by Esperanza DeLaLuz
Organizing is what you do before you do something,
~~ A. A. Milne
Let’s start with this premise: Organizing things does not make you a better mom. But it does make it easier to find the Band-Aids, and for me, being ADHD, I am able to be a better mom when I have inner peace; and my personal inner peace is disturbed by chaos. But I know lots of wonderful mothers, including my own, who love and care exquisitely well, in a state of frequent disorder.
That said, I am a passionate organizer. People actually pay me to come organize their kitchen or garage. There are some basic principles to organizing that might be useful to most people to one extent or another, that I thought I might share:
1 Simplify – there are lots of wonderful systems to encourage us to simplify, but most of them boil down to only keeping things that you need, or use, or enjoy. Less stuff means less clutter and less maintenance. But there is also something to be said for having useful backup supplies like food storage, meds, or craft supplies, for preparedness purposes also. But remember, those things are only useful to you if you can find them when a crisis makes them necessary.
2 Contain things – using baskets, boxes, bags, bottles, tubs, cupboards, drawers, etc., This is probably the most important element of organizing. My grandmother used to say “A place for everything, and everything in its place.” My father used to line his top drawer with all kinds of tiny boxes with places for each thing he kept there: watch, coins, keys, etc. So I come by it naturally. But when things are where they belong, my environment is neater, I can find things I need, and I am aware of how much I have and if I have things I can do without.
It is also helpful to use similar sized and shaped things. For example, having all your dishes or food storage containers the same size makes them stack more neatly. This doesn't have to be expensive -- I actually cut the tops off plastic bleach bottles and used them to stack all my round containers of that size inside them, which kept them from falling over.
3 Put like things together – it continually surprises me when I go to help someone clean or organize, how often I find similar things in several different places. Now, it makes sense to have things in different places when you use them in multiple places. I have scissors in every room, for example, and of course, toothpaste in most every bathroom. But keeping things together that are the same, or that are used together makes sense. And subdividing those grouped things, so that each kind of thing has its own place can be very useful. You will notice if it is missing, for one thing, or if you have more than you need.
4 Label your stuff – I am probably too focused on labels, because I am absent-minded, and my labeler is one of my favorite tools. But labeling things helps us remember where they belong. Labels can help you identify what goes where and if it is missing. Most of the time you can do this subtly; you can have specific colors of towels for each bathroom, for example, or other visual cues that identify where things belong without actual labels. But you can also do them in cute ways, with fancy labels that are part of the décor.
My sister pointed out that using pretty baskets to organize my craft supplies was more appealing, more “Feng Shui” than using my labeled assortment of plastic boxes. She was right! So, over the years I picked up lots of fancy baskets at second hand stores. But then I found that they didn’t look good with labels on them. (But it gave me another fun crafting project to make a lot of cute little wooden plaques to attach to the fronts of the baskets.)
When keeping multiples for utility purposes, labeling which set goes where is very useful. For example, I write on those scissors with a permanent marker which room they belong in, so they don’t end up all in one room when I have used them.
5 Store things where they are used – we keep the dishes in the kitchen naturally, but sometimes don’t apply that same idea to other places in our home. Closets, cupboards or drawers are less likely to become catch-alls, if you limit them to containing only things that are useful in that place. Of course, there are things that get used in multiple places. Some people keep multiples like I do with the scissors, others make a specific cabinet or dresser drawer for all those things. I have a “utility dresser” with drawers for simple household tools, tape, batteries, lightbulbs, and other things that everyone needs to get to often. Some people keep a “junk drawer” for things that have no specific place, but this is a poor idea since it gets crammed full of stuff that does not ever get assigned to its own place.
6 List stuff – Keeping a list, in a notebook, on the back of a cupboard, or on a computer, can be very useful, especially with stored supplies. It also helps keep supplies current. If there is a list on the back of the medicine cabinet mirror of what you plan to keep in that cabinet, you might be more likely to notice you are out of Band-Aids. A list of what goes in each cupboard on the back of the door, or a master list of desired food storage items, or a list of where important documents are stored can be very useful. Just make sure you have a specific place to keep the lists!
7 Put things back! – This is probably the hardest part for most people. We are naturally lazy, and we don’t want to get up and put things away all the time. But a basket on the stairs for things that need to go upstairs, or a defined place in each room to set things that don’t belong in that room, can make it easier to go around and put things back. You can also make a game of it for little children. Some younger children actually think it is fun to go put Daddy’s tie in the bedroom for a few raisins! But you can also set up a pattern of going around gathering and putting things back once a day, if you cannot make yourself put things back right away.
8 A few clever helps – everyone has stuff in their house that other people left there. Setting up a basket by the door for these things not only contains them, but also makes it easier to remember to give them back or return them. A box by the garage door for things that need to go out of your home on errands makes it easier to get those errands done and get those things out of your house. Having a specific shelf for your purse, or for school books and back packs, makes finding them much easier.
Drawer dividers, hook racks, extra shelves inside cabinets, and tote bags can be very useful tools. Having a tote specifically to hold smaller things for organizing (tiny boxes, plastic packets, bags, and such) makes it easier to find something to use to contain and organize things. A place to set things when you first come home, such as a table, bench, or shelf keeps things from getting piled up on the floor.
Setting up a specific rack in which to put outgoing and incoming mail, a key rack, a mirror, the family calendar, and a place to leave notes, all by the front door can be very useful. A hook rack for hat, coats, sunglasses, flashlight, umbrellas, tote bags, sunscreen or other things that are often needed as leaving the house is useful, too, especially if it can be near the door.
I hope that these general principles can make your life a little bit easier!
Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing.
~~ Doctrine and Covenants 88:119
By Haley Lachnidt, Momivate's Unique Circumstances CouncilMom
I asked people who identify with the LGBTQ+ community what they wish their families would or wouldn’t have said when they came out, and these were the responses:
“If my parents would have shown a little bit of support it would have made a world of difference. Instead, they took away all of my possessions that made me happy, they bullied and beat me. Now, they can’t understand why I can’t get close to them. I just wanted to be accepted. Now they tell me they don’t believe I’m really bisexual.”
“I wish my mom would have said something, anything at all. I wish my dad would have told me that he still loved me, rather than telling me I was going to fail at every relationship for the rest of my life.”
“I wish they didn’t tell me what I was doing is disgusting.”
“I just wish my sister wouldn’t have said ‘you just left an abusive relationship, you aren’t gay, it’s just a phase,’ not realizing I’ve been gay my whole life. I just hid my sexuality and forced myself to wear a straight mask in order to survive our family. My parents were the only people that didn’t know, and when I finally got the guts to tell them, my mom couldn’t shut up about how my brother is dating ‘a bisexual’ and how disgusted she is by it. I wish I could hear ‘I just want you to be happy, I love you no matter what.’ I know I will never hear that from my family, so I always make sure I say it to my own son.”
“I wish my mom hadn’t acted accepting and then requested I leave my identity at home when she’d invite me over. I wish she had the decency to say what she really wanted to say about it when I came to her the first time, instead of pretending and giving me false hope that I’m still accepted.”
“I wish my father hadn’t said I need therapy and would have accepted me along with all of my friends.”
“I haven’t told my family. I have known I’m gay since I was 11 years old and I have not told anybody. I did try to tell my mom when I first discovered it, and she questioned me like she didn’t believe me or trust in the fact that I know who I am attracted to. She’d go behind my back talking to my friends about how my taste in men has always been feminine men, but she’d also say it was only a phase. She acted accepting to my face, but I could see in her eyes and in the things she’d say behind my back that she didn't mean it. I’ve hinted it towards the rest of my family but I also listen to the things and the slurs they openly say when talking about the LGBTQ community. I don’t think I will ever tell them. I know if I did I wouldn’t have a family anymore, and that’s the loneliest feeling in the world. I just wish I could have a family, even if they don’t understand it, I wish they would just accept me as their family no matter who I love. I wish I didn’t have to feel like a stranger and an outsider in my own family anymore.”
“I wish my dad would’ve started using my chosen name and pronouns. I wish he wouldn’t have made me out to be the bad guy, like me being who I am was causing him pain.”
