

• Hyperactive behavior
• Gastrointestinal problems
• Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
• Anxiety
• Sensory sensitivities to light, sound and touch
• Depression
• Epilepsy 
• Restless legs syndrome 

“From experience, the gut plays a significant role in sleep issues,” says Chatterji of Good Health Corner. “Most of the kids on the autism spectrum have an amount of gut dysbiosis, which results in various behavioral issues, including sleep. Conditions like SIBO, Leaky Gut or general inflammation of the gut can lead to pain, acid reflux, yeast overgrowth or growth of opportunistic and pathogenic organisms, which can cause havoc in a small body.” 
​
That’s complicated enough, but about 95% of children with autism also have another co-occurring condition.
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Autism-Related Behaviors
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Condition    ------     Prevalence
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)    ------     53%
Anxiety    ------     51%
Depression    ------     25%

Even more concerning, at least 60% of children with autism live with two other related conditions, such as seizures, intellectual disabilities and gastrointestinal problems. Sleep issues are also widespread, but unlike the other conditions, they are easily treatable. 
​
First, though, that requires a diagnosis, and that’s not always so easy to receive.
​

The CDC reports that screenings for autism are also increasing, with developmental screenings rising from 74% to 84% by the age of three. However, there’s an enormous disparity in the diagnosis between boys and girls, with boys four times as likely to be diagnosed with autism than girls. While one in 34 boys is identified with autism, only one in 144 girls was found to be affected.

There are other problems with the diagnosis of autism. Although autism can be detected as early as two years of age, most children are not diagnosed until after the age of four. There is also a lack of diagnosis amongst minority children, leaving them grossly underrepresented.  
​
The earlier autism is detected, the sooner that medical professionals, parents and caregivers can begin to introduce sleep-forming habits that will reinforce better rest from a younger age.
​

COVID-19 has had a phenomenal impact on children with autism, disrupting already sensitive sleep schedules and further heightening the anxiety they feel daily. 

“Anxiety is a common element of the autistic experience to begin with,” explains O’Connor. “Throw in a global pandemic and tons of upheaval and unpredictability, and it can increase that anxiety exponentially. Anxiety can adversely affect our ability to fall asleep, as well as our quality of sleep.”

She continues, “Times of major stress or change can lead to autistic burnout, when an autistic person may find themselves exhausted, with a temporary loss of certain skills. During these times, rest is so hugely important for recovery.”

Every child is unique and reacts to stress differently, so parents and caregivers should be patient and open to creativity in their sleep strategies. 
​
Despite your child’s autism, there are still ways for your child to sleep longer and more soundly each night. 
​

These are some tips that you can use in your home to help your child sleep better.

Check-in

Children may not always know how or why to express their trouble sleeping, so parents should take the initiative to regularly check-in and talk to their children about how they are sleeping.

Avoid upsetting material

In the hours before bed, make sure that your child avoids watching any TV, videos or games that may be disturbing. 

Consider medical treatment

Sometimes, underlying issues are affecting a child’s medical or psychiatric well-being. Your child may be able to benefit from additional help through therapy or medication. This is especially recommended when a child experiences sleep apnea, sleepwalking, sleep terrors or restless legs syndrome. For children who are already being treated by medication, they could benefit from either an increase or change in medication or even behavioral therapy.

Adjust the thermostat

Science shows that cooler air is optimal for sleep, so watch the temperature in your child’s bedroom. Sleep experts recommend temperatures between 65° and 67° F in the bedroom. If your child tends to sleep without blankets or runs hot during sleep, adjust the temperature accordingly.

Restrict bedroom activities

It’s easy for games and toys to accumulate in your child’s bedroom, but that can be counter-effective when it comes to bedtime. Instead, keep all activities out of the bedroom, so it’s an area solely reserved for sleep. Your child’s brain will learn to associate the bedroom with sleep, automatically winding down instead of revving up for TV or games. If there are electronics or toys in the bedroom, keep them stored in a closed container so your child won’t be tempted to use them at the wrong time. Avoid screen time after 5 pm, so blue lights and LEDs do not keep your child up at night.

Chatterji, from Good Health Corner, explains that “stopping exposure to blue light or any iPad and television before bedtime helps in the production of melatonin.” 

Use the S.L.E.P. method

This stands for Sleep, Learning, Eating and Play. Organize your room in such a way that there are designated areas for each time of the day. A desk in the learning corner and toys in another can help the brain reinforce the different parts of each day.

Consider a redesign

Children with autism live in a constant state of arousal, which can also have severe physical impacts on the body. To help eliminate this added stress and anxiety, reconsider their bedroom hygiene. Get rid of any overstimulating elements within the room and remove any blinking lights, humming machines or tangles of wires that can all prove visually distracting at bedtime. Instead, use colors, textures and furnishings that both calm and soothe. Skip the reds, oranges, yellows, and whites, and instead opt for colors that evoke relaxation, such as blues, greens, purples, browns and black. Invest in a new mattress that makes the bed a more comfortable place. {NOTE: This content was provided by a company that reviews and sells mattresses. They may earn a commission if you purchase through their website, but Momivate does not.}
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Plants and essential oils can also help set the stage for sleep. Chatterji adds that “essential oils like lavender helps with sleep. The compound linalool in lavender works as a mild sedative. Using Magnesium oil rubs and melatonin supplement 30 mins before bedtime helps as well.”
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There are also some daily habits that you can use to encourage a better sleep quality each night. 