“I have been lucky. My mom has been absolutely lovely. I actually got this text from her the week after I told her. She had bought a decorative pillow with hearts in the shape of a rainbow and told me ‘bought you something, I love you for who you are.’ She asked some questions that you generally shouldn’t ask, but she gets a pass because I want her to ask me anything if it can help her to understand. She’s supportive, it’s just still new to her. I also got a text from my aunt after I spent a weekend with her and told her I have a girlfriend. She essentially said she will always be the leader of my fan club because I’m her girl, I’m me no matter who I love, and that the whole family will always love me for me, no matter what.”
LGBTQ youth want nothing more than to be loved and accepted by their family. Family is the most important thing no matter who you love or who someone else in your family loves. When anybody, part of the LGBTQ+ community or not, has family on their side, facing the rest of the world becomes a lot easier than it would be without family.
LGBTQ youth face many challenges from the rest of the world. Challenges such as bullying, harassment, discrimination, stalking, and even trouble finding jobs or being allowed to participate in extracurricular activities at school, and the only reason for this hatred is because of who they can’t help but love.
With family on their side, the risks LGBTQ youth face as a consequence of harrassment and discrimination such as self-harm, suicide, mental illness, homelessness, and substance abuse can greatly decrease.
Hate does not counteract love. Love conquers all.
By Annette T. Durfee, Momivate's Cultivate Leader
Have you ever noticed the oddities of life?
...like how the birthday cake you’re making never looks like the one in the picture?
Never mind comparing it to the picture – which is actually a cake made of four layers, so that means you actually have to use TWO cake mixes... but the picture won’t tell you that.
Pay no attention to the fact that the sad crack in your attempt at the cake will NOT stay “glued” together, no matter how much frosting you use to cement it together.
And don’t even notice the huge crumbs that are adhering to the once-white frosting (maybe some sprinkles will hide them!!). Perhaps, you conclude, the sides look better unfrosted anyway!
OR - Does it ever seem that the most meaningful conversation you get to have with your spouse is:
-- at the end of the day,
-- at the bathroom sink
-- while you are foaming at the mouth with an electric toothbrush wildly sputtering, unable in the least to utter a sensible word?
So, you play the game of charades or better yet – an impromptu sign language which you try to decipher without splattering toothpaste blobs on the mirror as you laugh through the hilarity of it all?
OR - Do you find yourself seething at the injustice of finding that there are always at least 3 diapers left in the package that absolutely WILL NOT fit your baby before they transfer to the next size up?
AND - Have you tried to mathematically explain why, with so few people in the family, every single cup in the house gets dirtied – including the measuring cups?
I’m probably not the only one who has had more than her share of Pinterest fails and foibles. But if my Better Crocker skills don’t take the cake at least my attitude will. If you’re like me, and even one of these scenarios rings true for you, this might be a good time to take a look at a happy principle that can help every mother and homemaker: realistic expectations. Yes, with a little reality check, you can take anything that comes with ease.
Did you know that some things are supposed to be imperfect?
Mismatched socks... scuffs on your best running shoes... sticky fingerprints on the fridge door handle... Almost imperceptibly, flabby bellies, burnt toast, and layers of dust just happen. Life happens!
There’s nothing wrong with you. There’s nothing wrong with your family. It is what it is.
And it’s not only OK for it to be this way, it is supposed to be that way!
Take the coffee table for example – an innocent enough piece of furniture wouldn’t you say? But in a house full of children, is it really going to stay a focal piece impressively set with elegant table top décor? Of course not! You and I both know that even the best homes aren’t picture perfect.
We can expect that homes with children have their fair share of crumbs, smelly socks, broken figurines, lost items, scattered toys, ripped pages in books, smears on the sliding glass door, and on and on. It helps when I know that some things will inevitably happen, because it allows me a great deal of sanity for when the unexpected happens and things don’t work out perfectly.
In fact, if you can look at it with a smile in your heart, you might just find it so ludicrous that it provides a moment of laughter that you look back on with fondness.
While mothering my Littles, I frequently found peace of mind through a quote often attributed to Marjorie Pay Hinckley to help me remember that my priorities were just where they should be:
I don’t want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails. I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp. I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbor’s children. I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone’s garden. I want to be there with children’s sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder. I want the Lord to know I was really here, and that I really lived.
Expecting reality doesn’t mean admitting defeat!
I can expect, for example, that my children will make endless messes (and I will too), but that doesn’t stop us from cleaning it up at the appropriate time.
My communication with my spouse may be spotty at times, but that doesn’t mean we neglect our relationship. We regularly and consistently schedule time to be with one another to just TALK (most times without a dental implement in hand).
We are gloriously imperfect in each and every way, but we set goals, and give assignments. And we put our plan into action with a little elbow grease. We do it, remembering the WHY of it all – not to satisfy some plausible guest who never seems to stop by, nor even to catch up to the Jones family (although we admit that they ARE a nice bunch!) - but because we like it that way. In fact, we even enjoy it!
I am enough.
I can be happy without being Pinterest Perfect. While the Internet world of “reality” sometimes creates a facade of perfectly clean homes, the Gerber baby who never cries, and homes decorated to a “T,” I can be happy with what we have and who we are becoming. I may also (heaven forbid) go without some of the niceties of the luxury homes in order to allow myself to spend more time concentrating my efforts more closely on building a strong home and family. We can also give ourselves credit for being creative, even if it means that we make a mess for a while. We are, after all, learning, growing, and developing together. In fact, we are a living, breathing work of art! I suppose the casual passerby may judge me and my efforts (or seemingly lack of them), but that judge won’t be me. I will give myself grace allowing me and my family space to be real humans. We ARE indeed “good enough.” We can have strength and self - confidence to do and be and achieve in real albeit imperfect ways.
By Diana Duke, secretary on Momivate's Team
Starting things and never seeing them to the finish line is a problem that many people are constantly dealing with. Why do so many well-intentioned plans fall short?
There are two things that a person can do to develop perseverance so they'll eventually cross the finish line:
1. set goals and
2. surround yourself with people that will support your dreams.
The chronic dream chaser can increase their chances for success if they build their goal setting skills. According to a Harvard Business study, people are 10 times more likely to succeed when they set goals! Professor Gail Matthews, a psychologist from the Dominican University of California, found that the chances double when goals are written down. Her research shows that those who commit their goal-setting to paper actually achieved more compared to those who were simply asked to think of what they wanted to accomplish in life.
Setting goals can set you on the path of perseverance, but to increase the likelihood of success, you'll need to surround yourself with a support team that will encourage success.
There are many different types of support systems that can help someone succeed. For a student struggling to succeed in math, there are math labs, tutors, on-line support systems and study groups. For an addict trying to overcome substance abuse, there are state agencies, community outreach programs, counselors, and family members that are so very willing to help the addict overcome. Whatever the environment, whatever the dream, there are people who will help you achieve your dreams. So, to persevere and cross the finish line, look for people to support your dreams.
Developing the trait of perseverance will require goal setting and finding support people to help you cross the finish line. Avoid the truth of the adage “a goal without a plan is just a wish” by writing down your goals! Then, find good people that are knowledgeable and want to see you succeed. After all, Walter Elliot said it best:
Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after the other.
by Meagan Waite of My Discovery Destination
I LOVE summer. I love it when the sun comes up early and wakes me. I love flip flops and shorts. I like to be warm (not hot, but warm). I like warm evenings where I can sit outside and talk with friends and family. I do not care for mosquitos (although they LOVE me), but that is what Avon’s Skin So Soft is for. This time of year, the summer, is when I thrive.
Unfortunately, summer can have the opposite effect on school-age children. Two months of reading skills–and if reading skills slip then everything slips–and more than two and a half months of math skills can be lost over the 12-weeks between the end of one school year and the beginning of another. It takes teachers about six weeks to play catchup in the fall. This phenomenon is somewhat- affectionately called the “summer slide,” or summer learning loss. Additionally, there’s the risk of early childhood death during the extended school break–you know it’s imminent when your children say things like, “I’m so bored I’m going to DIE!” The onset of this fatal disease typically occurs in week two of summer vacation.
What is a parent to do?
My Discovery Destination! and the Discovery Family Coalition have the antidote for summer doldrums, and it’s called the Summer Passport Program.
There are well over 100 fun, flexible, FREE Adventures in the main hub that families can do on their own time. There are also mini-hubs for science, arts & crafts, reading and a special PreK hub. Each of the Adventures have the added benefit of keeping kids' bodies active and minds engaged.
Did I mention they are FREE?
They are FREE to families because of generous grants from the Bear River Health Department, the Central Utah Public Health Department, and the Davis County Health Department.
Completing the Summer Passport Program Adventures comes with REWARDS. Families can earn FREE, fun experiences from multiple Family Reward Event Partners in the grant areas, but the biggest rewards are the benefits that come to your family because you are spending time together.
Give your kids a better “shot” at healthy minds and bodies during June, July and August. You cannot hold back the changing of the season. Summer is coming. But, you can avoid the potential retrogression that can accompany it–the Summer Passport Program is the cure.
(Momivate is honored to be part of the Discovery Family Coalition along with My Discovery Destination!)
By Annette T. Durfee, Momivate's Atmosphere CouncilMom
You have waited and waited AND (have I mentioned?) WAITED for this day! Nine months – give or take – and now, couldn’t you just stare hour after hour, at this little bundle of joy? Can you even believe it? Your thoughts have centered around this little one almost every minute of every day. And – phew! After discovering why it’s called “labor!” the baby has (FINALLY) arrived! Way to go Mom!
Having crossed the finish line, the sheer wonder of a new life placed in your arms fills you with anticipation of what lies ahead. Caressing that sweet downy soft head. Kissing each tender tiny toe and marveling as you trace those little eyes, nose, lips, ears. Those mini-fingers wrap their adorable frailty and dependence around your soul.
Wonder and joy sit side by side with the exact opposite: nagging feelings of exhaustion, inexperience, frustration. The discomforts of pregnancy are now replaced by new ones: Cesarean or episiotomy wounds. Sore nipples. Baby blues. Tired… SO tired. As much as we want to enjoy this experience of Mommyhood, we instantly realize that it isn’t going to be a piece of cake!
So please remember to be kind to yourself.
You are a walking miracle maker and now is the time to take good care of you. A time to heal. A time to take it easy. A time to be good to that number one Mommy.
Survival mode - Just as you finish doing the dishes and laundry, another load is calling your name. How is it possible to keep up with the many demands on your time and energy? Remember that at these times, you and your baby’s needs come first. It is clearly time for Survival mode. We’re talking basics here. The goal is not to have a spotless house, but to “love on” your children. If I can get the dishes tidied up once a day, a batch of laundry running, and maybe even a garbage taken out, I feel accomplished. Or better yet, use paper plates and cups. Save the environment later, when you have more time and energy!
Savor the moment - As with each stage in the life of children, I have found over and over again that with a new baby, there are both really hard things and really beautiful things – things that will never happen again: The sound of the newborn cry, the darling startle reflex, peeling skin, the smell of their neck nestled into yours, their first bath, their tiny toes. You may want to jot down notes about firsts, funny things they do, milestones, and your feelings. Capture the moment with frequent snapshots. There will be plenty of time for scrapbooking later if that’s a priority for you, but for now, just share them with friends and family so you can rejoice together!
Sleep - You know the saying, “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!” Sister, it’s so true! The whole world looks like a friendlier place when you are rested. So toss out all the old important TO DOs on your list. Now is the time for a new list, and loving yourself enough to get some sleep is at the top of that list. If there is a choice between getting something done and getting some sleep, choose sleep. I know that this is not easily accomplished. So, for starters, sleep when the baby sleeps. Yes, this is harder to do once you have more than one child, so don’t be shy in asking for help from a friend or family member. Also, with a little know-how and practice, you can train your child to sleep. They’re going to have to learn how to do it on their own sometime anyway. Don’t be that mom that wished she had learned about sleep sooner, but alas, she was too tired! Two excellent resources on this topic are: Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth, M.D. and The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley.
Time away - Let’s face it – Sometimes being a mom is just plain lonely. You spend many quiet hours even in the middle of the night, rocking, feeding, cuddling, soothing. All good things, right? But the overall effect can be draining if you don’t get a little time for yourself. Remember that as much as you love your baby, it is good to “baby” yourself sometimes, Mama! What does that look like? A weekly date night! Time with a friend on the phone or in person. An hour or two for personal time to shower, read, relax, or even take a nap. A walk around the block for a little fresh air and movement. Mommy is a person too and someone has to take time to “mother” her. So schedule in a little time for yourself each day. Think of it as a time to rejuvenate rather than a selfish action, because dear, it is anything but selfish. You will come back energized and excited to spread a little love and sunshine in your children’s lives. And besides that, you are worth it!
By Momivate's Atmosphere CouncilMom, Annette T. Durfee
One of my favorite things to do while growing up was to visit my grandmother’s homes on both sides of my family. I think everyone enjoyed it! I have to mention that while some people have “cookie” Grandmas, I had TWO "ice cream Grandmas!” My Grandma Durrant always had her freezer stocked with a favorite flavor at a moment’s notice. And my Grandma Tenney would let us sit on her back porch and grind the handle of the old-fashioned ice cream maker with a fresh cream mixture until the ice cream was nice and thick! YUM! So, was it the ice cream factor that made my Grandmas' homes such special places to visit? Being the ice cream lover that I am, I confess my answer to that question: “YES!”
But, of course, there was more -- much more!
In fact, everything in my grandmothers' homes spoke in a special way to my heart:
Don’t we all want that kind of a home? A home filled with warmth and love! Happily, it is something we can all achieve with work, creativity, time, and a whole lot of help from above! One song that describes this loving ambiance we want in our homes is called, “Home,” written by Caroline Eyring Miner:
Home is where the heart is
Where warmth and love abound
Home is where encircling arms
Go all the way around.
--by Caroline Eyring Miner
A home, as we all know, is more than just the furniture and the stuff we own. It is made up of the people who live there – our family! Therefore, in order for a home to have that ambiance of love that we desire, one of the most important things we can do is to prioritize our time to strengthen our relationships with our families.
In families, love is spelled T-I-M-E.
Time spent with our families is a true investment that pays long term dividends. When we spend time with our family, we increase our family’s capacity to feel loved and secure in our home. What we are really saying is, “I have time for you. You are important to me.” Time spent with family doesn’t have to be expensive to be effective, but both quantity as well as quality are important and consistency is key.
How do YOU spell love with your family? What message are you sending with the events on your calendar? Here are a few ways that strong families send their families a little love note to pump up the love-meter in their homes:
1. Set aside a weekly family night – What could be better than a time reserved just for your family each week where you all have a blast together?! Start out with one and build up to planning out a few at a time. Keep it simple or spruce it up. Just make it a night that the whole family looks forward to! It’s a great time to teach your family values as well as life skills. Play games and activities or go on outings! Maybe even work on a project together once in a while! And always – I mean ALWAYS - include a special treat!
2. Set aside a weekly family planning meeting – This is a great time to calendar events, share goals and dreams, and express ideas that will strengthen your family and leave everyone feeling calm and reassured. What can you do to assist them? How can they in turn help the family run more smoothly? You can do this as part of your weekly family night or at dinner. Just find whatever time works best for your family.
3. Individual Attention – One-on-one time with your children can be an effective way to connect with them even if it’s only a few minutes a day. Maybe you do this as you prepare dinner together, go on a short outing, run an errand together, or enjoy a special bedtime routine. Letting them talk about whatever is on their mind and really listening to them without judgment or criticism will help them to feel important and loved.
4. Unplug – In a world that is running at breakneck speed, we don’t want our families to get lost in the shuffle. So be sure to take a little time each day AWAY from phones, computers, television, and so on, not only to benefit yourself, but so that the whole family can really connect. This electronic free time becomes your chance to look each other in the eyes, talk together, laugh together and learn from one another, so don’t let it pass you by!
5. Eat meals together - Even if you can’t do it for every meal of every single day, do what you can to regularly schedule this important time together. Making it a priority to eat together blesses our families tremendously! Children whose families eat together not only develop healthier eating patterns and have better health, but they have a better vocabulary and academic performance, a higher self-esteem, a greater sense of reliance, and a lower risk of depression, substance abuse, and teen pregnancy.