Exercise

Exercise is one of the best natural ways to prepare the body for rest each night. Autism Speaks shares that children who exercise during the day tend to fall asleep faster and benefit from a more profound slumber. Keep in mind that exercising too close to bedtime could have the opposite effect, so try to schedule the physical activity for mornings or early afternoons.

Encourage independence

As much as children love to cuddle up to their parents, it’s also important that kids with autism learn the skill of independence. Your child needs to learn how to fall asleep alone, and creating a soothing bedroom atmosphere can make your child feel safe enough to fall – and stay – asleep. 

Watch the naps

Naps can interfere with your child’s sleep at night. Though helpful for young preschool-aged children, naps should be kept at earlier times in the day and away from bedtime so your child won’t stay up all night. 

Avoid caffeine

​Caffeine is a popular stimulant that can keep your children awake all night. In addition to sodas and coffee, caffeine is also found in tea and chocolate. Caffeine can stay in the body anywhere from three to 12 hours after consumption. 

Bedtime Routine

A bedtime routine is especially helpful for children with autism who have trouble sleeping at night. It helps to provide predictability and consistency in a world that feels largely out of their control. 

Inconsistent sleep routines can also be a deterrent to healthy sleep. When a child does not have regular bedtimes and wake-up times, it can be hard for the body to know when to rest. For children with autism, bedtimes and wake-up times should be kept to the same times as possible to train the body to relax. Be sure to maintain this same wake-up and sleep times, even on the weekends and vacations. 

“Having a fixed sleeping routine and time helps children. For example, having an Epsom salt foot bath, followed by lights off at 8 pm,” shares Chatterji. 

It is also helpful to maintain the same routine throughout the day, with regular mealtimes and nap times, if necessary.  
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“I recommend doing a nighttime ritual before bed and sticking to a fixed sleeping schedule,” advises Stephen Light, a Certified Sleep Science Coach and co-owner of Nolah Mattress. “After the autistic child becomes accustomed to the routine, their body immediately knows to slowly transition to sleep mode when they do their nightly routine. In this scenario, sleeping time is easier since they associate a particular activity with bedtime.”
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Much of our SlumberYard guide takes a proactive approach to your child’s sleep, but there are both active and reactive tools that you can employ to help your child adopt healthier sleep habits that last a lifetime. 

Our Sleep Kit is designed to instill a sense of security, control, and peace within your child so sleep comes much easier each night. Children with autism can develop the proper routines and tools to empower them in their daily life, benefitting both child and parent alike. 
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Children living with ASD experience much higher stress levels than the average child, surrounded as they are by a world of constant stimulants. Having healthy ways to cope with this stress helps sleep and prepares children for a life with autism. 
 
Our SlumberYard team understands that changes in routine can be difficult for anyone, especially for a child with autism. In an effort to make this resource accessible to all children, we’ve provided printable templates families can begin using tonight to co-create their child’s very own personalized bedtime routine. Creating a bedtime routine is a fun activity that can involve the whole family while arming your child with a renewed sense of independence and control during this adjustment period toward healthier sleep. Simply print the routine templates, below, and allow your child to begin creating their own routine with the tiles provided, or use the blank tiles for more personalized routine elements.

To download the free templates, and read the rest of this article, please go to: 

https://myslumberyard.com/blog/autism-and-sleep-empowering-children-with-asd-for-better-sleep/

Please note that this organization is not connected to Momivate other than providing this content to our blog. Momivate does not endorse their products nor do we receive compensation if you purchase products through their website. We're grateful for their contribution to our blog and hope you find that it empowers you to elevate your mothering experience!

Written by Cindy Thomsen, Momivate's Director of Schedules & Systems. Originally published on her personal blog and reprinted here with her permission.

In answering the question, "What do Moms DO anyway??" Momivate declares that Moms R.A.I.S.E. U.P. society! The "A" in RAISE UP stands for Atmosphere. Moms, we create the haven we call home. With intention and deliberate effort, we contribute to the well being of our family's mentality through a pleasant atmosphere. Momivate is currently looking for a Director of Atmosphere! If you read the following blog post and feel like this is an area where you have strong desires to make an impact, please fill out our application!

Have you been in a home that just feels nice and you really can’t put a finger on it? There are things you can do to increase the overall feeling and good atmosphere in your home. Take a minute to observe your home. What is the overall feeling your home gives off? What do you see, hear, smell, touch, and taste as you look around? Using the 5 senses can help you set the tone in your home and improve the overall good feelings there.

Cindy's original blog post gives TONS of great ideas here: http://resilientmotherhood.net/how-to-use-the-senses-to-create-a-happy-home-environment/