6. Make and keep family traditions – Silly or special, extensive or simple, taking time to infuse family traditions lights a spark of joy and love in families. Some families have a song or a cheer. Some gather for a family prayer and group hug before heading out the door each morning. Some explore a special place each year. It really doesn’t matter what the tradition is, only that you do it and remember to keep doing it. Whether it’s as simple as having green eggs and ham on St. Patrick’s Day, strawberry pancake stacks on Valentine’s, or a treasure hunt on birthdays to find the presents, traditions not only give children something fun to look forward to, but help them to feel emotionally supported.
My grandmothers always had time for their family. They could have done a million other things, but instead they chose us. They turned on the love-meter in their homes by including us in their lives - teaching us how to do ceramics, raking the leaves together, playing a game of cards, going for a walk together to the post office. The ambiance in their homes was more than just physical surroundings, although that was certainly part of it. By opening up their calendars, what they were doing in essence was allowing us the time to open up our hearts to them, time with which they could then use to share their powerful influence for good. Now that’s what I call time well spent!
Written by Esperanza DeLaLuz
As the oldest daughter in a large family, with a mother that was absolutely devoted to her calling as a mother, I was blessed to feel fairly comfortable when I began to have children of my own. I’d had many opportunities to practice nurturing skills at home with my younger siblings, and my mother often talked to me about her philosophy of mothering and her great joy in it. I wanted nothing so much as to be a mother myself.
As an adult, I continued my education in the social work field, and raised my own family. Eventually, I also became a foster parent. This awesome opportunity is not for the faint-hearted. It can be very demanding and very frustrating. It is your “job” to mother the foster child in a way they likely have never actually experienced, and yet do nothing to interfere with the ability of the child to bond with the natural parents should they become able to once again take up the role of full-time parent. It is a fine line to walk and too many foster parents resign themselves to the role of caretaker and do not try to assume the role of a parent, because it is just too difficult to truly mother a child that you may lose at any time. I do understand this, but for me it was never possible to do it that way.
It is easier to do if one recognizes that “mother” need not be an exclusive role in a child’s life. In fact, studies have shown that the more positive and loving adult influences in a child’s life, the higher the likelihood of their own happiness and success in life. Therefore, a foster mother is a “second” mother, not the primary mother, but can have an effect that may be far ranging later in life. One foster mother told me, “You have to consider that if they graduate from high school, and they are not in jail, or on drugs . . you won!" The foster mother may never actually know the positive influence, but once in a great while one hears of child who remembered something of what they experienced in your home and it helped them.
Awhile back, a former foster child called and told me that she had gotten caught up in drugs and that when she hit rock bottom and wanted a lifeline to change she went to a local church (not my particular church) to find a God-fearing family that would help her straighten out. She stuck to it with them, and their pastor, and ended up off drugs, happily married, with two children. That was when she called to tell me that it was because she had lived with us (for only six months) that she knew the kind of place to go to get help to straighten out her life. It felt really good.
The influence of a mother in the lives of her children is beyond calculation.
-- James E. Faust
Written by Esperanza DeLaLuz
Your greatest contribution to the world may not be in what you do, but someone you raise.
-- Andy Stanley
Sometimes the things about being a mother that are the most meaningful to you are not the things you would expect. Cards, gifts, and messages of appreciation, are wonderful and meaningful, no question. But some of the things that have meant the most to me are the late-night calls where a child calls to tell you something….
They have lost their job; the market has gone soft; and they are at risk of losing their home. Your heart breaks because you aren’t in a position to offer much financial help, and then your child says, “But we’ll get through it, Mom. We bought a giant bag of beans, and another bag of rice. We had some food set aside. Thank you for teaching me how to live poor.” Who knew that all those years we struggled to get by would be a blessing to our child?
A child called to tell me of her struggles with a child with behavioral issues, as a result of special needs, who is doing so poorly that the school is wanting to do something to make life easier for themselves, a thing which is not in the best interest of her child. Again, my heart ached, because there was not a lot I could do for her, besides listen and be supportive. They live very far away and its such a complicated process to resolve this kind of thing. Then she says, “But I knew what to do, Mom; I took him to be assessed, and then I told them they need to get him an IEP, and I told them I know they have to do something better.” I said, “Wow, how did you know how to do those things?” She told me she had watched and listened as we worked with her foster brother, and so she remembered what to do.
A child who had been struggling to find a good way to live, decided to go into the military to help build a better life. The call in the late night told of the challenges of boot camp, the demanding discipline, the hard work and myriad mundane tasks. BUT, assigned to clean bathrooms with another recruit, who was clueless and lazy, our child shone, having been taught to do chores (however reluctantly those lessons were endured.) The child who, as a child, threw tantrums over having to do the dishes said to me, “Thank you, Mom, for teaching me to work.” I was thrilled (and floored!)
Who would have thought?
Ericka Moore, Momivate's Energy CouncilMom, provided this recipe! (Note: my twelve-year old son will eat kale like this!)
Baked Kale Chips
1-2 bunches of kale
1 tablespoon of olive oil
1 tablespoon of nutritional yeast
Sprinkle of salt
Set oven to 350 degrees
Wash and dry kale. Cut into bite sized pieces
Toss with olive oil, nutritional yeast and salt
Spread onto baking sheet lined with parchment paper
Place into oven for 10 minutes
If kale is not as crispy as you like, place back into the oven for 2-5 minute increments until crispy. Kale may appear brown when crispy.
By Annette T. Durfee, Momivate's Atmosphere CouncilMom
They all do it. You know - that thing that drives you up a wall! No matter the age of your child and in spite of your best efforts, they inherently know exactly what button to push to get us to react. And it seems that the more we push for them to stop it, the more they pull back until the tug of war has escalated and within seconds, the sense of peace and beauty that we so desire in our homes is ruined. So what do we do? How can we conquer this frustrating behavior that frays at our nerves, fuels our frustration, and tests the limits of our patience?
Here are a few ideas that I have found helpful.
1. Take a break.
Take a few steps back. Retreat into my room for a few minutes – ALONE. Breathe! Regroup. Punch a pillow if it helps! Timeout for Mommy is not only healthy, but a sanity saver! As you remove your presence from the child they also get a chance to recover and try again. And while I take a break, I do what my knees were made for – I PRAY! When mothering moments go awry, I need help from a higher power. For me, this is God. I have found that He is always there – never too busy for me, never burdened by yet another plea for help. I pour out my heart with my worry, frustration, anger, and then, I LISTEN.
Sometimes I get an idea – I can see how I could have prevented the situation or how I could react in a better way next time or something simple I could do to help my child. It may not be the entire solution to the problem, but it is enough to get me headed back in the right direction. And as I implement that God-given idea, I regain confidence and my child and I regain a positive momentum. Other times after prayer, I am left with a simple yet reassuring sense of peace: I can handle this. I’ve got what it takes. I am a good mother. And other times, the answers aren't immediate but come along the way as God, my Father in Heaven goes behind-the-scenes with me and adds to my efforts.
2. Become curious.
Ask, “Why?” Why is my child behaving this way? What could he or she be feeling right now? What things are going on in this stage of their life that could cause this? Is there a little sibling rivalry going on? Is there a new baby that is diverting my attention? Perhaps something going on at school? I wonder: what is hard for them? How do they feel about themselves right now? Is there something I could do or say that would help to redirect their attention to something positive? When we become curious, we open up the door to the possible feelings of our children and we become more compassionate, empathetic, more loving. We can even help them to feel supported by helping them voice their own feelings. “Are you feeling sad, frustrated, lonely? How can I help?”
3. Model the behavior you want to see.
As hard as it may be to believe, it just may be that your child has not thought of a better way of doing things, even despite perpetual broken-record pleas from you. They may be in need of a consistent example to follow. Let’s say that your child has developed a habit of running through the house screaming. Although it may make you feel like pulling your hair out and yelling back, muster the mentality to smile and speak with a calm and quiet voice instead. “Let’s use our inside voices.” The important people in our children’s lives are like great big mirrors. What our children see in us, we will also eventually see in them. So, let’s be the best mirrors we can be accompanied with a smile, a hug, and a kiss.
Whatever we give our children attention for they will repeat. We already know that our children do the things that drive us bonkers often to get attention. So why not turn it around and use this to our advantage? Rather than handing out negative attention, we could choose to focus on those things that we want to continue and offer praise when we see them. For example, when I wish that the children would not fight and argue, I notice and thank the child at a time when they are being a peacemaker. “I love it when . . .” You fill in the blanks. My mom did this for me once in a simple way that stuck with me. One day she gave me a Mr. Goodbar candy bar with the explanation, “because you’re so good.” I didn’t know about shaping then, but every time I remembered that tasty treat, along with her other caring words and deeds, I felt like I was good and I tried to prove her correct!
5. Realize that we are not meant to control others.
I think I all too often learned this lesson the hard way, scraping the heels of my feet as I skidded along the road of hard-won control. As I struggled to learn a better way, I reflected often on a quintessential quote that I pinned on my Value Board:
“Never let a problem to be solved, become more important than a person to be loved.”
-- Thomas S. Monson
Such a beautiful reminder! This thought helped me to remember that the little people in my life were not bad, they were learning, just like I was learning how to mother with love.
Our children will inevitably do things that we do not approve of and this is not, I repeat NOT an indicator that we have failed as parents. And while that means that at times we need to discipline, we can leave out the empty threats, arguing, bribery, fighting.
Yes, our mission is not to control, but to teach, to influence, set an example, and - the best part of all - love them like crazy!
By Meagan Waite of the Discovery Family Coalition
The first day of April is known around the world as April Fool’s Day. While no one can pinpoint the origin with exact accuracy, it is widely accepted globally that this is the day to try to “pull one over” (within reason, of course!) on your friends, family members, and coworkers. Virtuous, clean pranks can be amusing for everyone, and we are all about having a good time!
But April also has a serious side. Did you know it’s also Family Strengthening (a.k.a. Child Abuse Prevention) Month? Strong families are an important protective factor to prevent child abuse. Spending quality time as a family plays an important role in child abuse prevention because it promotes family bonding and attachment.
My Discovery Destination! is working with the Utah Department of Human Services Office of Child and Family Services to collaborate on a special Discovery Hunt to honor the month. You can find it by downloading the Goosechase App and entering code 'FAMILIES'. We invite you to party with us.
Speaking of fun, we suggest you use silly days–and there is no shortage of silly days on a calendar, believe me–to pull your family close, laugh together, and strengthen the bonds that act as a protective shield against risky behaviors and poor choices due to physiological disorders like depression and anxiety.
Any way you want to, just make sure you include everybody in the planning, execution, and clean up, if your event necessitates it. It really doesn’t matter what you do to celebrate. What is significant is the fact that you are spending quality time with your family and letting your children know they belong. And if your children belong to your family unit, they won’t feel the need to fit in somewhere else.
Because building resilient kids is nothing to joke about.
By Momivate's Atmosphere CouncilMom, Annette T. Durfee
All is well! All is well! Or so we thought! Our oldest son had a GREAT idea: let's test our family’s preparedness level by holding a drill, evacuating from our home! So, without telling anyone about it (except for me), we gathered for our weekly Family Night, and he announced: We had 5 minutes to get whatever we needed and off we would go in the Durfeemobile to our designated meeting spot for further evaluation. No problem, I thought. Surely we know what to do. Easy peasy! Except that the kids had their own ideas on what was important . . .
While I was finding my phone and purse, my four-year-old son went directly to the pantry to get a large can of “fruit cottontail” (as he called it) -- then he dropped it on his toe, causing squeals of pain. Instead of spearheading our evacuation, I ran to give comfort and administer first aid to his bleeding wound. Four minutes later, I rounded the corner to find that our two-year-old had dumped his Halloween candy onto the floor in order to find the best pieces to take. I'm not kidding!
I hurriedly shoved some shoes onto his feet and grabbed our coats as the girls came barreling down the stairs with a laundry basket full of ... their stuffed animals. Really! I just about lost it, but time was up, so we all piled in the car. Once we arrived at the church, we laughed hysterically as we surveyed the load in our car. Thankfully, my husband and oldest son had managed to heave our 72-hour kits and a few jugs of water into the car, so we could have survived, but we knew that there were some things lacking in our emergency preparedness mindset that we needed to remedy.
If you’re like our family, you try to surge through life hoping for the best, but often find that accidents are just so, well, accidental! Life as we know is full of bumps: flat tires, injury, job loss, sickness, death, and natural disasters can sneak up on us without warning. I want to be ready, how about you?
When the time for an emergency arrives, the time for preparation is past. So let's head off the stress and panic that can come at the moment of an emergency by deciding now to be prepared? With a few guiding principles and a little time educating ourselves and planning well, we can create safe places for our families no matter the storm. So buckle your seat belt folks, ‘cuz ready or not, here we come!
1. Start small. Start today. There are about a billion ways we could begin, and endless resources, but don’t let that stop you! Don’t wait until you have a lot of $ saved up. Don’t wait for a better time! This is no time to be a victim of all or nothing thinking. Keep it small. Keep it simple. Your ideas are the right ones for your family. Gather a few items together that you already have and build from there.
2. Anticipate needs and make a plan with your family. Mr. Fred Rogers said, “Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.” Likewise, as we talk about and plan for emergencies, they become less scary and we can help our families become emotionally resilient.
What disasters are prevalent in our area?
What might happen?
What do we do if . . .?
What needs could arise in each instance?
What would be helpful then?
What insurance do we need?
How will we communicate during an emergency?
Do the children know their phone number?
Who could be our out-of-town emergency contact?
What needs would our baby have? An elderly friend or parent? Pets?
When will we practice our plan?
By anticipating our families’ needs, we create more options and access to lifesaving supplies that would otherwise be in short supply at the time of a crisis.
(See also, “Helping Children Cope With Disaster,” https://www.fema.gov/pdf/library/children.pdf)
“Family Emergency Planning,” https://www.ready.gov/kids/family-emergency-planning
3. Have the good sense to save some cents! I like Benjamin Franklin’s adage, “Watch the pennies and the dollars will take care of themselves.” Since we never know when an emergency will pop up, it makes sense to have a little extra money in our savings. My husband and I were students for the first ten years of our marriage, so we learned early on the value of buying what we really needed and saving up for a rainy day. I’ll admit that sometimes I felt sorry for myself for not being able to buy some of the things on our want list, but as we continued to set aside a small (and I mean small) amount each month, it eventually added up. During those months when he didn’t get paid, we could pay ourselves - a true investment!
(See also, “One for the Money,” Elder Marvin J. Ashton, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2007/09/one-for-the-money?lang=eng
4. Home Safe Home: Because many accidents can begin in the home, it is important to make our homes a place of safety. Again, good ole Benjamin Franklin provides the answer: “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” So the first step in having a home that is secure is to prevent a problem in the first place. Let’s start increasing our awareness of our home environment by taking a quick survey of our homes:
What possible hazards do you identify?
What can we do to prevent slips and falls?
Drowning, suffocation, and strangulation?
Fires and burns?
Medications and poisons locked away? Check!
Batteries for smoke alarm tested? Check!
Fire extinguisher within reach? Check!
What other preventative measures can you think of to reduce the risks and avert the booby traps in your home?
(See also, “Safe Kids Worldwide,” https://www.safekids.org/
“A Guide to Home Safety: Identifying and Preventing Hazards,” https://www.safehome.org/resources/home-hazards/
5. Having supplies, water, and food puts you in a good mood! With a little planning and occasional rotation, you can have lifesaving items ready for use right in the safety of your own home. And when hungry tummies come calling, you’ll be so glad that you’re ready! I found that by stocking up on basic items when they were on sale, we were able to build up our supply to a reasonable amount over time.
An easy place to start is to ask questions like these:
Water, as you know, is also important, not only when we’re thirsty, but to aid in food preparation, hygiene, and sanitation. And so, my friends, we ask the hard question, “what will we do if we can’t get clean water out of our faucet?” When the apartment of one of my daughters had to turn off the water for three days, she and her husband were well taken care of, having stored water ahead of time in juice and soda bottles that they had rinsed out and refilled. What could you do to prepare for such a time?
If we are truly going to be prepared at home, let’s not forget other necessities:
Is our first aid kit updated?
Do we all know where the flashlight is and do we have extra batteries?
Do I have a secret stash of cash on hand (in small bills)?
And do we have blankets and warm clothing in case the power is out and we have to dress more warmly?
Now there are a few sanity savers right there! And last but not least, may I mention that having some extra supplies in the cupboard such as deodorant, hand soap, toothpaste, dish soap, laundry detergent, feminine products and -- of course -- toilet paper (boy do we all know this!!) will go a long way in keeping this mama happy!
(See also, “Food and Water in an Emergency,” https://www.fema.gov/pdf/library/f&web.pdf)
“What’s That Smell: Sanitation When Systems Fail.”
6. On the Road Again: Because we are in our cars so much of the time, we would be wise to doublecheck that we are taking precautions to ensure that our family is safe there as well:
As part of our preparation, we might even include a little refresher course on a few things like how to change a flat or how to USE those jumper cables. I’m sure you can think of other things. Most of these safety measures only take a few seconds, but in the long run, you’ll thank yourself and your family will too.
(See also National Safety Council - https://www.nsc.org/road/safety-topics/child-passenger-safety/child-passenger-safety-home
7. Emergency Evacuation: In the event that you need to leave your home, what would be a good gathering spot for your family? Where will you meet if all of you are not home when the need to leave arises? As our family found out, in a moment of panic, it is easy for our minds to forget what things we need to have. To remedy this, we wrote up a list of our Top 10 items that we should grab in case of an evacuation and posted them on a paper by the garage door:
1. 72 Hour Kits
3. Important Papers binder
4. Cell phone/charger
6. Shoes and coat
8. Family Photos
10. Laptop Computer
My daughter, now a grown mother, has created a very nice detailed list prioritizing their list of items as determined by whether they have 5, 10, or 15 minutes to leave and stating where in the house the items are located.
What would be some things that are important to you in case your family had to leave your home?
Will planning and preparing make a difference? Well . . .When our family lived in Illinois, we often had tornados raging through our area. To help us to be ready for a possible disaster, we assembled 72-hour kits that we safely stored in the closet underneath the staircase with simple items such as a change of clothes, snacks, water, a battery powered radio, a flashlight, and books and small toys for the children. When the tornado sirens would go off, we knew the drill: we would gather the kiddos and go into the closet until the storm had passed.
Imagine our surprise when one day our son prayed that we could have another tornado! GASP! That’s going a bit far, wouldn’t you say? When we asked him why on earth he had said that, he replied that he wanted to play in the closet. It was fun! Well, at least he felt safe and we as his parents had greater peace of mind, knowing we had done what we could. We were ready!
By Meagan Waite from the Discovery Family Coalition
Dr. Seuss, the beloved children’s author, wrote “Green Eggs and Ham” on a bet. The co-founder of Random House Publishing, Mr. Bennett Cerf, wagered that Seuss couldn’t write a book that had fewer than 50 unique words. Seuss won 50 bucks, and we have a piece of literary art with which one cannot help but rhyme along.
If you haven’t read it, you should. It can get you thinking about the relationship between what you believe and what you experience. It can encourage you to think outside the box (no would-nots, could-nots for you!) and try new things. It can give you courage to show resilience in the face of challenges, opposition, and adversity.
Yes, reading can do that for you.
March is National Reading Month. It has been designated as such in honor of Dr. Seuss’ birthday, March 2. My Discovery Destination! is celebrating. How? With a Discovery Hunt, of course! In fact, we bet YOU that you are going to love this Hunt, and we dare you to try and prove us wrong.
Oh the places you’ll go! It’s easy! Download the GooseChase app and search for the Hunt with the name “Oh The Places You’ll Go” (named in honor of Dr. Seuss, as is this article) or with the game code “SEUSS”. You are going to want to get started right away. The Hunt is full of Adventures that are educational. They are fun. And they have the ability to strengthen your family and build resilience in your children.
Yes, Discovery Hunts can do that for you.
By Momivate's Atmosphere CouncilMom, Annette T. Durfee
Snuggled up in my arms, my little grandson stares up at me with his big beautiful innocent eyes. Together we rock back and forth in the overstuffed chair singing song after song and I’m convinced that I love him more every second! As I sing, my mind wanders back to yesteryear when my babies were tiny and I sang song after song to them – hoping to relax them and hush their sleepytime fears. Hoping to instill in them the things I knew were true. Hoping to fill their hearts with the love that I had for them.
It’s amazing how magical music can be! Music has a way of touching our hearts and filling our memories with the best things of life.
Music was at the heart of the home I grew up in, so naturally, as an adult, I shared it with my children. We sang lilting lullabies and fun children’s sing-along recordings. We also offered xylophones, harmonicas, recorders, and rhythm instruments for the little ones to explore creating their own sounds.
As a classical musician, I knew the benefits of classical music: an increased learning capacity, creativity, and self-esteem, to name only a few. Knowing that our children weren’t going to grow up on a farm (like my parents did), we still wanted to teach them hard work, patience, and discipline. We decided to instill these values through formal music lessons! Thus, we became the beneficiaries of practice sessions, morning-noon-and-night! We eagerly attended recitals and concerts galore! Music sweetly and simply lent a soothing atmosphere to our home and even our car, as we traveled to and fro.
Music became a parenting friend that would quiet the mayhem of the moment. When life became a little hairy and scary and the decibel level was a little too high, I would nonchalantly pop in a CD of classical music or church hymns (my secret weapons!) and - voila! - an essence of calm and peace would descend! Soon, things would settle down.
With a house full of rambunctious kiddos, we found that with a little creativity, there seemed to be a song for every situation that could gently persuade, teach, or motivate. Songs to make diaper changes more pleasant, songs to make hair washing less scary, songs to help children cooperate when it was time to brush their teeth. Sometimes songs distracted us from the mundane and helped to pass the time while we did the dishes or other chores. At bedtime, songs even helped us march up to bed in a happy way! We became a train connecting arms at the shoulders and chugging up the stairs singing, “Choo choo choo, what’s coming down the track?” The person in the lead would “pull the whistle” and up we went.
Music was an unseen friend that added joy and spontaneity to our lives at just the right time! Sometimes the music was a toe – tapping “Turkey in the Straw” for a Thanksgiving program! Or the girls would make up choreography to a whimsical children’s song, their fancy dresses swirling in a wide circle. Sometimes a child surprised us with an unsolicited solo of a kindergarten-melody as they stood atop a make-shift stage (aka a chair in the dining room). And impromptu Family Talent Shows gave us rousing marches, emphasized by mini flags in the front room!
With littles on the loose, life is more pleasant with a song in your heart. In your home or on the go, music has the power to create a sort of a haven that smooths the creases of chaos and lifts the spirit. So, whether your family chooses to learn an instrument or two, sing at top volume in the shower, or pop in a favorite CD, music is the power to make any moment a happy one!
By Elizabeth, last name withheld for privacy of family
Fructose is a sugar that is found in fruit and gives it its sweetness. It is also found in table sugar (sucrose) and is one of the leading industrial sweeteners in the form of high-fructose corn syrup. Fructose is very sweet and makes many foods more appealing. Many baby formulas use fructose as a sweetener to make the formula more appealing and to increase caloric content which is essential for babies. But there are some babies, about 1 in 20,000, for whom fructose is a deadly poison. These infants cannot process fructose in their livers and it causes severe liver damage.
About six months ago we almost lost our 6-month old grandbaby. Her mom had started to wean her, and was supplementing with formula. By the time symptoms developed to get her to the doctor’s office, her liver was so damaged that the doctors were saying she would likely need a liver transplant to survive. They immediately switched back to only breast milk, but had to get other mothers to contribute, since her own mom no longer had enough. Fortunately, we were blessed to have what the doctors called an actual “miracle recovery” and she is fine now, just cannot have any fructose, possibly ever. Her mom now calls her a “keto baby.”
But in the interim I learned a lot about fructose. Most commercial baby formulas have some form of fructose . . . usually as high fructose corn syrup solids, but regular table sugar, which is comprised of fructose and glucose, also has fructose in it. Most babies will not suffer critical issues, as did my granddaughter, but many sources believe that early exposure to sugar and fructose may predispose babies to other health risks such as obesity, fatty liver disease, diabetes etc. Our granddaughter’s doctor told us that the livers of most babies do not process fructose very well for the first year of their lives.
Fructose is a 6-carbon monosaccharide (single sugar molecule) much like glucose and galactose. Our bodies run primarily on glucose, and it is the job of the liver to turn other sugar forms into glucose. When the liver cannot do that, the fructose might build up in the liver and cause damage.
Fortunately, there are some formulas that do not have sugar or fructose in them. Many of these are made in Europe and use lactose, a milk sugar, for sweetening, which is the same kind of sugar in breast milk.Just because a formula says organic, doesn’t mean it has no fructose or sucrose in it. Some of the ones with no fructose or sucrose are made by these are Holle, Hipp and Bobbie. There are probably others as well. And not all babies have serious problems processing fructose.
So if you are looking for a formula for your baby, consider using the formulas which do not use fructose or sucrose in them, if you want to be on the safe side.
Emory Health Sciences. "Sugars in infant formulas pose risk to babies with inherited metabolic disorder: Acute liver failure caused by hereditary fructose intolerance." ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 17 May 2018.
Hong Li, Heather M. Byers, et al. Acute liver failure in neonates with undiagnosed hereditary
fructose intolerance due to exposure from widely available infant formulas. Molecular Genetics and Metabolism, 2018; 123 (4): 428
By Momivate's Unique Circumstances CouncilMom, Diana Duke
What do you think of when you hear the word “caterpillar?”
I can’t help but think of this enormous overwhelming sense of potential that it represents, because I instantly think “butterfly” too. However, this beautiful butterfly is not created overnight. It takes time, patience, energy. It takes growth in all ways, in all shapes, and in lots of sizes. Each caterpillar enters into its own protective home, and awaits its transformation.
For me, motherhood has, at times, left me feeling quite like a caterpillar. Being a mom is the thing that adds any butterfly into my life at all. It helps me see my potential, and shows me the beauty within myself. Sometimes that beautiful part emerges and I remember the good in me.
Aren't we each a work in progress? Aren't we all transforming into greater and better versions of ourselves? It is so easy to grow impatient as we change and prepare to spread our wings. We have to trust in ourselves; trust in the “progress” part of “work in progress.” It is okay if you still feel like a caterpillar—as long as you remember you are continually transforming into something fabulous.
By Esperanza DeLaLuz
Being a mother is a thing which changes you forever. Once you make that commitment to a child, it’s the child’s well-being, growth, and happiness that is the most important thing in your world. You’ll go without sleep, go hungry, clean up disgusting substances, labor for hours to create the perfect event or costume, and spend hours and hours repeating activities that would otherwise be incredibly boring.
Recently I found myself playing 27 games of Candyland in a row because my 5-year-old granddaughter loves that game and can play it competently. I don’t like Candyland, but I love the excitement on her face when she makes a good move, or the exuberant thrill when she wins. Even the sadness when she has to go backwards is just adorable!
Do you know the history of Candyland? An article in the Atlantic recently described it! During the Polio era, before vaccines, there were lots of very young children in hospitals and they were very bored, lonely and unhappy. But many of them were too young to read and unable to play games without adult involvement.
In 1948, a retired schoolteacher named Eleanor Abbott decided to create a board game that could become a distraction for very young patients. The outbreak had forced children into extremely restrictive environments. Concerned with the spread of polio, parents kept their children indoors, and children were frustrated. Games like Candy Land became an ideal way to keep them occupied.
Children who had contracted polio were isolated, physically weak and often confined by equipment. Candy land was designed to let young children play by themselves. As long as the child can count to 2 and match colors the child can play. Candy Land offered the children confined in hospitals welcome distraction—but it also gave immobilized patients a liberating fantasy of movement. The joy of movement, especially for polio patients, seems to have been integral to Abbott’s design philosophy from the start. The original board even depicts the tentative steps of a boy in a leg brace!
The game teaches pattern recognition and following instructions. It shows children how to play together—how to win humbly or lose graciously. The game is designed to be outgrown. As soon as a child realizes that there is nothing that, they can do to alter the course of the game, they begin to desire more challenging entertainments. But there will always be young children who need a game that they can play, and Moms and Nannas who will play 27 games in a row for the pure joy of watching a child play.
READ the whole history here: https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2019/07/how-polio-inspired-the-creation-of-candy-land/594424/
By Momivate's Cultivate Leader, Ericka Moore
February is American Heart Awareness month. The CDC and American Heart Association websites contain important, thorough information on ways to prevent heart disease. Listed below are some helpful tips for a healthy heart:
By Esperanza DeLaLuz
I have been thinking about two quotes lately. The first, by E. M Forster, says, “I am sure that if the mothers of various nations could meet, there would be no more wars.” It could be true. . . . If mothers could put nations on time-out, we would have a different world.
But then, dedicated mothers are usually too busy to be running the world.
Poet William Ross Wallace discussed the same theme when he said, “The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.” To me this is the heart of the matter. Women who raise children who will seek peace, serve others, be positive and productive citizens of their countries and the world, can have an amazing and vast influence on the world scene. They deserve to be lauded, supported, encouraged.
But there has been a trend in the world to minimize the value of choosing to be a mother. Nowadays, motherhood is often seen as an adjunct—something less important than a paying job outside the home; something a woman does once the “real” work of life is well established and she can now afford to indulge in the luxury of taking time to have a child. By some of the prevailing philosophies, women who choose to spend most of their time as “only” mothers are not given the respect they deserve.
When I was a young mother, I went shopping one day with several little children in tow. Someone commented about how many children I had and how little I was contributing to the betterment of the world. (This was during the time when “zero population” was being popularized and politicized). It did hurt, but I said to that person, “My life work is to create and raise several people who will grow up and be contributing members of society, who will work to support themselves, serve others, obey laws, vote, and be productive members of society. What could anyone contribute more?”
And, you know, that person just clammed up and walked away.
I may not rule a nation, but I can teach my children how to govern themselves, and that is a priceless gift to the world.
By Esperanza DeLaLuz
I hate to hear someone say that! Mothers do the most important job on earth when they raise healthy, happy, productive children. Abraham Lincoln, our great president, said, “All that I am, or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.”
What not everyone knows is that the angel mother to whom he refers is actually his stepmother. His birth mother died when he was nine and, the following year, his father remarried. Sarah had children of her own, yet she was a loving and devoted mother to all of the children, and she especially nurtured Abraham in his desire to learn and read.
This is a comforting thought to those of us who are stepmothers, aunts, foster moms, and grandmothers, or who are in other positions of nurturing. The task of mothering is not only the province of those who give birth. To “mother”—which is defined as “to look after kindly and protectively”—is incredibly demanding, and just as incredibly—and critically—important. To mother is a noble task and those who participate in it, to any extent, are doing a great and valuable work.
However, in the midst of diapers, tantrums, mischief, and defiance, it may be a challenge to feel that one is engaged in a noble task. Often it feels like we are in “survival mode.” Roseann Barr once joked that if her children were alive at the end of the day, she had done her job as a mother.
I know for every mother there are days which feel like that. On those days, it can help to remember Abraham Lincoln’s feelings about his “angel mother,” and recognize that someday it may be your influence that sways the world.
The next time you are deciding whether to scrub the crayon mural off the wall or frame it, remember Sarah Bush Johnston Lincoln, and mother on!
By Momivate's "Atmosphere" CouncilMom, Annette T. Durfee
UGH! The dishes aren't done (again!), the laundry is ludicrous, and you sit defeated on the couch. You have a mile long list of things to do, but honestly, the motivation to do it just isn’t bubbling to the surface!
Do you ever feel like that? I surely have. And perhaps it’s because I’ve felt like this SO often that I have developed a list of go-to-strategies to help me bite the bullet and turn miserable mayhem into magical motivation.
I thought I’d share a few that have helped me, in hopes that they will help you too!
1. Make it fun! Maybe I’m just a kid at heart, because although I know I could just power through and get the job done, a big part of me says, “why not make it fun?” This is where your creativity comes into play and the sky's the limit, ladies! What would make this task A LOT of fun for you? Turning on the music and dancing while you go at it? (Yes, even if your children laugh at you!) Listening to a podcast while you work away? Or how about making it into a game? A few other ideas: I purposely buy my favorite scents for cleaning so I can relish the process more. And I’ve been known to let my mind wander as I work while planning a fun family frolic for the future.
2. Better with a buddy – Whether this is your husband, a child, or a really good friend, sometimes it is just easier as well as a lot more fun to tackle the work or a project with a friend in tow. While they help to shoulder the burden, you both enjoy conversation and even a few good laughs. Not only do you get something done that needs doing, but somehow, it seems less of a chore. And of course, the added bonus is that you simultaneously build a stronger relationship. When all is said and done, remember that turn around is fair play - you can offer to help them with what they need as well!
3. Set the timer – Sometimes the main problem is that I am overwhelmed. Have you been there? It just seems like there is too much to do, and where in the world do I start? So, instead of procrastinating, I tell myself, “I will only work for ten minutes at top speed, and then, if I feel like it, I can stop.” And sometimes I do just that and I honestly feel better because the task at hand is now significantly smaller and easier for the next time I have to face it. Other times, however, just rolling up my sleeves and really digging in produces momentum and my motivation soars. (Super Mom powers activate!) I find my mind actually enjoying the process and I don’t want to stop!
4. Reward yourself – I know that some people might look at this as “bribery,” but somehow, I don’t mind doing something if I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel: What sounds inspiring to you? bubble bath? a short nap? a few minutes with a good book? Or maybe a little snuggle time with your child? Make yourself a deal you can’t refuse, then follow through with it! A word of caution: While I have to admit I “love me” some chocolate, I would suggest steering away from food as a reward (at least on a constant basis) as we all know that would be trading one problem for another. And if all else fails, remember YOUR WHY! Think of the faces of your beautiful family and what they mean to you. You are worth it! They are worth it! Therein lies a reward in and of itself!
5. Reach out – If you find that your motivation is low for extended periods don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Goodness knows we ALL need it from time to time! What might this look like for you? Are you lonely? Who could you call for a good old-fashioned chat? Do you feel overwhelmed? Could you arrange for a sitter so you can hit your list head on? And what if you feel like sitting in bed day after day for weeks? If so, there is no shame in scheduling a trip to the doctor to help rule out or treat depression. Believe me, I’ve been there and I can assure you that there is help for you. You are not alone!
No matter what strategies you decide upon, I have faith that you WILL find a way. You can do this! You are enough and that magical motivation you need is waiting just around the corner. . .
By Esperanza DeLaLuz
Today when this world is so often in chaos, it is critical to remember what is important and what lasts. Too often the world, in general, demeans the role of homemaker. It seems to say that being a homemaker is what you do when you aren’t smart enough, strong enough, driven enough, or educated enough, to work outside the home. And that is clearly not the truth.
Making a home is much more than cooking, cleaning, and washing—you can hire those things out, if you have enough money. But you can’t pay someone to be your child’s mother. You can hire a babysitter, even a nanny who becomes devoted to your child—but that is still your child, and no one can love that child as you do, with love that is visceral, concrete, and unshaken.
Homemaking is mothering, too--making an environment where the people you love are able to grow and dream and feel safe. Homemaking is creating a haven, a breathing space, and a refuge from the world. Homemaking is helping children build a relationship with God.
Being a mother has challenges; it is not a job for the weak or the lazy or the selfish. But even if, like me, one has tendencies towards those things, it is amazing how much one improves when those tendencies interfere with the well-being of your child. Suddenly, selfishness becomes getting and doing and being whatever your child needs. Laziness is converted to opportunities to cuddle and sing, read stories and rocking your little one. And weakness—well, turning weakness into strength is something we model for our children. Inspired by our children's needs, we gradually become less weak, lazy, and selfish.
So, making a home for your children—your family—that is comforting, safe, and clean is nice, but it’s secondary to the love you have for your family. You do it because your family needs it—and hopefully they appreciate it (and learn to help)—but loving comes first. So, when you stress about how little housework you have managed to get done because you have spent your time mothering instead of cleaning, think of this charming little poem:
Cleaning and scrubbing can wait ‘til tomorrow,
For babies grow up, we’ve learned to our sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs and dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby, and babies don’t keep.
-- Ruth Hulburt Hamilton
By Momivate's "Energy" CouncilMom, Ericka Moore
According to the CDC, “34.2 million US adults have diabetes, and 1 in 5 of them don’t even know they have it. In the last 20 years, adults diagnosed with diabetes has more than doubled.” These statistics are sobering and should serve as a call to action to improve our health.
What is diabetes?
The CDC notes it is “a chronic condition that affects how your body turns food into energy.” It is apparent because blood glucose or blood sugar when measured is too high. Glucose is a source of energy from food. When your body needs to break it down, insulin (a hormone) is secreted from your pancreas and allows the glucose to get into your cells to use for energy. If your body does not utilize insulin well (or does not make enough), sugar stays in the bloodstream instead of going to the cells leading to a plethora of health issues. These health issues include: heart disease, stroke, kidney disease, eye problems, dental disease, nerve damage and foot problems.
An individual can be diagnosed as:
Prediabetes is “when blood sugar levels are higher than normal, but not high enough yet to be diagnosed as type 2 diabetes.” (CDC). This diagnosis can be turned around through a healthy diet and lifestyle change.
If diagnosed with diabetes, it is important to work with your healthcare provider in order to establish an effective healthcare plan which may include medication. Lifestyle changes such as increasing daily activity (exercising), quitting smoking, losing weight, and choosing a healthy diet with fruit and veggies and minimal processed foods are keys to success.
Also, knowing your ABCs is vital to maintaining your health when diagnosed with diabetes:
By Sam Allred, Momivate's Music, Inspiration, and Laughter CouncilMom
Anyone who has spent an entire day with kids knows that it can be overwhelming and difficult. Many days are full of laughter, playing, and joy. But some days are full of tears and tantrums - all day long.
On those bad days, it is easy to start down a spiral of stress and frustration and those emotions have a huge impact on our kids. That’s why it is important to know how to change your bad days into good days.
Here are a few tips you can try the next time you’re having a rough day at home with the kids:
1. Get Outside!
If you're cranky, then the kids are probably cranky too. Dishes and laundry can wait for an hour while you take the kids on a walk or to the park. Let your kids run, soak up some sun, and explore. Being outside is a fantastic mood lifter.
2. Set the Timer for Ten Minutes
If you are feeling overwhelmed with a to-do list a mile long, tell the kids you are setting the timer for ten minutes, invite them to help, and do everything you can before the timer goes off. Do the dishes, tidy up, switch the laundry over, take out the trash, sweep the kitchen, or whatever else is an immediate need. You will be surprised at how much you are able to accomplish in a short amount of time. When the timer goes off, stop your chores and focus on your kids. In a few hours, set the timer again. After a few ten minute sessions, hopefully you will have most of your chores done.
3. Talk to Someone
Adult relationships in motherhood are so important. Talking to a friend about life can be a great stress reliever. We all require connection to thrive and it can be hard to feel connected when you only talk to tiny humans all day. Make sure you can talk to somebody about your struggles, your hobbies, your current favorite TV show, or whatever else you want! Consider joining a facebook group or a support group for mothers in your area.
4. Listen to some Mood-Boosting Music
Music has been proven time and time again to distract us from fatigue and exhaustion, elevate our mood, lessen anxiety, and even improve our health. Play a favorite album, find some fun action songs to get the kids moving, or have an impromptu dance party in the kitchen.
5. Give Yourself Grace
Remember that you are a good mom. Having a bad day as a mom does not define you. You are allowed to feel stressed and overwhelmed. Everybody has bad days occasionally. Let your kids see you practice the important skill of turning a bad day into a good day. If you find yourself having bad days more frequently, make sure you make yourself a priority by taking a break and practicing self care. You cannot pour from an empty cup, take care of yourself first.
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